i shall not stop writing.

tada.... look at me!

Looks like little jj gang with her daddy cos according to the one's post previously, he wanted to earlier target the date 20.07.2008.

Despite us persuading her to come out earlier to avoid any possible medical intervention, we never really thought she'd stay inside me that long to want to prove to us that yes, she agreed with the nice date and that's the date she'll face the world.

I was minding my usual business at home, during the weekend, cooking breakfast and all, going out for groceries at 1-Utama's Jusco and then having lunch when I felt I was leaking. I called my mom up just to confirm that leaking is ok and I still can wait at home instead of going to the hospital too early. I was so glad that my mom told me I do not need to hurry but to just be cautious of the leak and monitor it.

10 minutes later, large amount of water gushed out and we went back to the references we got from the ante-natal classes. Apparently, I have about 2 hours after my waterbag broke to ensure I was contracting and ready for labour before going to the hospital. Therefore, we looked at the time and decided that we'd leave for the hospital in 1 1/2 hours time, ie. 5pm.

I took my time bathing and doing whatever necessary, tidied-up the house a bit, got the one to help me hang up the clothes from the washer and got the little munchkin to throw away the garbage since I believe, we won't be at home for another 2 days or so. We were pretty relaxed although I could sense the anxiety in the one... I was anxious too but since I haven't yet felt any strong contractions, I was worried that history will repeat itself... that I will be induced. The only difference is, this time, my water broke naturally.

When I was admitted at 6pm, they did the necessary tests and said I was 2cm dilated and I already have very early contractions. The doctor even said that we'd wait till early morning and if I haven't opened by then, they'd have to intervene with the necessary medications.

The contractions came and went, at first at 5 minutes interval and shortly after 4 minutes interval. Since I thought the labour will last til early tomorrow morning, I wanted to endure the pain a little while before deciding on any drugs that I could take if the pain gets any worse.

By about 9plus, the contractions got more frequent and I kept asking the one if I really could do it naturally. Whatever it was, he was such a good support. He read to me the necessary doa that would help me keep my mind focus and at times reminded me to keep breathing…. As much as I’d grip on his hands strongly, I also remembered thru the ante-natal class that I should let go of any constricted nerves… to let go, and to relax while taking deep breaths. It wasn’t easy but having someone next to you to coach you thru it was such a bonus.

By about 9.40pm or so, I felt very strong contractions and felt the need to push. As I believed that I would only go into labour tomorrow morning, I remembered Christine telling us that there would be this transition phase where you’d have a strong urge to push but shouldn’t since the baby’s head has not reached the birth canal. Therefore, one should try to hold on to that feeling and not push. At the same time, I felt like going to the loo and asked the one to help me up to the toilet. Since I had such difficulty to move, a nurse was asked to help me but she wanted to check me instead. Surprise surprise… we were shocked when we were told that I was almost 10cm open!! Thus, the pressure to push was real!

Of course, the nurses wouldn’t let me push until the doctor arrived and it was such a mean feat to try not to push when the desire to do so is so natural and it felt so painful to hold on and refrain. I think the one can vouch for sure how painful it was when I gripped on his hand so tight that I thought I heard some knuckles cracked.

I was glad the doctor arrived soon after and by 10.15pm, Jada Kyra was born after 3-4 push. I was shocked. I still am. We still are. I never thought it could be so easy and fast as compared to the mean experience I had 11 years ago when I was much younger. Little jj was 3.27kilos and she went suckling away fiercely and not allow to be put down until 2 hours later.

I believe this is my most memorable experience ever and I never thought I would be able to deliver a baby naturally. It gives me a sense of high that even after 4 hours (now) I am still awake and do not feel lethargic. Still, if you ask me, I would not want to do it again – normal or not normal, natural or not natural.

Nope. Dowan.

Well… we’ll see.

The pool was still closed when we decided to swim this morning around 7.30am or so... but, I believe there could be an exception for a pregnant woman in her late term just before her doctor's appointment, right? :D

It was an 'enlightening' swim. I haven't swam since I was in my early term. Therefore, I, urmmm.... have only worn the Mothercare maternity swimsuit that I bought for RM15 (it was on 70% discount!) for a total of 5 times. *blush* Guilty. Well... I don't feel safe going into the pool without the one's help cos I was afraid if I'd slip in or upon coming out from the pool unaided. But today, it was great. I was damn heavy and it was difficult to enter the pool since the steps were a little high from each other. I only got to the first step and decided to just sit on the ledge and dip my legs in the very cold water. Then, I swam towards the deeper end.

The one was just great playing a role like a swimming instructor teaching a little girl how to swim. Hehe. I couldn't swim the normal way because it was too tiring to swim the right way (I was huffing and puffing midway) and I felt pressure at the perineum area. So, I just swam at a very slow pace and my legs weren't synchronised. In the end, I just decided to hold on to the one's neck as he treaded his steps very slowly while my legs kicked the water. We did a couple of laps and when I got out of the pool, my whole body ached as the light weight of my body in the pool couldn't adapt that fast to the stronger gravity on the ground. But, I thought we had a good exercise.

We decided that I should have my final exercise before we meet the doctor today so that we could test the final outcome of the scan, ie. whether I still have sufficient water for the baby in the amniotic sac, and whether I could induce labour naturally and have the doctor tell me I am already dilating, ready to go to the hospital and deliver little jj.

Yes, as much as I want a natural birth, I know the limits and risks to it and I shall weigh my options according to the situation of the baby. I mean, there is no use of us paying RM600 for the ante-natal classes that advocates natural birth with a UK-certified midwife only to succumb to medical pressures with no clear indication of any critical need for medical interventions.

Therefore, we discussed it thoroughly last night and this morning, and we would leave it to the scans today to determine our options... that as much as possible, we'd ask the doctor on the risk of waiting but if it's best for the baby, we'll adhere to the doctor's advise.

Walah... first signs at the clinic showed quite a good chance for us as I weighed 68.8kg from the 69.7kg I weighed just last week. A reduction of almost 1 kilo in a week is a good sign that I've been eating right and healthily unlike the previous chocolate sundae ice-cream almost every day and lotsa lotsa rice. This past week, I've been taking cereal for breakfast and for lunch & dinner - wholemeal bread with lotsa lettuce, tomatoes, with eggs/blackpepper steamed chicken/meat (depending on my mood) and light mayo + chilli sauce. Oh my... sandwich never tasted so good. I never liked mayo but I am a total convert already! 1 week without rice still made me full and satisfied... when I am hungry for a snack, I'd prepare steamed pau during tea time... just so that I'd ensure the baby's weight is under control and won't be too large to go thru the birth canal.

Both of us felt so glad with what we heard from the doctor - she had said that yup, the previous 'worrying' weight increase was all mommy's and the baby is actually an average size. There's no need to worry and we'll definitely stand a chance of trying to deliver the baby normal.

I asked her if there is still enough water in the sac and she affirmed it. She did an internal exam after the scan and said that I am so ready. I haven't dilated but everything else is looking good. Therefore, she expected me to be in labour within this week. This time, she is confident of it.

Since I don't want to assume, I asked her for confirmation... that I don't have to worry, and that there's no reason for an induction... I was happy when she cheerfully said that yeah... just come to the hospital once I start getting intense contractions or when my waterbag burst, whichever comes first... there is nothing to worry about.

We can't say how relieved we felt. At least I felt better that I trusted my gut and not succumb to the pressure to induce. Of course, we couldn't say much about what'll happen during the labour process but at the moment, the fact that I am able to try to deliver our baby the natural way is such music to our ears. I mean, the due date is still another week away and there's no reason to hurry.

I am also thinking how 'stubborn' little jj probably is (just like her mama)... I mean, she has proven so many people wrong when they said that I should be due as early as end June. She would not let people dictate and she'll come out when she's ready.

