i shall not stop writing.

I was supposed to blog about something else but since I feel so strongly about this subject tonight, I shall blog about this instead.

My dear friend and ex-colleague, Elaine, is back for a short break and since little jj and I were down with chicken pox during her last trip back home, we made sure to make time for each other this time.

The meeting was made even more meaningful when our lovely friend and ex-colleague (too!), Nicole, managed to take off from work and converged at my apartment this afternoon. After I sent the little munchkin off to school, I joined them both for a quick lunch at KFC since Elaine was craving for it due to it not being available in Switzerland... and promised to join them a little later for dinner, to meet another friend whom I had not met and chatted in ages. So, I went back home to let little jj take her beauty nap while the two of them headed to 1Utama where Nicole had to meet someone for a discussion.

In between waiting for little jj to wake up from her afternoon nap and the eagerness for the one to return home quickly, Elaine called me up to tell me that she might have left her camera at one of the shops in Giant while shopping for stuff after I left. Of course, my instant response would be to say that she might not be getting that camera back if she had left it there. I mean, Digital Camera? And in Giant? There are tonnes of patrons going in and out and electronic stuff like that are usually stuff that you may not see again if you misplace them.

Well, as a friend, all I could do was to go back to the store and just ask, out of obligation. I mean, I wouldn't know what the outcome may be even with the assumption of it disappearing permanently. It is after all just nearby my place, and I thought it wouldn't hurt to drop by just before I go off to meet them for dinner.

The first stop was at the RM5 shop... the promoters there gave me a negative answer. So, my next hope would be KFC, where we had our lunch.

I queued up and then asked this one girl at the last counter if anybody had found a digital camera that a friend of mine might have left.

Whaddaya know... honesty, trustworthiness and sincerity still live on in the selected few urban population. She nodded and smiled, pulled out the drawer right next to her, took out all the documents and stuff, and then took out the black pouch with the camera, all still intact. And as if it was my own possession, I was thrilled and let out a few arabic words of gratefulness to Allah, thanked her for the kindness and left the place feeling ecstatic... that I was glad to have dropped by the place and was able to extend whatever kindness back to Elaine by doing this small favour.

So, to all of you, I would like to tell you here that the KFC outlet in Giant Mall, Kelana Jaya, has people who deserve to be given the acknowledgement in here. I shall drop by more often there.

Of course before that, I text her and said, tough luck. Haha. She thought the camera was totally gone. In reality, luck is tough. But I didn't mention that luck was actually on her side ;)

I made my way to 1Utama but the traffic was really really bad and parking was a challenge. But things were good and we all had our usual good time together, joined by Carmen, another ex-colleague turned good friend.

The three of us have come a long way from where we were back then and the amount of things we all went through together while working under a crazy bitch has formed a relatively strong friendship between us. Carmen, was an outsider always looking in on us... she was taking care of bancassurance matters and totally understood what the three of us had endured, being in that 'aquarium' on the 30th floor of Menara HLA.

Seriously, apart from one other friend (and ex-colleague) who's now residing in Sydney, these two are an entirely different story. Up til now, after more than 7 years away from the evil clutches of a devil who wore Nine West, we could all still talk about her non-stop and how much she flows in our bloodstream. Still. Haha. We would imitate her scolding Elaine especially, since Elaine's hands would tremble at every WIP meeting every Monday morning at 9 am sharp. And she would always attack Elaine first since Elaine would exude that vulnerable aura which was magnetic enough to pull a negative energy towards her...

We would always remember how she would bang all the doors to the pantry cupboards just because Elaine (who was in charge of events' catering) didn't understand what she meant by having the meals 'hidang' style haha... I was very new at that time and boy... did my eyes pop out when the entire 30th floor echoed with the loud shutting of cupboards, pulling out cups and saucers ;P

We would always talk about how she'd question Elaine on why her hands were shaking at every WIP meetings and how bad she made Elaine cry...

Tonight, we were even recalling some really awful stuff which may not be that nice to be mentioned here.

Then, there was that fake surprised expression in all of us during every birthday celebration! See, she doesn't have that many friends in life and because of that, she made us contribute RM50 for every staff's birthday (while she, who earned 4x our salary, also contributed the same amount!). What she NEVER knew was, all of us had planned the birthday gifts together, ie. we would buy the gifts together. Therefore, except for her gift, we would all already know what we were getting for our birthdays. And since she's a sucker for surprises, we let her be surprised with her gift, while all of us pretended to be surprised with normal and standard statements like, "Oooh, this is soooo thoughtful of you!" or "Omygawd... how did you know I wanted this??" or "Ohmygawd ohmygawd... I've always wanted to get this for myself"!! Haha... the only thing we didn't know coming would be the type of cakes that we're getting and the modus operandi of the surprise party.

