i shall not stop writing.

First of all, I am no expert in this matter since I myself have only been married for 3 years. Yes, I do have an opinion on this issue but I would like to say that they might not work when only one party practices it because it takes two people in a marriage to work together to maintain a harmonious relationship, to honour and respect each other, to love and cherish one another, til death do them apart. Unfortunately, these things are scarce these days with people all wanting shortcuts and many prefer being non-confrontational, which sometimes lead to lack of communications and eventually scores of misunderstanding.

First of all, I would say, marry because of the love you have for each other - not because he could buy you a Beemer (although that would be a bonus, yes) or because he has a body like abang Vin Diesel, etc. When you love each other that much, you would do anything for one another.... you would work hard to create wealth to grow your family together, you would want to cook for the family even when you're dead tired after a long day at work and you would always want to do things together. That would create a happier environment and there isn't anything you can't face since both of you would support each other in times of need and be your pillar of strength when you need a shoulder to cry on.

With love, both of you will get far because you would always remember why and how you both got there in the first place and even when there are fights or misunderstanding at home (yes, there will always be these moments, definitely), the love you have for one another will bring you back to each other's arms.

If you marry because of money, you must know that wealth can just be taken away if one is not careful. I've seen how someone got married hastily for money but as soon as there was a financial crisis at home, she packed her bags and left the husband.

With love, you would take each other as is, accept their flaws no matter how much you complain about them and keep supporting each other for a better future together. Surely, love is just a feeling that can dissipate with time, if one is not careful. So, I guess, this is not an independent point and must work with other factors in a marriage.

Secondly, I strongly believe that the couple must both know and be fully aware of their responsibilities. The husband must be aware of his role as the leader of his family and the wife must realise that she is a wife no matter how much you want to fight for gender equality. When you have a sense of responsibility towards your family, I think most affairs and betrayal would be non-existent. That's why, I feel that women especially, must always get their husbands involved in raising their kids, not just by giving pocket money. There needs to be proper bonding activities like bathing the kids, tucking them to bed at night, reading them stories, going swimming, etc. If you don't have kids, get your husband involved in some decision-making process relating to the house or the vacation and stuff like that which involves the two of you. I know some men dislike these things but that's probably because they've never tried it or prefer the easy way out since women can be quite manipulative sometimes as they'd want their other half to agree to everything they've decided.

With the sense of responsibility, both parties will have a sense of belonging at home and towards each other and it makes things more convenient for the couple. When you know what you're supposed to do at home or for your partner, you will realise that they are always on your mind - like what they would like to have for lunch/dinner, that you would think hard before you decide anything so that you will consider your partner's likes and dislikes. I think so la...

With sense of responsibility, you can prevent one from taking their partner for granted and simply think that everything will fall in place eventually, without even putting any efforts in the relationship. That's the mistake many couples make - to think that a marriage is like the end destination after the courtship and years of dating. The thing is, it isn't the end... in fact, it is just the beginning of life-changing moments.

To me, the fact that you've decided to get married in the first place, you are ready to take on a bigger responsibility. It isn't like fashion where it's something you have to get and wear. It is a huge task of two people working their way up and looking forward to what's in store for the future without being held up by what they missed from those days of singledom.

You have to take actions in your life and being responsible will ensure that your family is well cared for.

Then, the next point would be to hone your listening skills and be patient. Accept the fact that no one is perfect, not even you. Staying with each other for the rest of your lives would be a perfect formula to boredom if you don't listen to the needs of your partner. There will always be new things for you to discover about your partner because humans evolve through time... I used to like blue back then but I no longer favour the colour. Things change and both of you must learn to listen and adapt. You can't assume that things will be the same for the next 30 years and you'd need to be patient if you expect some things to change for the better. This, is also a reminder for myself, actually... because patience has never been my strongest virtue.