And in this case, I would appreciate that everyone concerned is also patient and not impose on what to be done. Just because there are so many of us who have tonnes of experience from the many children that we may have, everyone's experience in their pregnancy is different. You can give your views and you can share your experiences but it is very annoying when you impose something on a person. At least respect the rights of the pregnant mom to make her own choices. It is pressuring enough waiting for the baby to come out... more pressures are not welcomed. I believe, there are people who only have the best interest at heart but I guess even honest gestures can be easily misunderstood when it is seen as one telling a person to do something instead of giving options to weigh.

In this instance too, I thank god that I am blessed with a supportive husband and a pool of very supportive girlfriends who stand by my choice even when they themselves have opted for a c-section and induction to bring labour earlier. In the end, it's the choice of the individual and so have I. There are no reasons to judge. Birthing is a natural process in life... when the baby is ready, you'll get all the signs. If you do not and absolutely due for delivery, then we can't help but get the necessary interventions. Until then, we know that the baby is ready by 36 weeks, the waterbag will break during heightened contractions and everything else will flow its course. For us both, our choice would be - to let little jj enjoy her time in the womb for now.

Our hearts almost dropped this morning at the doctor's. It was like we could even hear a pin drop on the carpeted floor.

We were at our now-weekly scheduled doctor's appointment and my being hungry all the time since the past week has not been favourable to my weight. Within a week, my weight increased another 2 kgs and I have now put on a total of 19kgs, just like my first pregnancy... only that, this time, I am not in labour yet and if I don't go into labour, it is likely that I will put on more weight. Hence, before anything, the doctor dropped the bomb and said that she is recommending a C-section for me.

Hmmm....

We all know how much both of us are into natural birth. Of course, I wouldn't want to resist what's good for me and the baby but the fact that the doctor hasn't done any scans before coming up with such suggestion gave us a heck of a surprise. Her reason: my lack of height.

But... I think she sensed our perplexity that she suddenly said, "Of course, we wouldn't need to go thru a C-section if the weight is all mommy's and not baby's."... that is after 2 minutes of long silence with our shocked expression and after her statement that not all vaginal births are the best.

More hmmmm.....

After the scan, we gathered that the baby's weight is only 2.9 kilos, much smaller than my first who was 3.35kilos. And I delivered him normal. And so, she said that oh, it's ok then... we can still try to deliver the baby normally.

"Of course, you must not put on anymore weight."

I guess she was just concerned. She doesn't know my pain threshold and she probably wouldn't want me to waste time. But I hope I could at least try before deciding on C-section.

Surely, I won't resist it in an emergency. In fact, despite my being so gung-ho about natural birth, I received two cautions from two of my very close friends. I was told by Christine before (our ante-natal trainer) that one cannot say if they'd want a natural birth or a C-section because the outcome may just be the opposite.

A friend of mine who's in Germany sent me such a touchy message warning me of being mentally prepared for a C-section. See, she had a normal birth for her first baby and was very confident that she'd deliver the second one normal as well. Unfortunately, she was fighting in pain for a couple of days and in the end, normal delivery was not the best option for her. Since she wasn't prepared mentally, she went into depression and so she advised me that I should consider being prepared for it in case the situation forces such action to be taken.

Another friend also said similar things.

Therefore, I am kinda prepared, although I wouldn't like it one bit. Simply because - I've done it before and I know I could do it again. It's weird to even think that the 2nd one will not be easy when everyone - even the doctor once said that once you have a normal birth, the second one will be easy-peasy. Unfortunately, none of us expects me to put on so much weight especially since the earlier phase showed an increase of very small figures.

So now, instead of targeting 20 July (the one prefers it if she could have a date of birth of 20072008 - conceived in 2007, delivered in 2008 - just like our wedding date 20052007 where we met in 2005 and got married in 2007), the one now coaxes little jj to come out anytime now.

In another development, a close friend of ours just adopted a baby boy who's 2 days old. They even have a friend who gave birth recently to come over to nurse the baby. The one suggested that if they'd want me to be the baby's ibu susu with no possibility whatsoever for our kids to get hitched, they should consider me to nurse the baby as well, knowing I'd be more than happy to do that.

But the question would be - our kids blaming us for decisions we made without considering the future.

As much as I'd like to help, I wouldn't want to tamper with fate. But, since our religion says the baby should be full with 3 consecutive feedings (ermmm... betul ke?), I can always do it alternately, eh? That way, I won't be the ibu susu. Ya, that can work, definitely.

Congrats, guys, on your bundle of joy.

Now, I am eagerly waiting for mine to come out. It is so intense just waiting for that moment - when the pain starts and I am ready. For now, the anticipation is torturing us both...

The one prefers it if I could give birth today itself so that the baby’s date of birth will be 06.07.08 and he would very much like it if I could deliver the baby in Negeri Sembilan so that her identity card number will be 080706-05-XXXX. Smart, huh?

Baby's stuff are also quite complete (of course, gifts of any kind are so much welcomed!!) hehe... we're getting the baby bath tub from my dear friend, Niza... gorgeous Nicole is getting us toiletries from Buds... we're persuading the one's brother to get little jj the Fisher-Price rocking chair-cum-bouncer (hehe...) and we've told many people not to get us bottles. Based on experience, I guess we know we'll get clothes and toiletries for the baby and so, we've bought a small number of baby clothes only.

The emergency bag is already packed although we have yet to put it in the trunk. And I guess, we're all set. InsyaAllah...

It's been awhile since I updated... the one was complaining since I'd always complain when he hasn't updated even if it's for a couple of days. But then again, it was moi who fell for him for his writing... therefore, I think he should keep that momentum, eh?? ;P since he didn't really read me that religiously even when I had already read him for awhile and posted comments on his blog (then), I don't think I am obligated to update anything, right? hehe... well... that is part of the funny arguments we have about who fell for whom even now and he'd always give this come back which will silence me with a smile - that we are married now... so, it doesn't matter, does it? ;D

Anyways, so many things have happened since the last update. I think the most memorable one was the fact that the one asked me out for a date in a club. Well, we all know that he's not one who'd do clubbing. He hates clubbing and we've never really done clubbing together even when we were dating. But... I guess this time was an exception since his youngest sister, Ana, was doing an opening act at the Laundry Bar.

I must say, I was truly impressed. I know Ana could sing and has a very lovely voice. I also know she writes good songs and is not afraid to perform infront of the entire family... but I've never seen her do a gig, live. What's more impressive was the fact that she had Aidit Alfian, the Booty brothers and Andy Flop Poppy as her back-up musicians. It's like - whoa.... my sis-in-law!!

I did however prefer her live singing at home with her strumming her guitar than the entire get up as the loud music kinda drowned out her beautiful voice.

Another fact that made me so fascinated with her was the fact that she had her three brothers all fully supporting her (one even sang along to her lyrics which I knew nuts). Khalil was seen busy recording her performance on his entrusted N95 while the one tried hard to maintain 'hensem' since I could be easily annoyed when he monkeys around in public hehe... and not to mention, the '12th' sibling of the Raffali's, Ahmad, who's a loyal supporter as well. Gosh... this girl is truly lucky - talented, being backed up by strong men, beauty and brains, all in one package.

We didn't stay long for the next 2 performers since the 2nd one started out really noisy and I didn't want to stress little jj. Although she didn't really move an inch, I just didn't want to take that chance. Plus, the place was getting really crowded (like a weekend crowd!) and I didn't want to get so exposed to the cigarette smoke... in fact, I didn't want to go to the show earlier as I expected being exposed to smokers until 'someone' actually told me assumingly that since it was a weekday, there was a probability of only a handful of audience. Yeah, right.

