Reminiscing the first poem I wrote, 1 day after that beautiful first date with the one back in 2005... how lovely the feeling of being in love, fighting the huge wave of emotions and searching for the truth in my heart. Back then, I was so afraid of falling in love again as I was disappointed for the last time and vowed that I would fight off any feelings because they will lead me nowhere.
After 2 years of getting to know each other, we were united in matrimony and today, it has been three wonderful years that's not without its ups and downs. And to think that it all started with this (this poem was posted on my previous blog in 2005)...
What’s going on
My heart’s throbbing hard
Like it’s ripped apart and torn
My heart’s throbbing fast
Like drum rolls and beating
I’m afraid to ask
I’m afraid to think
What are you doing to me
Why are you here
Why do you whisper sweet nothings
I’m still in fear
U came by unexpected
Not even considered
I wasn’t searching
Neither were you thinking
Though I welcome the attention
The unwarranted admiration
And I loved the company I was in
A conversation with not much expectation
The after-effect was one hard blow
To deal with it I simply do not know
The thought of you makes me oh so weak
My mind’s so messed up, I feel meek
I don’t know what else to think
Wanting to let it all go by
Trying to make it all sink
And just fly
The unanswered question
Is one I’d like to leave it at that
But the much anticipation
Had answered it all with facts
I’m afraid to look
I’m afraid to wonder
But u gave me no choice
You came around strong like thunder
Dropping a bomb at my usual asunder
Making me cringe whilst the words strung louder
Pulling me up higher and higher
I’m afraid I’d fall and get burnt by the fire
I dunno but the feeling’s marvellous
And I’d want to get drowned
In this thing that’s just so miraculous
I love the feeling that you brought upon
Because of you the spirit’s reborn
The fact that we both are not searching at all
It’s so weird how we even got to know each other
How we decided that call
And now you’ve asked for me to stay
You assured me hope
And tell me I’m no clods of clay
You’re holding on tightly at the end of the rope
I should just be myself
That I should give you a chance
This is not a game
I thought oh god… we speak the same
I’m not sure what will turn for us
There’s still excess from things of the previous
You can say what you want
But it all boils down to you
I don’t want to get hurt again
I don’t want to be blue
I know you hurt too
And seek happiness
But I’m asking you to give us time
To test our readiness
I’m not so sure that I’ve got the answer
Though this feels great I’m afraid to go deep into slumber
I’m so used to short term though I don’t want to look back
I’m still scarred from a long long fight
Listen to me, my heart’s still a wreck
Be careful what you wish for
For the wish may come true
It may be what you’re asking
But not really for you
I feel grateful for your presence in my life
And the exuberance you brought may just be a test
I still need time to let it all sink in
Just hold me tight, the battle we might win…
- written by toughcookie, 1 Sept 2005
Happy Anniversary, baby... and Alhamdulillah syukur... I am so glad to have found you in my life.
My life has changed since and I couldn't have asked for a better man.