I also think that family should always come first. You'd need to learn to prioritise. Just because you're busy at work, that doesn't mean that your family must always understand you and your busy-ness. You'd be surprised at how many of your colleagues who would secretly admire that family-man or family-woman trait in you if you'd always put family before work. I am not saying that you don't need to work. I am just saying that you must prioritise... time/manage your work properly so that you'd be able to return home by dinner or stuff like that. Because like it or not, an employer will not be with you in times of need but your family will. Don't put off that vacation with your other half because you feel that no one else in this world can do that project except you... and you don't have to feel the need to be popular with the entire world when you sacrifice being popular with your own family.

Most importantly, I think, we'd need to throw away our egos when dealing with our most beloved soulmate. Egos always get in the way of everything. Yes, I agree that at times, it does help to display some egoistic tendency simply because we deal with another human. And being human, we always tend to forget things. Things are easily forgotten. Though that hardly applies to me (because I remember everything... haha!) I find that people consciously practice being amnesiac. It's the best defense system if they suddenly realised they've lost a little bit of the 'being responsible' factor or other factors for that matter.

As much as I think there are many other factors to what can make a marriage work til the end, I just feel that these are the most important ones that you simply have to get it tattooed on your heart. Only then, and constantly reminding yourself of who you are and what you'r supposed to do, can possibly make a marriage work for the longest time. I think....

All the best in your next adventure and don't easily give up.

Ok.. it’s been almost a month since my last post as I’ve been very pre-occupied… well, mostly due to the constant Twitter updates that is just as satisfying; a little more due to facebook and their addictive games which I could always participate in between breaks; but more so because of the endless attention required of a growing toddler who has learnt to walk and always able to grab mommy at any time and every time. *phew*

Anyways, I have been very busy with work and I thought it may take me another one week or two before I have the energy to blog again but something just hit me tonight and I have this strong urge to write an entry.

See, there was this discussion on blogging and how some people could still regard blogs as an unimportant marketing tool. Really, at this age and time (and this, I meant the 21st Century – not my ‘age’) I am perplexed at such an opinion. No, it’s not because I am a blogger myself. I am saying this because anyone who’s familiar with the internet and use the internet as a source of info would know and could see how much has changed over the years… how blogs have evolved from what they were before – an avenue to voice out concerns/sharing of information to one of the most effective marketing tools nowadays.

I was even more perplexed that this opinion came from a successful entrepreneur who was taken in by the advise of her friend (also a successful entrepreneur in the same industry) that a blog is not important, and that she should focus more on revenue-generating efforts – an advise given by a person who owns a personal blog with plenty of links to reputable connections in the industry, advertisement spaces and clearly stated contact details for, what else – income generating opportunity! I was about to open my mouth wide but stopped immediately since my advise doesn’t come free that easily and I shall say no more ☺

No longer can one say that blogging is a waste of time or rubbish. Yes, you get some people who writes rubbish but who’s to judge when they have hundreds of ‘followers’ on their blogs. It’s no longer about the content… but more of the following, readership and connections on a personal level. Some say it is no longer fun blog-hopping because one tends to read too many advertorials and entries on online contests but I guess, this sort of marketing and promotions work… or else no advertisers or sponsors would venture into such tactics – it works!

One is no longer subjected to the confinements of one’s home with house chores to be completed. Instead, many housewives have now started to blog to gain additional income (although I am not sure how much one can really earn from sponsored posts/ads like nuffnang, on average). Housewives are also smarter by pursuing their hobbies and selling their products online, through their blogs, that are also filled with links to other bloggers and a huge number of online conversations.

Big corporations in Malaysia have started to open up and welcome bloggers to their events and functions, as they know how powerful it is when certain messages are exchanged in blogs. In this case, bloggers are treated somewhat similar to media practitioners because some people (moi included) do not have that much trust in paid media due to the perception that adspend always (or most of the time) influences the angle of an article unlike independent opinions of bloggers, who at most times provide an objective opinion and approachable at a more personal level through the interactive environment - be it in the comments section or ‘Shout Box’ displayed in their blogs. I, for one, was privileged to be invited by MAS to their Cabin Crew Training for bloggers as they felt that it was important for us bloggers to educate the public of their new motto of Malaysian Hospitality and that cabin crewmembers are not just pretty faces.