Anyways, the day after, I realised that we haven't yet made time for our much postponed anniversary dinner and suggested that we go to Monte's, BSC, where we had our first proper date. There were so many times that we wanted to have dinner there but the place was always full. This time, however, although I suggested going there, I had a change of heart later that evening especially when I thought of the bottomless beverage that Chilli's could offer and who could say no to Chilli's, right?

It was a lovely dinner. It is always lovely when we get to sit together and talk because I guess that was what brought us closer together anyway. I like the fact that you can communicate with your other half as communication is one important key to a successful relationship. More often than not, it's the lack of communication and assumptions that lead to arguments but with communications, can any problems be solved provided that one wants to find solutions rather than just pretending that things can be resolved all by itself.

I also kinda liked the fact that the girl who was manning the seating arrangements was very considerate and friendly. Although the guy who was helping her out told us to wait for 15 minutes and we kinda took a little more than 15 minutes window shopping, she still pointed us quickly to the next available table when she saw I had to wait for a little while more. People have told me that I look like I am due for delivery as the tummy looks really huge and I guess that fact gave me an advantage at times for faster service. It's quite nice, actually, being pregnant hehe...

But.. being pregnant has its stressful side as well especially being me. Like another blogger pointed out to me, I am a stickler for time.

Yes, although I was truly surprised how he can figure this out just by reading me, I am a stickler for time. I mean, there's only 24 hours a day for you to live by. And within that 24 hours, you should figure out your schedule as effectively as possible. You don't have to stick by it carved in stones but you kinda have to have an idea of for example, when's your maximum stretch to have breakfast/lunch/dinner, when you need to turn in to bed for you to be able to wake up nice and easy in the morning for work, when you need to start cooking for you to have dinner at a certain time, when's your most productive time, etc. Those working always need to arrange specific time for meetings to avoid rush hour traffic jams and and whether we could head straight home after a late afternoon meeting, etc.

For me, being pregnant, I get tired much easily. Hence, I need to specifically schedule my day knowing that I'd have enough rest everyday. Plus, since I have this little jj in me to be fed, I am very strict on when I must grab a bite. After all, everything we do is about discipline. Without discipline, how do you live your life and expect things to be okay. But this stickler to strict timing may be a little bit stressful to those around you as you dictate what you need while expecting them to follow. But I am pregnant and I am only thinking of the little one and I don't think that is asking for anything impossible. Of course, I do know that once little jj is out, there's no way I could stick to specific timing but I do know that if I at least have an idea of what I should do and when things are supposed to be done, it would be easier for me to juggle my time in between those feeds and attention.

Overall, this pregnancy has been good. I haven't been putting on too much weight, and since I'm carrying a girl, I guess it contributes somewhat to the continuous glowing complexion even without makeup. I like it. I didn't have morning sickness and the consistent massages/reflexology probably helped in the infrequent leg cramps compared to the excruciating pain I had to endure almost daily during the first pregnancy. I think I am also more relaxed although the first few months was highly stressful with things happening around me but I am more composed now I guess also due to the fact that I have such a supportive partner who'd do anything to ensure my full comfort. Heck, I am even so proud of him when he could pause his game on the PSP whenever I start getting clumsy and things falling off my grasp... he'd immediately stop his game so that he could help me pick up those things and tell me it's alright for me to be clumsy... hehe... (you all know, right, that a pregnant woman's brain kinda shrinks a little and the woman will start forgetting things or be clumsy).

So, although I've advised Linda not to allow her hubby to buy the PSP or PS3, I think the advise should sound like, "It's okay provided that he will stop his game whenever you need him to.." hmmm... susah jugak nak justify cos you wouldn't know until he owns one ;)

Right now, I am watching the president of our national oil company being interviewed on TV1. I've heard his side with whatever facts that the one presented to me from what people's perception of the company's contribution to the nation. There are logics and truths in it as a company doing legit business and it still boils down to the government and what they do with the income they receive. I believe the national oil company isn't the only one contributing to the nation's piggy bank.

I've read one blog that wrote us rakyat as a 'spoilt' lot for expecting continuous subsidies. I think she must either be so naive to believe that or that she's a rich girl and living with her parents, not having to pay a big amount for the downpayment of her car and rental/housing instalment.

I believe that we as rakyat understands fully about the subsidy. Yes, in order to be competitve, we would understand if the subsidies would one day be taken away. However, I am not agreeable to the fact that the government thinks that the rakyat are stoopid lots expecting to accept everything lying down. One of them even said earlier that there are no reasons for food price to be increased as there are subsidies to rice, flour, etc. There are no reasons for public transport such as express buses and taxis to increase their fare.

Like hello... we are not living in a simplistic world. Everyone would need to survive. Taxi drivers have their family to feed and provide education and stuff. If everything else increase, they definitely will increase their fare. In fact, a short distance from the Kelana Jaya lrt to our apartment cost RM5 flat with the taxi driver even taking in other passengers! Do I blame them? No.

With regards to food, there is still transportation cost, etc. Yes, subsidising is just on a certain stage but then again, we know that getting that nice fragrant rice we all are so used to and have the rights to buy have been increased. All their lives, the Raffali clan had always had good quality fragrant rice even with such a huge family to feed but they have now resort to buying normal plain subsidised rice, just to try out the 'change of lifestyle' advise from our intelligent and considerate leaders.

Then, you suddenly see all grievances from the transportation side that express buses only receive subsidies for a certain amount.

Then there was this announcement that public servants are now allowed to have a 2nd job. Look. We all know that the income from the 2nd job is also taxable. Who gains in the end? You got it. Who loses? The rakyat, in the end. Because we still need to survive and yet 2nd jobs doesn't allow one to have a quality of life. How's the family? Bonding with the kids? Is that what our nation should expect in the future? Yet we have news of families losing their kids and the NGOs blaming parents for not knowing where their children are, and the proposed ruling that parents can be charged with negligence. Who's gaining and who's losing here?

I kinda start to think that hujan emas/hujan batu phrase doesn't apply anymore.

I think before the government puts all these into action, shouldn't they walk the talk? Shouldn't they turun padang and see for themselves how insecure it can be for a woman to take public transport? Timing and crowd? The condition of buses that always break down? And with everything else now increase in costs, a higher possibility of crime rate especially in crowded places? And you expect me to take public transport? No way!

What has happened to the previous ruling/encouragement that companies provide childcare for their women staff?

Why do we always compare ourselves to other 'Asian' countries and not the BEST Asian country? Why don't we take Singapore, for example? Yes, they pay a high tax, they pay higher costs for most of their things BUT but but... you should see how much quality they have in terms of the environment, public transport and large flats. There's greenery everywhere... those big buildings will always have huge landscape in front of their offices... you can just walk from one end of Orchard Road to the next (I've done it, trust me) and you hardly get sunshine on your skin as you walk under lush trees on large walking pavements. Hence, you get to cycle and walk freely. Their cabbies are so systematic and their MRTs goes thru almost all ends of the island. What? Because their country is small? Not really. They surely have started somewhere rather than focus on unimportant things. Their housing areas are also well planned.

Then, their income is (when converted) 2x ours but their cost of things are (when converted) half of ours. That is why, they can basically afford Gucci handbags especially during the sale period.

With our ministers all going abroad apparently to 'learn' from other countries, what really have they brought home? You should see the BTS in Bangkok and the MRT in Singapore. How's our Putra lrt? Still within pitiful condition as the rakyat brave thru the horrendously narrow and short train during morning and evening rush hour, not to mention how bad it can become during the fasting month and school holidays. Itu Putra... what about the continuous complaints on our commuter service?

If you touch on the travelling abroad by the ministers, you should see the swarm of people who accompanies the ministers - there will be other ministers as well, top prominent businessmen, then there would also be their wives and their wives' entourage.