I think that birthday thingy must be the best joke for us as we act surprised in front of her. Oh, and how much they hated that I was her 'pet' because I could anticipate her expectations ;P

Of course, to be fair to her, not everything is bad.

No no... let me rephrase that... in all the devils that you meet, there would be valuable lessons in life that you could extract and apply it to your advantage.

When Nicole and I became heads of department for different organisations after we left Hong Leong, we agreed that one of the best things about Ms Cruella deVille, was her weekly WIP. It was perfect. Everywhere else, people are always so busy... too busy to even discuss WIPs. But with her, it was compulsory. If you have not done it, you're supposed to complete it during weekends or come to the office by 7am on Monday. I tell you, our weekend was always spent worrying in case there are things we have committed to doing the week before and was not accomplished. WIP is a great way to plan your schedules and work is done more efficiently. The best part would be the fact that everyone in the department knows what you're doing and in case an outsider enquires about certain things when you're away, anybody else can answer on your behalf.... at least, no one can say they do not know...

Secondly, when it comes to sending out emails (especially when the whole world was copied), we would reread, go through the entire email hundreds of times and make amendments to specific words used to ensure that people do not misconstrue our true intentions and no one irrelevant would get into trouble. Therefore, one simple email may take 1/2 hour to 1 hour before it is actually sent. These days, people would simply hit the send button and get into trouble... spelling errors, wrong recipients, etc.

Thirdly, everything must be done in black and white. So many people love to screw corporate communications as they either think we are magicians or that we could create miracles. Once a black and white is out with proper confirmation and agreed content, we would ensure that the department is not taken for a ride and definitely not used as taichi. We found that all other organisations we worked in, are not friendly with this black and white concept so we concluded that it is all up to the leadership.

We also learnt from her how to multi-task, remember things at the tip of our fingers, negotiate for good rates more effectively and work efficiently even in a lean team. There were only 3 of us handling the group yet we all managed to pull through it all, sweat, tears and all. And the priceless part was learning the fact that everything has a hundred ways of getting done. There is no such thing as 'No'... everything is a 'Can' and you are required to think of ways to get it done... of course, within limits. I guess that must be the most valuable skill that I could even apply in my daily tasks.

Last but not least, no matter how bad she was, she was extremely fair when it comes to remuneration and evaluations. She would always always rate us all very high and openly refutes HR's concept of having quotas for over-achievers. To her, if everyone did a good job, then everyone should be evaluated professionally and given the necessary rewards. No one should be left behind to make way for an over-achiever. And no matter how much she liked to make Elaine fearful of her, she actually fought for Elaine's upgrade and pay rise as soon as I joined the department, since I had similar years of experience to her but I was getting a higher pay as I joined from another organisation. In this sense, she showed me clearly that no matter what HR says, the boss has the rights to change anything, when it deems fit. Hence, this was what we did too when we became bosses - to fight for what's right for the staff even if HR's policy and guidelines say otherwise... I mean, rules are just basic guidelines... a boss has a powerful voice since they would know best of how valuable the staff is to a company. Furthermore, I believe that the efficiency of the staff reflects heavily on the leadership... if a staff excels, surely the boss has given so much motivation. If one fails to perform, there must be something wrong with the leadership...

There are a lot more skills that we developed from working under her but those aren't really skills we learnt from her... more of skills we learnt to survive under her... which was pretty good, actually.

So, while I was browsing through my old files, I found several very memorable photos I have of all of us... something that I shall never ever forget for the rest of my life because these are really wonderful women who've kinda grown with me, accept each other as is, support each other through whatever decisions we make in life and remain friends through it all.

Love you guys!!

I was into my mother cat mode again just awhile ago, trying to scare this one person who commented that a photo of little jj the one posted on his facebook page, looked ‘weird’. Heck no… I was just joking la and thank god that woman took it as a joke as well hehe…

Well, in cases like this, I wouldn’t just point my finger on the person who ‘seem’ to write comments that are directed a little towards the negative side, but I would also think that the one shouldn’t be posting any pictures without looking at the entire details and angle first… I mean, if he wanted to post a photo of little jj, do pick one that she’d look so adorable in it.

Yeah, yeah… him being him, he’d say that little jj looks adorable in ALL the photos hehe… daddy and his little girl… what else can I say.