Many companies have adopted and accepted the concept of including bloggers into their PR and marketing acitivities. One just cannot discount the importance and strength of published information on a blog, as I learnt back in 2005 just after the Tsunami that badly hit our neighbours and some northern parts of our country. In the news sense, information traveled faster than the main news channels; footages from the catastrophe that were aired on national and international news networks were sourced from blogs; and what I remember most was how a mat saleh baby, whose family had fallen victim to the giant waves in Phuket, was identified by their relatives in Germany (I think!) from photos of him posted in blogs. These, I found out based on my research for an IT article I was required to submit for a client's newsletter. From then on, I discovered the satisfaction of blogging, made many friends through blogging, and of course, met the one from blog-hopping.

Now, almost 5 years later, companies not only welcome bloggers' opinions, many have built special blogs for employees/customers/registered bloggers to post entries/reviews on their blogs. Even politicians have accepted this fact – that opinions posted on blogs can be powerful and how many have tried to create a monitoring system for Malaysian bloggers. Of course, this ain’t easy. Hence, we can now find many blogs of our politicians, all who fell into the saying, "If you can't beat them, join them."… some write their own entries, while some probably use the services of ghost writers.

In the US alone, the acceptance of blogs as a powerful source of info is so overwhelming that even CEOs blog. Sad to say, the only CEO in Malaysia who blogs is none other than Tony Fernandes (I’m not sure… is he a Datuk Seri now?). No wonder he can be such an admired corporate figure… it’s this acceptance and moving along with the times allow him to be the pioneer of many wonderful opportunities…

I, for one, who’s an internet savvy individual – who uses the internet to find information and learns from what she discovers every time, would have to totally say that blogging is an important tool for whatever reasons – be it for marketing purposes or even branding… not necessarily branding/portraying a certain image for your products. Blogging also creates branding for yourself, through the eyes of your readers from what you write. This is because you allow people to get to know you better since what you write is usually seen as a personal opinion; you reach out a massive audience as your blog can be accessed publicly (if you do not choose to make it private) and there are millions out there, at least, who, like me, uses the net as a main source of information. Heck, just one keyword typed in a search engine will display hundreds if not thousands of blog lists that relate to a certain view or reviews that you are searching for. More often than not, those opinions count because those are the information that you obtain FOC.

Heck, I no longer buy beauty magazines as I sometimes find them with too many adverts that do not appeal to me and articles that are downright boring. For now, I am very happy to read two beauty blogs whom I have begun to trust in their suggestions and recommendations, even though I have only been following them for a couple of months. Part of my decision to try out a facial session at Lancome was due to limited information on some beauty brands that I was looking for and the Lancome Beauty Institute in Bangsar Village II was at the top of the list, written by one of them. That was enough to get me curious and how I got totally hooked after the experience under those warm, magical hands of Tiffany ;P

Same goes for you, if you have not been blogging yet. I am not persuading you to… but if you underestimate the power of blogs, get these facts:

- 22 of the 100 most popular websites in the world are blogs

- 51% of blog readers shop online

- blog readers average 23 hours online each week

- 89% of companies surveyed say they think blogs will be more important in the next five years (this is an American survey

- there are 500,000 active bloggers in Malaysia, ranking us among the highest in the world after Indonesia and EU (70% of the election results were influenced by information found in blogs)

- more and more bloggers have garnered additional income from blogging

If you are seeking to reach your audience and brand yourself to be more approachable and accessible, this is one great way to do it. But if you can’t see that, then you lose out in the massive opportunity and just be a follower, rather than the force that you want to portray to them. Hence, you lose out to your competitor who actively blogs.

Geesh... now this is definitely a free advise, huh?

Malaysia Central - Blog Directory

I almost cried when I read one touchy sms from a friend. It was regarding something so small in my definition but meant so much to her. I wanted to reply but really didn’t know what to write. It’s as if there are no more words left and it should be left at that.

It’s weird when what little you think you have done can make such a big difference to someone else. It makes you wonder how subjective things in life is presented to you. What could be something so insignificant to one can be a major life-changing event, in a positive way, to another. And I am glad, that I’ve touched one’s life in such a way. The feeling’s mutual.