So why don't they not just take public transport once in awhile (like when Tony Fernandez also does stewarding on board his Air Asia flights), stop using riders when they travel by car, show us how they've changed their lifestyle by showing us how they've cut down their travelling cost and the number of people accompanying them, provide us their monthly electricity bills because I can not imagine those houses who uses only RM43 per month on their electricity. As I could see from the bungalows (that look like a resort) that was built for the Selangor exco (which is now being sold off) are all fully air-conditioned (my air-condition in 2 rooms already cost us more than RM200 for last month) and that is before the increase in electricity tariff. 10% cut in entertainment allowance is simply not good enough.

Gosh. I've written so much already.

Yes, we can walk this thru together with the government but stop taking us rakyat as stupid. We are all smart people hence the change in the last polling. We need explanations but stop saying ours is still better than other countries because we know that... we just need to be assured that those up there don't keep gaining while us down here keep having to fork out for everything while we pay hefty taxes. Don't tell me we are putting on hold bigger projects when you've just launched the ECER and providing tax-free environment for investors... if we are losing so much on subsidy, why are we giving way to investors whom we know can pay millions in taxes. Wouldn't that help?

I've said I've written so much, yet I keep writing. I guess the title above holds so true. I shall not stop writing. Hmmm...

Not feeling well today as I caught the flu bug from the one yesterday. He's got the bug three times during my pregnancy, I think, and I thought I've been strong... until last night.

We went for our scheduled follow-up check with my gynae this morning and she's asked the one to 'see-no-touch' me hehe... and, she's kind enough to give me 3 days MC! woohooo! She told me the drugs are pretty mild but it still knocked me out this afternoon. It's good that it did or I wouldn't be sitting still at home. Ran a few errands til noon and by lunch time, I decided that my body needed the rest, swallowed the prescription and was knocked out for 2 hours or so.

We usually have nice shots of little jj from the scans at the doctor's but since the last check-up, the doctor said it was pretty impossible to have the full 'photo'. So, she scheduled us for a 3D scan this Wednesday instead. That would be interesting, I must say...

Anyways, the bout of flu didn't just easily got to me, I guess as I put my body to a test last weekend. See, as a Tribe Toyota member, I got the invitation to register for the annual Amazing Trails treasure hunt and although knowing I was going to be very heavy, the thought of all cars not going home empty-handed gave me the motivation. I mean, if we were all going to go home with prizes each, I can take my time during the hunt and we'd still be winners, right? ;P And, since it is only open to members, I thought the crowd will be a different one. Plus, the one's best buddies have been complaining of his lesser participation in treasure hunts after we got married.

The one called Muz and Eju if they're interested and we proceed from there. We almost didn't make it when the one suddenly changed his mind being concerned with the state that I am in... but, with the power of persuasion, he finally succumbed to my wish and Muz said that he was glad we're still on with the plans. I was truly hoping that I won't make him regret with the decision to allow us to go ahead and made sure that I took it easy whilst still managed to crack some codes.

The questions were pretty easy for us with a couple of tricky ones and I'm happy that we got all the questions correct. However, we were a little too confident in the treasure section and lost 10 marks from there. So, we only got 7th place.

I think, compared to last year's Amazing Trails and other hunts we've participated, the prizes were not that great. I think they had grocery vouchers from Giant for all participants, at least for last year and I was looking forward to some cash vouchers. And in all other hunts, each member in the car would come home with something, ie. lucky draw prizes if not prizes from the win instead of having to share one prize. But, I must say that the organisers probably concentrated more on the quality of accommodation and meals for the participants that more $ were probably shared equally. I mean, it was a super peak season at Genting and we still managed to get executive rooms compared to other hunts that end in Genting Resort. The room was surprisingly very comfortable since I expected it to be those dingy narrow musty room we'd usually end up in at most hunts.


Dinner was quite okay but they could have done away from the entertainment and set-up cos all that's important was the menu. Therefore, the budget could be spread in a more efficient way.

Since I know we'd be darn hungry thruout the hunt, us Flying Monkees were kept full with my hearty sandwich which I prepared the night before. Therefore, we were all happy and we kinda enjoyed ourselves in the end.

So, I guess, that will be my last hunt for awhile when little jj comes out but since we had so much fun hunting and realising how good we can be if we keep on practising, I encouraged the one to join in other hunts with his best buddies if the timing is right.

Hmmm... looks like I've been having very memorable weekends since the last few weeks...

The one has complained numerously how our bed has now been inhibited by alien pillows! Well, in the earlier stage of the pregnancy and the tummy getting bigger, I was already a little uncomfortable sleeping at night and would have a pillow tucked under the tummy when I sleep on my side. Hence, he would sacrifice one of his pillows for me. Aww…

Then, when we took the ante-natal class, Christine would advise that the mommy sleep with as many pillows as possible to support the back, the tummy and the legs apart from the usual pillows under our heads. Thus, when we checked out the sale in Sogo a few months back, we kinda brought home 3 pillows! Hehe… the pillows are really huge and the one would sometimes joke around saying that he’s being kicked out of the bed by pillows.

Today, a delightful surprise came when the one got me this heavenly pillow that I’d always wanted and costs a bomb out at the shopping centers. He got it online and it arrived our home today, as an anniversary present. Waahhh.. the pillow is sooo comfy I do not know how else to describe it. And I cannot imagine pregnant mommies without this pillow.

When we saw it at the Chicco outlet of 1-Utama, it was sold for RM499. We knew we could get it for less than RM300 since Christine told us she used to sell them for that price and another one of our coursemate, Sara, got it for slightly more than RM200 at a sale in 1-Utama. So, RM499 is probably way too much for a ‘pillow’. We checked out other maternity outlets and they all sell for at least RM340 and I thought I should really check out other avenues before deciding on getting it. After all, we do have enough pillows.

Then, I saw it at thebabyloft.com and told the one about it. There was a standard size that sells less than RM300 and a larger size that sells for slightly more than RM300. Was even feeling guilty showing it to the one since after all, it is just a pillow, right?

But no… I take that back now… the Theraline Maternity and Nursing Pillow is soo heavenly! The 5’ long pillow can be used straight or mould around mommy’s curves for a comfy fit. Best of all, it can even be used until the baby grows as it provides the support. Nursing would be a breeze as well since it can be wrapped around mommy’s waist and baby could rest on it comfortably.


What makes it so comfortable is the thin beads inside the inner casing, quite like what you get in those bean bags only that it is much smaller in size.

There’s nothing better that I could ever ask for our anniversary present this year. Really.

We had quite a hectic weekend.

We were at our gynae for our routine check-up and I’m glad that things are a-okay. I mean, I was a little worried, though, especially with my weight gain. In the last visit, the doctor has warned me against putting on too much weight, afraid that the baby will be too big for me to push through. I’ve controlled my diet quite well cos it’s been a month since our daily breakfast dose of roti canai from the mamak downstairs and it’s been ages since I took nasi lemak. So, I thought I’d be quite fine.

However, the invitation to Fatty Crabs on Friday night was one that got me a little worried. Seafood, and good seafood? Hmmm… I knew I wasn’t gonna eat very little. The four of us, Eju & Muz, the one & I, ate a total of 3 servings of yummy crabs, fried rice for 6 pax, 3 servings of toast, loads of liquid to counter the salt, and oh, a piece of those chicken wings that we ordered for the little munchkin since he couldn’t take seafood. Wahh.

Before we went there, I weighed myself at my mom’s. I thought I did okay. But at the doctors, I gained 2 kilos from that dinner. Heh. I guess the scale at my mom’s must be faulty or that the crabs had really made me weigh that much.