Anyway, that is not the point. The point that I wanted to write in the first place is regarding things that are written here and how some people would take it.

See, I had posted one entry previously and the one pointed out one paragraph that may hit some sour notes in some people he knows. When I heard that, I quickly replied that it was a general statement and I know other people who does the same thing. I mean, come on… the majority of us would brush our teeth first before we bathe in the morning while some others would bathe before they brush their teeth – a simple example of similar things people go thru in a day.

I was blunt to point out to him that he shouldn’t be thinking of other people’s feelings when some people obviously did not even bother about his feelings.

I may sound like a broken record but I have always told the one that he is too nice of a guy… too nice that sometimes, people would just take him for granted, do whatever they like and expect him to be just a-okay with everything, forgive and forget. Yes, I know this is a noble trait and yeay, I got myself a really great guy. But, being there before myself, like more than 10 years ago, I’d hate it when he is treated as if he’s not important enough in an ‘important-enough’ friendship now, at a mature age of 30, with people acting so immaturely expecting him to suck it up maturely.

You think I am over-reacting? Well… I know someone who reacted even worse when something really small sorta plagued her husband. This is like how the Malay saying goes, ‘Cubit paha kiri, paha kanan terasa sakit juga’.

As a naturally protective person, I don’t think I am over-reacting. I am just concerned that the people I love don’t get hurt. Still, I believe life is full of wonderful experiences… one will go thru certain things before one sees something else in front of him/her. Life is forever a learning process.

And this is how it has always been in my blog. For those who has been reading me especially since I started blogging in 2005, you’d be familiar how I’d write things that matters to me and I’d express it in a way where it is like a reminder to me on how fragile life is. How fragile love is.

Sometimes, something will happen to someone else or even myself, and things that had happened to me even 10 years back will bring back intense feelings and I’d write it down. I think many people have written in to me on how much they could relate to many of the things I’ve written. I even have one request to put her story down in writing just so that others do not make the same mistake she did... but I never did write about it because I need to feel, in order to write since it will always come from the heart.

Talking about relating to things, I even felt so close to what the one wrote even before we met each other since he sorta wrote similar things that happened to me in the past as well. But I guess… those things evoke positive feelings to appear inside of me, for him, unlike that short para that I wrote which may bring about another bout of volcano eruptions with more exclamation marks to add.

I love him… and so, even with much objections to what he think will be perceived by some people, I took the paragraph out without much hesitation. I guess that showed respect.

I still think he deserved much more respect than what was given to him and I really think some people don’t deserve him, as a friend. Of course, I don’t think they’re such bad people but I guess, the environment, success and ignorance, change many people.

Oh… there I go again… expressing my deepest thoughts.

I can’t help feeling disappointed about what happened but that doesn’t mean that I would keep dwelling on it. I have so many other things happening in my life and I really do not have time for nonsense. Furthermore, they're not my friends to begin with. My only concern is the well-being of the people I love.

Therefore, I’d just like to reiterate the reason I write in here. As my blog title goes – I Shall Not Stop Writing. Especially not when I feel so strongly about something. It has always been that way since the first day I started blogging. Sometimes, you could even read similar stuff because that is how I feel at that point of time and it doesn’t mean that I am directing it to a specific person.

So… if in the future, there will be some topics or paragraph that may hit some nerves in some people, they are just a personal view of my surroundings and what I feel about it which would probably be just coincidental with what you may have gone thru. You can take it in a positive way or whichever way you like, I leave it to you because this blog wasn’t really intended to invoke love or hate to another… This is my space and I shall pen whatever I feel just like how many would just write whatever they feel in their space. At least, I put a lot of thought into what I write and not because I want drama in my life. Well, that, despite me being a drama queen at times (ahahhh...) ;)

Ahhh… with this finally thrown off my shoulders, I can now keep writing without putting serious limitations on my thoughts.

Now, to focus on other positive aspects… like the trip to Jakarta & Bandung in another few hours… Will update soon.

The little munchkin's completed his special lessons for his dyslexic condition today... well, I shouldn't be saying 'completed' since we could continue with the lessons but basically, the 1-year contract ended today.

I'd just like to say that the hassle dealing with the principal and only teacher for that establishment was terrible... and up til now, I can't really say if all that was worth it.

Actually, seeing the little munchkin improved so well in the middle of last year's school term was a pretty good feeling... he achieved good results and was promoted to a better class, instantly, making us all determined to let him finish the 1-year duration. But being in the mercy of the principal, who very well knows how much parents like us are in need of professional help due to the lack of educators in this line, the entire year was truly a duration filled with nothing but negative energy between both of us and her.