On the other hand, some things you deem so insignificant can be perceived as something so negative that a solid friendship built for so many years is threatened.

I’ve always said that communications is key to almost everything. A friendship that we treasure most although would never run from arguments and misunderstanding, should be able to stand the test of time… only by communicating can things be ironed out.

However, some of us may not be gifted with the ability to choose the right words. Sometimes, the more you try to explain and justify yourself, words seem to be not enough and you dig yourself deeper into the hole. But again, I belief that friends who’ve come a long way should not have that much trouble since both are supposed to understand each other, and both should have that tolerance level for such a friendship to last that long.

I admit, I have been disappointed several times by people I call friends. But disappointment is based on your own definition. How much do you love the friendship? If it really means that much to me, I’d just let the issues fly by, gone into thin air. So, no, so far I have not severed any friendship because I only have a handful of people I can call ‘friends’ and I know I could never replace them. Of course, when I was much more immature (like probably 10 years ago), I might have lost a friend or two but nothing I’d regret.

Come past 26 (I think!) I’d take things in my stride. Simple misunderstandings (if any) are part and parcel of life (unless if that person sleeps with your husband or something, then that’s it laa… cut off terus).

No, this post is not about me. It is about two friends whom I have been in touch with, with one of them kinda in the midst of severing ties with the other. I was fortunate to be able to talk and hear both of them out, and give them my take on the situation that happened months ago.

I believe (and I can’t reiterate this often enough) that communications is key. Sometimes, when you think you’re hurting you can’t assume that the person on the other end knows exactly what’s going on. And, I believe it is not healthy to have pent up emotions because it becomes sort of a virus that grows each day in your heart and will one day snap from its roots, making one loses ground.

Of course you shouldn’t keep taking shit from your friends either. Hey, if that happens, you shouldn’t even call him your friend. But if that person wants to explain and apologise, a friend should give him that opportunity before one decides to diss him or otherwise.

I’m not supposed to take sides here. But I think for one part, the person is totally ignorant of his choice of words and the other part, the person is not allowing any explanation as that choice of word was not the highlight of the issue, apparently. When you get angry, you start to keep to yourself in your own world and suddenly you realise that you’re not just angry at the issue at hand but many other unresolved issues which you’ve played in your head over and over again.

I’ve been in that situation before. Sometimes when you love a friend so much, you’d want to do anything for him/her, up to the point of protecting your friend. But sometimes, things are easily misconstrued. I mean, life is so fragile. People would hear what they want to hear, they’d read what they want to read. If one doesn’t ask what they actually mean, misunderstandings are inevitable.

A friendship is similar to a relationship too. When it has gone on way too long, one starts to lose touch whilst the other start to recount on what one has contributed in the friendship. There’s always two sides of a coin.

I guess when you think you’re hurting, you might never know that the other feels hurt even more. And if you have so many things you think the other party is insensitive about, the other party may have similar issues on insensitivity.

Well, I guess I may not be able to understand it truly because I am not like that. I let go things too easily amongst friends because I treasure them so much and good friends are hard to find. Even if I do get upset about something, it would probably last only for a maximum of 3 days. I just love my friends too much.

Well, I probably learnt this from a very good friend who told me before that one shouldn’t give up on friends. He has friends who did drugs, friends who have other priorities, friends who appears and be gone in a jiffy, and many more. But yet he didn’t give up on any of them because life is a cycle. You may be on top now but you may need friends to help you later. Not everyone will honour a friendship. One can be friends with you but only when things are okay. When you’re down, the same faces may not appear.

I believed him because I saw how tight the group has been. Even when I’ve sorta left the group after hooking up with the one, they’d still not forget me whenever there’s a group do or minor gathering. They’ve been there for me when I was alone and single, and they’re still there for me now even if I don’t hang out with them at all. Keeping a solid friendship doesn’t need to mean hanging out all day each day. Even poking your friend over at fb is good enough to know that you’re thinking about that person. All of us have things to do, commitment to fulfill and all… friends would understand. Especially if you’ve been through so much together, those memories are what holds a strong friendship.