Anyway, I’m glad that my blood pressure and sugar level is just great, and the doctor told me the weight gain is fine. She even taught us how we could use the gym ball for my benefit. Guess I will redeem that from the Citibank points I have. And, since the doctor was a little late for the appointment, she didn’t give us extra time for a nice shot of little jj in me. Oh well, I didn’t mind it that much. There was already a very grumpy guy out there waiting for only ½ hour when we were already there for a whole hour! Guess some people can be unreasonable sometimes, all at the wrong places. He even said obnoxiously that for the waiting time, they'd rather go to GH. Man... that guy really does not know what he's talking about that I thought he deserve to have a shoe in his mouth ;P

Time flies that fast and as soon as I knew it, I’m now due for a 2-week interval check-up instead of the usual 4 weeks. I’m so scared. But things are good and the doctor told me not to worry about anything.

Later on, we went presents and baby shopping at 1-Utama. We haven’t gotten the little munchkin anything for his birthday do next weekend and we had to also buy another one for his cousin who’s celebrating with him. The one’s sister is also coming home from Penang for the do but I think we shall just give her a good birthday kiss, eh? Hehe…

My dad wanted to have a birthday do for the little munchkin today and I suddenly thought oh wow… with 2 grandpas, I don't think I should spoil the little munchkin with 2 more cakes and 2 more celebrations, can I? So, all of us, including my parents will be going over to Keramat next week and I should think that will be a more merry celebration with a good family gathering.

We then went on getting more serious stuff for the preparation for the birth of little jj. We already have about a dozen clothes for her which is quite sufficient for a start (am also expecting many from gifts as that seem to be a standard gift…) so we shopped for more detailed stuff like the diaper liners, a pack of washable diapers, a couple of diaper panties, snappies, some cute mittens and booties, and oh, not forgetting mommies’ ‘diapers’ as well. The rest could wait, I think.

Since it has been awhile since we went to 1Utama together and have all the time in the world as the little munchkin is over at granny’s, we got so engrossed with our shopping. We even did our groceries and some other little stuff to check out that we didn’t realise we were practically on our feet for 6 hours! Well, probably minus the 1 hour sitting over lunch at Nando’s. As soon as I realised that, my legs started to ache and so did my back. But I was happy that we practically got everything we needed to get that day.

We were even having guests later in the afternoon but thank god it was cancelled. Otherwise, I’d be dead beat. Once we got home, took my shower and sat on the couch for awhile without realising I had dozed off. When I got up, the entire body ached so much and felt really, really heavy.

Today, I was still feeling tired but I guess our home was destined to receive guests this weekend. Although the Saturday’s guests had to cancel, the one’s relative from Pahang decided to give a surprise visit this afternoon. I took a 2-hour nap before really preparing myself for guests. Gosh… how my body has changed so much since. Thank god though that we just did our groceries as we have plenty of things to offer our guests.

It’s getting a little late and I so dread that the weekend has ended. It has been such a great weekend for me and I couldn’t stop having this feeling of how much more in love I’m in with the one.

See, there has been way so many problems among people we know, close or those not very close to us, with issues in their life. Well, they’re not very crucial problems but I guess people have their own way of accepting negative energy in their life and make that the center of their attention.

I’ve said many times in my previous posts that we are always fighting for or searching for that void 2% in our lives and we fail to appreciate or see that 98% that we own. In the end, many of us lose as we lose our focus in life but more importantly, we lose ourselves.

I am not sure how many people believe that they should get all 100% that they want in life. For me, no matter how positive I am, I believe that the Almighty is great. He gives some, not all. No one has everything in life. No matter how well you think a person is doing, you are only looking from the outside. No matter how happy you think a person is or how well that person is doing in life, there will always be this void, crucial or not crucial in their life. No one can have everything.

You may think you want a perfect man or a perfect woman. Yes, I admit that you shouldn’t settle for anything less for yourself. Be as choosy as you like. But at the end of the day, you should not play it safe. You may want to hold on to one person while you search for the perfect person but that’s not how life works. In the end, you lose, and you lose miserably. You just have to know what you want and be firm. If it’s a yes, then you’ve got to accept the little flaws and all cos nobody’s perfect. Not even you. And if it’s a no, let go. Don’t be an asshole.

You want to have a child but you can’t seem to be successful with it. You read others’ blogs and get envious. You either get envious but be happy for them, or you get so jealous that you hate them. I’ve got news… those who really want babies may not be able to conceive that easily and those who don't want, can immediately get pregnant within a day or two. That’s the way of life sometimes. It gets tricky. And… there are many others just like you. What’s the point of getting so worked up and emotionally depressed when you have everything else in front of you – a great job, a wonderful spouse, luxury/wealth and happiness. Focus on that positive energy and you’ll never know how well that will work for you. Those who have kids, you think do not have their own problems?? They can’t be themselves most of the time, their social life deprived, budget can always trigger minor arguments and much more. And, do you know that in some corporations, pregnant employees are so highly discriminated that many lose their income due to lame excuses such as ‘incompetency’?

I have to admit. My life’s not perfect. You may say I'm too easy to please but isn't it better than getting so worked up when you know your emotions are within your control (except mebbe when you're pregnant, hehe...). And, at least I know I am concentrating on my 98%. Why waste time on the 2% when you know it can be ironed out someway. There will always be problems, definitely but we’re all built to solve problems. Otherwise, we’re brain dead.

I suddenly remembered this story of a suicide survivor, told by a friend... the survivor said that as soon as he jumped off the bridge, ALL his problems seem to flash right in front of him and he then realised that there were solutions to all those problems! Then, he thought that life is not that bad after all since everyone has their own issues.

So you don't have that 2%? I know it's hard to be positive but for one, you're not alone in it, and two, life has to go on.

The free big mac on the ad on tele has got the one hooked. He loves McD so much that he even dreamt that he went to the cashier, ready to recite the ‘chant’ in 4 seconds but was disappointed when he couldn’t even say a single word. Not even able to sing the tune when given a 2nd chance! ;P

Thus, from that night onwards, I would hear him recite the chant in 4 seconds repeatedly, hoping to get enough courage to go to McD’s and win me the Big Mac. Hmmm… yup… you could say that he’d want to win it for himself, actually hehe…

For me, I’ve been sweating myself perpetually. There’s not in a second that I don’t sweat. I guess the body heat that comes with pregnancy has finally got to me the last couple of weeks. I sweat way so much that I don’t even use foundation on my face anymore. Thankfully, though, carrying a baby girl inside of me, makes my skin glow even without the usual dash of blusher.

Sleeping at night is a chore as well. Starting last night, I have problems getting a good night’s sleep. I was up at about 3am. Tossed and turned, changed my sleep position so that I’d be nearer to the fan and even considered turning on the air-cond. I’ve told myself not to turn the air-cond on when I almost fell sick some time last week due to the exposure to very cold air all night. Although my body says I’m feeling extremely hot, my internals are telling me something else. Seriously, I don’t want to get sick during my pregnancy.

As I keep tossing and turning unable to shut my eyes, I decided to do what would usually put me to sleep – watching TV in the comfort of the sofa at the living room. I did just that and walah… ½ hour later, I was already snoozing. Hmmm… I’m telling you, the sofa in my living room works like magic. As the light was on, I didn’t sleep tight and woke up around 6am and headed back into the room… all dreaded when the alarm rang at 6.30am. Gosh… I feel so tired still.

Little JJ is kicking really hard. Well, I guess it’s not so much of kicking but more so of probably making herself more comfortable now that she’s bigger and is not able to move that much. I’m not sure how much weight I’ve gained since the last time and we’re due for our next check-up this Saturday. Urrgghh… I can’t stand this weight… it’s making my back ache so much at times that it’s hard for me to move. Wait… I shouldn’t complain… no no no… I should be enjoying this experience. Adoiii… as it is now, I find it a little hard to breathe. Ahhh… the wonders of pregnancy, eh.