The most part is being so upset that we are treated like fools with lower than 100 points IQ, and the experience left us feeling short-changed, all the time...
... from her frequent mc's (taking medical leave) and not wanting to replace the classes (bear in mind, classes are only 3 times a week, each lasting one hour only) but when I queried her on this, apparently it is stated in the contract that she is allowed 14 days medical leave in a year!;
... her incessant change of mind - first she'd tell you there is only a vacant slot in so and so days for so and so timing, and after a few months, she'll tell you she doesn't have time to eat lunch (is that really my problem?) and that you should send your kids another day and another time to her convenience! After discussing back and forth, you are forced to agree to her timing because you have no other choice and she will then tell your husband that his wife has 'agreed' to the new timing;
... her calling you to pick up your kids before class ends because your asthmatic kid has 'flu' (when it is not flu, stupid!) because in her exact words - she has low antibody and gets sick easily as she is allergic to vitamin c and will not recover easily. And... those classes will not be replaced because it is YOUR fault that your kid has 'flu'...;
... her calling your husband and telling your husband that you are rude because you made a remark that 'she is so weak that she gets sick so easily' when none of us in the family (not even my younger 6 year-old niece) got sick with the little munchkin's sinus;
... that one time during the public school holiday and tlm was tagging along his atok to Terengganu for my cousin's wedding, the principal denied any replacement class but when she cited a meeting with the 'kementerians', she actually said there was a slot available for Friday, a day where she doesn't have ANY classes;
... and many more points, where it just gets too stressful to list them down.

To her, everything is covered under the contract, which if you were to read it before signing it, there's nothing harmless in it, until something really occur and you will realise that the words were carefully put and chosen, to her advantage. You know, there'll be those clause where it sounds very general in any contracts (best example is that agreement you'd click 'I Agree' before downloading any online programmes... there are just so many stuff put in it but one doesn't really apply them all when using the internet), except that in this one, the clauses will really be applied.

Granted, she must be the most accessible, highly qualified person to be helping out kids like the little munchkin but knowing that you have so much power, one's head can grow so huge... especially when parents pay around RM25k a year for the kids that truly need help, and for a parent who's unemployed for 8 months+ but could still continue paying for quality education, you can only imagine how hard I've worked.

I was introduced to her by a friend. Through my research on this topic, it was initially more convenient to send the little munchkin to her since I was still working then, and I had to ask my mom's help to send him to the school in TTDI, KL. We made sure to arrange the schedule properly so that my other 2 nieces are well taken cared for as well.

My friend who recommended her to me, mentioned that many parents pull out their kids from the school way before their supposed duration as the principal is apparently an outspoken person and parents sometimes do not like it when others try to teach them how to deal with their own kids. When you think about it, you'd really wonder why parents would do that if they really want the best for their kids, right?

Little did I know that after 2 months sending the little munchkin there, those parents probably pulled their kids out because this woman is a freaking liar. Yes, she'd teach what she's supposed to teach your special kids, but there will be so many little little incidents where she'd escape what you expect out of her. And on top of it all, I realised that she's the one who's supposed to pay us parents as our kids are actually used as her 'experiment' for her thesis. Furthermore, as there are no specific timeline for specific syllabus to be taught, you wouldn't know if your child has learnt all he's supposed to learn throughout the one year since your child has a short attention span and could only concentrate for a certain duration, usually only managing a few tasks or assignments.

I should be happy that the little munchkin has shown marked improvements but that is also due to personal coaching at home, using the tools that the one learnt from reading the little munchkin's homework.

I have been resenting the fact that we pay her so much but that she didn't really fulfill the end of the bargain, all covered very well in the contract. For me, I was only thinking of the best for the little munchkin because as a mom, I only want the best for him and I worry so much about him especially with his impending UPSR this year. Although many people told me that it is not compulsory for him to take the exams, I would still like to know how much he's learnt and how much he understands things. Plus, we need professional evaluation of him from time to time so that we could help him in his future education years, and hoping that the public school he goes to would understand what he is going through too.

We parents, with special kids like this, do not have that much choice in this country. Our education system is also pretty much of a dinosaur age... even a poem in a textbook was plagiarised from a plagiariser (you would understand the poem if you had been following last year's news on a model/actress turned writer/plagiariser). And, everything is being politicised nowadays, no thanks to greedy, arrogant clowns we have in politics. Who's really taking care of the needs of the increasing number of special kids if they still can't bloody make the Maths and Science in English to work properly? In the little munchkin's school alone, there are 3 others who's just like him but their parents are unable to do anything about their special needs.