But when it comes to words expressed, it may be a little complicated especially if one thinks it is taken out of context while the other does not give the opportunity for one to explain. Both parties would usually think they are on the right side.

Well, I guess if the friendship is that fragile, there’s no point in making each other’s life miserable, right? One should at least make the effort in contacting the other, while the other should tell straight to the face to f-off. Keeping quiet will not solve a problem since the person on the other end does not know where he/she stands. Honesty would be helpful.

I don’t know where I am getting at here and in the risk of getting misunderstood meself. So, here I’d like to make it clear that I’m not belittling either parties. I’m just penning my thoughts on friendship and let my friends know that I’m glad to have them all as friends… I have blogger friends, I have whom I call the taman tun clan, I have my ex-school/unimate selected friends, the one’s good friends who have been close to me, good friends of friends, but best of all, I have four ladies whom I call, my best friends… these four ladies even have a special ringtone on my cell. Who said we’ve never fought? We have… but it got us stronger to where we are now and even when things don't look too good, we always look at the positive side.

Apart from my family, I treasure my friends. You simply need friends in life. Yes, new ones are easy to find but for me, in this age and time where we are busy with our own stuff, solid friendship is not easy to maintain. Those I’ve known for years and I’m comfortable with are those that has remained the best. They know you, they understand you, and things you share are more on a personal level.

It’s alright if you don’t think you need one but it’s good to tell the other party what you feel so that both could close the chapter and move on. For one, it ain’t nice holding on to grudges and for another, the guilt for something unintentional doesn’t feel quite right. Everyone makes mistakes as to err is human (I am only referring to the unintentional mistakes, not those that are intentionally done over and over again). If one doesn’t tell his/her expectations, the other party would be in a spot as they’re usually oblivious. Even couples who are married for years could split when one starts to give up.

Seriously, I’m 2 days short of my 33rd birthday. Age is increasing and life is short. Hmmm… that sounds so familiar from a person I thought was a friend back then. I have no conclusion to this story. And I am tired already. And I’ve ran out of points.

In the end, things may be easier to mend if both people talk to each other, even if it will be the last conversation.

So... I learnt that people can be so concerned over the negative meaning of sentences instead of taking the entire paragraph as a whole.

And, I learnt that the most intelligent or successful of people can be just as insecure and inferior of those around them, simply by interpreting the worst and believing in the truth of what's written when it can be fictitious, a general sweeping statement or simply an opinion voiced out with no malicious intention.

Plus, time and again, although many bloggers (I don't mean bloggers who use their site as a 'professional' medium to voice out their opinions) have wrote many times that what they write is a representation of that particular time and does not in any way symbolise an entire lifetime of personal views carved in stones, some people will just interpret what they want to interpret. That is why you can read so many blogs where today they'd say one thing and the next week they'd say another. You just cannot judge a blog (generally, I mean).

Well, like they say, when you write something out in the open, you'd have to be open enough to accept anything that comes your way. I just don't get this, actually... because where many people write to gain attention, some of us write just for the passion of it... we love to write, people love to read what we write, and so we write. We get the necessary self-satisfaction out of knowing that what we write can inspire others... that what we write can make a difference in some people's lives... that what we write relates to so much of what another goes thru...

That last point, I so agree... cos that was what brought my heart closer to my the one... it was thru his writing that made me fall so hard for him as I felt for him the way I knew he would feel for me too if he had read me much earlier.

Sometimes, what we write is just a view right out from the mind or the heart... no bad intentions... the only bad intentions would be to highlight the problem for others to learn from it... and that is good from others' perspective.

So, when one takes in something so negatively from something so simple, orang tu yang makan cili, I guess. I won't regret it one bit if the whole world understands what someone is writing while one or two person perceived it differently. After all, all of us are different. You can't simply control one's mind to adhere to what you think is right... because sometimes, when you dig deeper, what you think is right may only account for 2% of what's more important. You lose the meaning, you lose the lesson, you lose.