On another note, Mothers’ Day is coming soon and so is our 1st Anniversary. Wahh…. How small the number seems to be. Others my age are celebrating their 7th year or 10th year… but mine is just that singular number. Hopefully, it adds up a lifetime. Life with the one has been so serene that my only wish is just that.

The little munchkin turned 11 today and I’ve gotten him a small cake just for the 3 of us to celebrate tonight. For me, he already bought me this cute little rose with a small teddy bear for Mothers’ Day. Aww… We’re planning to celebrate his birthday with the one’s nephew and sister next weekend and I guess we’ve got to look for presents then.

This afternoon, I had a really good discussion with my lesbo partner, Niza, and life seems to open up pretty much an opportunity. I kinda admire her for working smart. She doesn’t have a normal 9-5 job like most of us and she makes money work for her instead of the other way around. That woman must be one lucky woman on earth but I guess luck alone won’t help if we’re all stuck with the same mindset in that same little box day in and out. Not everybody can excel at the start but the fact that she took the risk of quitting her job and taking her own sweet time learning things she never thought she’d be good at, is one characteristic that I admire. For me, I had never thought out of the box as I’d like the comfort of having that $$ from the ATM every end of the month. But then again, you could never be sure if that job you’re holding on so stable would be firmly in your grip forever.

So, let’s see how that will go.

As the one never gets jealous of any men who comes near me, I thought it is so cute that he’s getting annoyingly jealous that I’ve been in constant contact with Niza hehe… so much so that I find it quite fun irritating him and telling him the things that happened and the small talks that we have. He says we’re so lesbo if people didn’t know us that well. It feels nice to have your other half be jealous like this even if it is just fake jealousy cos I kinda hated it when he tried faking his jealousy whenever I have a conversation with a man… he sucks when he gets that jealous.

I guess, I’d much prefer him to be as is. Jealousy is so tiring to combat. You’d have to persistently give excuses to justify the situation. Hehe… sometimes, we women thought that’s what we want out of a man – to at least have some jealousy to show they care. But when he tried to do that, to show me how annoying it can be, I take it back. I like him to be just the way he is.

Of course in this case, with my lesbo partner, the fake jealousy makes him so adorable.

On Friday, I had lunch with another dear girlfriend, Nina, at BSC. I think BSC is so cozy. Parking is not very difficult, access is pretty easy and you have such a cozy ambience where everyone does their own thing without being nosy about others. For me, I didn't want to go into KL and BSC is a perfect meeting point for my girlfriends and I, away from the busy dead-lock traffic of the golden triangle especially during lunch time, nearing the Friday prayers. And, Friday lunch is such a perfect time to meet as most of us have a longer lunch period.

As I was craving for Dome's famous chicken and mushroom pie, I suggested we meet at Dome. And, as it has been awhile since I set foot in Dome since I always had something to complain about their slow service, I was kept pleasantly surprised to note that they now serve my all-time favourite - their Mocha-loca. I believe they had stopped producing that addictive drink ever since they had their menu revamped about a a year or so. Yum yum yum... all worth the wait.

Nina text me to tell me she'd be a little late and so I decided to drop by at Times bookstore to get some pregnancy magazines. I haven't been reading magazines in awhile and since Dome only carries fashion and society magazines, not quite suitable/relevant for me at the moment, I decided that I could occupy the waiting time and update myself with relevant articles on pregnancy and delivery.

I bought the May 2008 issue of Pregnancy & Birth, apparently UK's No.1 pregnancy magazine and found so many useful tips. I mean, if one have not bought any pregnancy books, the magazine seem quite sufficient since those books with such elaborate info didn't seem to work that well with local practitioners. Hence, those handy tips in the magazine seem good enough.

I took a seat at a comfortable corner, ordered my heavenly Mocha-loca and chicken-mushroom pie, just taking my own sweet time reading. The entire internal area of Dome was surprisingly full and busy with people and whilst most of them were checking their watches (they probably only had a 1-hour lunch break), I find it truly relaxing to know that I wasn't pressed for time. It's a really good feeling, actually, to be able to control your anxiety which will eventually stress you out unnecessarily. And wishing that everyday is as relaxing as that moment.

My meal came about 30 minutes later and thought I should order for Nina before she arrives. But since she couldn't really make up her mind, she thought she'd rather wait. Walah... when she did arrive, the waiter who was so used to her actually instructed the kitchen to prepare her meal in 10 minutes! Oh... so that's how they operate then... you must be a VIP in order to get good service. Hmmm... oh well.... nothing's lost.

I have not seen her in months and we had such a good conversation. It's strange how we can be friends with someone for so long and after some crisis happens, only then can we really see the true colours of a person. But, I wouldn't want to spend too much time thinking about it cos I believe that we have our own life, we have plenty of other friends than to focus too much on a negative aura. It's sad, though, that both of us were taken advantage but at least we don't dwell on it and move forward. I believe that one would never be really happy in life until they straighten up their act and admit to things they were doing to others. Well, that is if they have any conscience at all. Everyone's got something to hide but not at the expense of good and sincere, caring friends. Hmmm... I guess we could only learn from it and distance ourselves from those negative energy knowing that we're not afraid of our shadows and that it is not our loss.

It's always so good after meeting up with my girlfriends. I don't have many of them but I know they're 'quality' friends. There are just so many who'd give you that false hope of wanting to meet 'sometime' and a promise of catching up to 'lost times' but you can always know how sincere your friends are when they make it a point to meet up when the time comes rather than create excuses with another promise of meeting and again excuses when that time comes. For me, I'd always make it a point to book my schedule for good friends if I know they truly want to meet up but when it comes to follow-up and I get excuses that is so lame, I just know that I shouldn't even bother to initiate anything. Life is short, we should enjoy life and nothing's truly lost. At least you know you've made the effort, even if it's a phone call and a good chat. At the end of the day, women always have a comfort of knowing that they have reliable girlfriends who pick them up when their down and can have a good laugh together during the good times.

Anyways, I had a full day today. Met up with Mak Zai, the makcik who'll be taking care of me post-natal. You see, even before at 2 months sans any scanner, she already told me I was carrying a girl and that the foetus seem to be around 1-2 weeks earlier. This same thing was told to us by our doctor at the 5th and 6th month only. Therefore, it was quite a relief seeing her as I belief that there is a lot to learn from her on how I could go thru the experience in a more positive way. The best part was her kneading away the aches and pains in my back and I felt like dozing-off just after she was done with my body and finishing up with both my hands. The one and I had a good lunch at her place and we discussed the details of her service, ie. items and rate. I had to remind her of the due-date and InsyaAllah she's prepared even if the baby comes in early.

Then, it was back to Keramat where I took a short nap and felt so refreshed and light after a nice cold shower. My in-laws arrived home from a relatives' wedding and brought back fresh vegetables and we dropped off the veges at my parents' place since I knew they'd use it much sooner for cooking as compared to moi who prolly only cooks dinner a maximum of twice a week. Then, my dad decided to buy us dinner and so there goes a perfect Saturday for us all.

When we arrived home, I did my usual budgeting and calculations and was worrying of my income tax return. I have sent the completed form back to the IRB but the amount of $$ I owe them seem so ridiculously high. Man... there's even a better reason for me to question the government on their spending and whatever benefits I am getting from it all... I am already paying so much on taxes including assessments and all, I've been obediently paying for all the tolls in the highway when I use them, everything else is increasing and yet the government keeps saying poverty level is on a decrease and that compared to our neighbouring countries, we are still so much better. Are we? Gosh... it's just so ridiculous.

I think we as consumers should really question everything as we have the right to. They can say whatever they want, be it - to change our lifestyle or whatever lame comeback lines to ease their work, but I believe that everyone of us should have our mindset change rather than just accepting everything being put upon us. They can't even solve their own internal issues, be it the government or the pakatan rakyat. How else do they think they could make a difference to the rakyat who've already spoken thru the recent elections?

In the end, I don't really have any answers to my concerns. And that sucks.

I wish I could just be ignorant and live my life in my little circle of happiness but I know at the end of the day, everything that's happening will eventually affect my life, one way or another. I mean, why am I paying so much taxes? And why is the cap on an individual only RM8k? Why is the cap on each child only RM1k? Do they really know how much it cost a year to raise a kid? And why the bloody hell is the cap on life insurance and EPF contribution a combined RM6k? Wtf?? Which world do they live in? Do they even pay tax??

Am I gonna get into trouble for this? Heh.

I met up with my bestest gal-pal, gorgeous Nicole, this afternoon as it has been about over a month since we saw each other. I guess between myself and my dearest girlfriends, meeting up before I pop is one crucial goal :D, probably since for one, they'd like to see how big I have gotten so that they can feel better about their bodies (ahahh...) but more so because they know it'd be a bit difficult for me to go out and have guiltless fun once little jj comes out.

Anyway, for the first time after 8 months, she brought Isabel out. I am so with her on that... when my first was born, I was hesitant to bring him out when he was very little. I guess I'd have that protective 'thing' in me to avoid any exposure to big crowds and alien open areas to prevent him from catching any unnecessary virus. Plus, I always think that a baby will get easily cranky when they get home after an outing which will in turn take its toll on the mommy or daddy to calm a baby down. I mean, you're already tired yourself and you're expected to be very patient to get your baby to sleep and relax.


Since Isabel hasn't seen me for about 3-4 months, she screamed immediately when she saw me hehe.... they say there's some clash in 'air' when you're also carrying a baby girl in you but then again, she cried at everyone she saw except children.

And oh... BSC was practically swarming with kids! There were children everywhere! I've never really observed such a scene... seriously. There were mommies and baby strollers and kids running around and shouting... you can't walk two steps and not see children or pregnant mommies... hehe... moi included, I guess.

I was making fun of Nicole that before she had Isabel, she would probably also scream or jeer at the children or their mommies. But now, she's part of the pack hehe... how ironic, eh? And I admire her for her patience ohmygawd... she has her technique with Isabel to stop her from crying. Well, I did ask her if Isabel was teething because she was so cranky and wouldn't allow to be placed on her stroller. Hmmm... I guess I still have my mommy instincts as I was right... she was teething. Gosh... I wonder how I'd handle all those moments again... the night cries, the unexpected crankiness, the drama of attention seeking aka crocodile tears, the teething, and bla bla bla. Oh well. I guess we all have to face that somehow.

We walked around after we had lunch and my attention was glued once in awhile on other gorgeous pregnant mommies who either had good skin, beautiful features, smaller tummies and especially those who were actually wearing high heels while walking oh so comfortably. Hmmm... I wonder if they were wearing the Manolos that is similar to those specially designed for Sarah Jessica Parker when she was pregnant. Apparently, those killer heels are just as comfy to be worn in your pregnancy.

Anyways, I think I had a great weekend starting from that fine date I had with the one on Friday night. Although I was a little tense when I didn't get my usual dose of Mochachino on Saturday at the Raffali's, I managed to put together my famous nescafe shake when we got home last night. This afternoon, after a great time with the most wonderful gal-pal, it feels so good to wanna head straight home to the one you love.

While touching my smart tag at the exit, I thought how lucky I am. And I couldn't repeat that enough.

I feel so free.

You don't need to be a free soul when you're single. I mean, I was happy and free when I was single. In fact, I think I used the word, contented, back then. But then again, I knew that no matter how happy I am, my heart was still searching.

Now, I feel that my heart and soul is free. I love this life I’m living… there’s this bond and trust that we have in each other, that there’s no need for unnecessary worries or stress. I know that no woman should fully trust their man. I would question some of his gestures since he’s so well known for being so naïve and straight and we all know how some women just loves going after another woman's man. And no matter how any man would claim that they’re a one-woman-man, you would never really know for sure. After all, we’re just normal human and just one side step could change one’s life forever.

But I’m talking about something beyond that… the trust that you know you’re always on his mind… that he allows you to make your own decisions knowing that you always will consider him and the family before you do anything… that he lets you meet up with your girlfriends knowing that that is what you will be doing… that you let him meet up with his buddies because you know that that is exactly what he’d do… that when he calls you up to know what you’re up to, he is not checking up on you as he's being possessive but more so because he misses you so much…

The best part would be that you get excited when he calls because you’d end the conversation with ‘I love you’ not because it’s a routine, but because you both mean it and because you’d want each other to know that because life is short.

Those closest to me could see how well he’s treating me. I mean, they know how difficult it has been for me in my previous failed relationships and none of those men I met could even come close to the qualities that he has. I’m always thankful that I found him and although I did have doubts on how he’d be able to handle the much more mature and independent me, those doubts seem baseless now. I guess it could be the maturity and this pregnancy that makes him much more tolerant of me. But then again, it’s the fact that he loves all my quirks and takes me for me. And that is so important in a relationship.

Yes, you can go around and see/compare how better looking or seemingly better personality another man/woman has but I could always have the comfort to know in my heart that those are just probably 2% of what's more important.

It’s a blessing that both of us went thru such a horrible experience before we met each other for us to fully appreciate what we both now experience together and although life is not perfect, and neither are both of us, we know this is the best that we could keep our hands on and of how fate has its ways around us. We could want to have everything in life but we could also make the best of what we already have and make it even better.

Sometimes when things don't really go the way you wanted, some would say life sucks or life is so unfair. To me, life is just wonderful. Life is great. It's those people who exists in life that shapes life. You could take the empty piece of paper and just throw it in the bin or you could sketch the busy polluted stretch of street in front of you and make it into a nice piece of artwork.

I kept smiling thinking about this while driving back home. The drive seemed to be one breezy journey. As soon as I opened the front door, there was him… sitting on the couch with his fingers busy on his pink PSP while he pauses intermittently whenever I started sharing the things that happened at BSC in my usual passionate ways.

Once again, I am grateful.

One of the things about pregnancy that I feel so amazed about is the fact that I can't hold it when it comes to going to the toilet.

Frankly, I hate going to public toilets because we all Malaysians know how dirty our public toilets are. I would rather hold it until I get home rather than having to face the long queue, stinging smell and watery cubicle where you'd need to fold up your pants, wipe the toilet bowl clean and dry and put those toilet paper as the 'separator' between your thighs and the cold, stained toilet bowl. Urrghhh... the worst is the thought of exposing yourself to bacteria in your pregnancy. I so want to avoid that.

But but but... to my pleasant surprise, I finally found one public toilet that cannot be matched by any of the perceived cleaner public toilets in any of our shopping complexes. Not even the RM2 imposed entry into the 1st floor KLCC toilet nor the supposedly quite new toilets in the new wing of 1-Utama can come close to this particular toilet I came across last night.

See, the one and I have not been dating for months especially since I was getting heavier and uncomfortable to walk long distance in awhile. Recently though, I noticed that the pain has sorta gone away almost completely and that I have the strength to walk and walk and walk. Therefore, since I'd dread going to KLCC especially since they abolished the flat parking rate after 5pm, we thought we should check out the newly re-furbished Sunway Pyramid and its new wing.

We were surprised by the types of shops that has sprung open there... could even put KLCC to shame... girls, you might be pleasantly surprised to note that Charles and Keith is opening its store there at their old wing... they even have Wendy's, Carl's Jr and this very beautiful market-space concept similar (but smaller) to the one in Berjaya Times Square, and definitely more cosy and friendly ambience called Marrakesh. Once you enter (nearby the ice-skating rink heading towards the new wing) you can see this beautiful fresh fruit stall where they have the most gorgeous fruits you'd crave for - they even have avocado, imported grapes and just so much more including local fruits that I wish I could just grab them all and make meself a nice healthy juice. Hehe...

Anyways, after that hearty dinner we had, I decided to go to the nearest toilet I could find and walah... it is not only spacious and have very tasteful interior layout, the toilets were tip-top dry minus any smell! And, you don't even have to fork out RM2, not RM0.50, not even RM0.05.

The management didn't scrimp on space, handsoap was aplenty and smelt so delicious, and you can see your reflection on the floor. You could even do a number 2 with comfort.

On the 1st or 2nd floor (I can't really remember) on my first pit stop, there is a baby room before you reach the toilets. The room was simply amazing! The one and I checked out the room and saw how comfortable Sunway's management has made it for mommies shopping. They don't only have a changing area, but they've got a few sinks and a small play area where your older children could play while you change your little baby's diaper and nurse him/her.

I thought the refurbishment was only on its new wing (like 1 Utama) but heck no... the management made sure that the experience was felt throughout the mall and even the old wing was not spared for the face-lift. I must say they did a very good research on other shopping malls and ensured that theirs is of an international standard. Well, I do think that they probably have something better than even those bigger ones I've been to in Singapore.

But like I said earlier, the toilets are so important to mommies like me who finds it hard to hold it. The one in Isetan KLCC (at the children's dept) reek such a stinking smell since they don't have any water duvet to clean up. The bowls can even have sprinkles of yucky yellow stains and the paper towels is at times not replenished on time. No water + no tissue = No thank you, I'll pay RM2 for the premium toilet. But even the premium toilet smells (although just mildly) and the only thing good about it is the fact that they have toiletries for you to use. But come on... who'd actually use Body Shop lotion and body spray after a visit to the toilet especially when you've already worn a more expensive scent on your body??

The one in 1Utama new wing isn't that clean either. I was there when they just opened and although there is water, and tissues aplenty, the smell and the cleanliness wasn't kept to mark.

I guess I'll be visiting Sunway Pyramid more often for my shopping experience. Not only do they have good stores, their parking space is also built-in with this parking system where you need to only see the red/green light at every parking bay to know whether there are parking space available at the level. And, there is also an indication of how many empty bays at a specific level at their multiple-storey car park area. Plus, there's this fact that they're pretty close by to where I live anyway.

And oh, we only paid RM1.10 for parking by touch n go, which means only RM1 for those who pay using the conventional way. That was for our parking from about 6.30pm - 10pm.

Well done to Sunway. You've made this pregnant mommy's first-dating experience (since her pregnancy) with her dear hubby a truly comfortable and beautiful one. Hehe... and the fact that the clean toilets made my mood even more perfect... hehe.

No, this post is not sponsored by Sunway although I would accept any payments from them if they think they should ;P

The thing about pregnancy that I dread most has come to haunt me… starting this morning – leg cramps. Oh god…

I had always feared getting leg cramps this time around as I strongly recall how excruciating it was in the last pregnancy. It was bad. Horrendous, I must say. I guess I’ve realised that I was probably low in calcium (which I admit without hesitation) and the fact that I wanted to avoid water retention in my legs, made me put my legs straight up when I slept which in turn resulted in poor blood circulation resulting in leg cramps - a nightmare for me each night even at the early stages.

This time, I was happy since I’m already way past 6 months and no signs of leg cramps… that is, until this morning. And it was only in 1 leg… and the pain is much milder. But since I had already fixed the idea in my mind of how painful it is, no amount of ante-natal classes could make me recall any of the steps to massage the leg cramps away.

Now, I am dreading the next nights of the next 3 months until I am due.

Other than that, things have been pretty fine and dandy. The last visit to the gynae was something else. The doctor told me to eat less since I’m putting on more weight than I usually would. Geesh. I asked the one why he didn’t rebut her cos I strongly remember our first visit when she told him to allow me all I feel like eating and not force me to eat things I don’t like to eat. So… isn’t he making me happy by taking her advise?? Heh.

But ya la… I know I have to cut down a bit on my portions during meal times hehe. Hey… I’m just providing the comfort for my baby as she’ll have enough ‘cushions’ to bump into when I move.

So, I now eat less (er) hehe… and always feeling hungry. Uhuk uhuk uhuk…

Everything is Alhamdulillah, fine. My blood pressure is at a healthy level and the position of the foetus seems to be good. Am hoping that it’ll maintain at a healthy and safe level.

We spoke about our concerns and things we’ve learnt at the ante-natal class. Hmmm… I guess, it’s safe to say that in Malaysia, couples don’t have to waste time and money for independent ante-natal classes because the doctors and the hospitals they practice in, have their own set of beliefs and no amount of knowledge you get from the outside will make them flinch.

Suffice to say, we’ve wasted quite a bit since the doctor is not open to the suggestion and consideration. See, even if you browse the websites and books on pregnancy, one of the things they’d advise you would be to put down in writing things you’d want and things you don’t want to happen during delivery, with a disclaimer that reads in case of emergency, all of the points can be compromised, up to the discretion of the medical practitioner involved. But, as we learnt in our last visit, all those things are not really acceptable in even the best/most modern private facility.

See, part of what we thought we could do was to let’s say…. Bring extra pillows or have an aromatherapy candle or a small stereo for soothing music while being tense or changing positions when mommy’s not comfortable or being able to walk rather than be strapped permanently with the baby monitor instead of at strategic intervals or for the dads to be able to be an active participant, and the list goes on.

Turns out – nope. Bring yourself, bring several pairs of comfy night gowns and undies, and that’s it. The belief system is set in that all mothers will give birth lying down as that is the most comfy position when it was so clear to us in the video that we saw of how this woman who seem to be able to bear the pain until she was asked to lie down for them to check the opening of her cervix. Logically, the pain is worse in that position as we defy the laws of gravity.

The only consolation I have from the discussion was that the doctor did not believe in episiotomy unless very necessary. So there. My positive experience will be dealt with in the most conservative way and I’d just have to let it be as they know best.

I know that what we want at the end of the day is for the baby to be delivered safe and sound. But there are many ways for us to reach that same result and I would want to have the choice because it is my body, and my experience. I don’t care if a million others were strapped in bed because this is me, and I’d like to at least be assured that yes, my needs will be cared for.

Hmmm… easier said than done, I guess. So, we’ll just see then. At least I have the comfort from friends who've been under this doctor when they say that she is just as patient and will work with the mommy and daddy the best she could, rather than impose on procedures that are truly unnecessary.

The doctor then told me there’s nothing for me to worry about since it’s my second and it should be a much easier labour. Oh kay.

Yes, I am stubborn.

On another note, I managed to convert the one into a Nokia user. Yeay!

I’ve handed over to him my precious E90 since he loves that phone so much. Oh well, he subsidised that phone in the first place or I wouldn’t even dream of buying a phone at a price more than RM3k.

But, I asked him many times if he was sure he’d want to trade in his beloved 3.2mp sony ericsson phone for a replacement phone for me, a 2mp Nokia. I guess he didn’t mind it one bit as the E90 is not only 3.2mp but also has all the features that his phone didn’t – including GPS, a keyboard, wide screen when opened, that surround speaker sound and bla and bla and bla. Therefore, he kinda took it as a good bargain.

I, on the other hand, managed to get my hands on the Classic Nokia 6120. It is so slim and beautiful. Comes in 2 hues – black and pink. Of course, carrying this girl in me, I seem to want everything in pink.