I'm just glad that the entire ordeal is over, with the last straw in her getting to my nerves today - she bloody dared give me a post-dated cheque for the advanced 2-month fee included in the deposit, when the cheque was supposed to be due last Monday (she clearly is very well aware of this since she gave her word to the one). I could report this to the necessary law enforcers if I really want to make hell for her but I am just too tired to deal with such an obnoxious character. I've so much pent-up anger all for the sake of getting help for the little munchkin since the last 12 months and I would like to get off this negative energy. Shoo! Boo!

Now, all we would do is to continuously stimulate him with those tools that the one has figured out from the little munchkin's previous homework and we're hoping that he would keep improving. I cannot put such high expectations on him but I do want him to be successful in the things he likes to do. That's what the one and I are hoping... for him to be able to be independent and not burden others in the future.

For friends who've asked me about this school, I would say, try asking around and getting involved in our national dyslexic association. They have their flaws but they would also be able to help a little (if not much) and you don't go home feeling cheated from your hard-earned income. Of course, one must have time for all these. Otherwise, others will take advantage of your shortcomings.

I have nothing else to say about that woman but I do remember one of her pathetic tale, telling us that she was once threatened to be beaten by a group of men who waited in front of her school because they were either jealous of her success or because they couldn't stand that a single woman can understand so much about children. Now, if I were to have already been thru this ridiculous experience with her when this story was told to me, I would say that those guys may have been sent by some parent to get back that non-refundable RM10k deposit after feeling short-changed.

I'm glad that it's all over and as the one said to me earlier while we were chatting via google talk, "dah no more of this unnecessary stress and trauma".

I know, I know… this blog is due for an update.

The thing is, staying home with a pretty mundane schedule day in and out, there’s nothing interesting to write about. Although some friends were telling me to just write the way I normally would on what I go thru daily, I just wonder if you really want to read boring stuff??

I mean, my blogging scene started out with deep personal quandaries-turned- contentment, peace and happiness with perfectly ‘happening’ events in my life. Suddenly, everything turned lovey-dovey and now truly focused on pregnancy and issues on delivery and having a baby ;P

Whatever it is, I guess since it is my personal blog, I can pretty much write about anything I want. Tapi malas. Heh.

Where shall I start? Hmmm….

Well, I guess having little jj now is such perfect timing. I mean, compared to having a baby in my early 20’s, I am now more matured, more calm, more peaceful with myself and am truly dedicated to bringing her up without any qualms and worries. Furthermore, the fact that I don’t have to think about work, my attention is almost 100% on her (well, the rest of the percentage would be spread on the ‘bigger’ baby and the little muchkin hehe…). And since I have been thru 1 pregnancy, I am in a better position to choose what I feel is the best for me and little jj.

I am also less selfish in the ‘feeding’ department where I know that even if I do feel tired from the night-feeds, it is for the best and I should continue breastfeeding her as long as possible although the doctors said that the initial 6 months is good enough.

I manage my time better and have more patience at managing the little one.

I feel so peaceful.

But, with experience, comes such jurisdiction on how I handle my baby, what I use for her care and the likes of it.

I find that it is pretty challenging having this baby when you’re always not doing according to the norm. I, for one, have never followed the norm right from when I was in secondary school. I noticed that I have always been outstanding (and much hated, if not loved) for being different. Even at work, I was always known to be protective of my territory and my staff, and I will say what I think is right, of course with limits la.. I could go down as being popular for getting things done but I wasn’t popular in the fact that I could be brash or even to the point of being bitchy, only when I know I have to because sometimes, people won’t take you seriously until you tell them straight to the face, boldly. To me, there's no point in taking care of people's feelings as it is better to tell them straight in the face to avoid future misunderstandings.

And having little jj seem to be no different. Although we were going to deliver her at a designated private hospital, I still went and registered ourselves to an independent ante-natal class since I know that I want an independent view rather than be forced into the policy of the hospital (or the doctor) without us having a 2nd opinion or alternative options.

I didn’t want to be induced and how hard we both fought for us to have a normal AND natural delivery despite the so many views imposed on us by some contacts and even relatives!

Being independent for 7 years, living as a single mom before, I am proud to say that I have made all the right decisions in life all on my own. Without appearing too arrogant, I can humbly vouch that I have always weighed my options the best I can, not without doing research and all before coming to a conclusion. Hence, I feel that no one should impose on certain decisions on me without finding out why a certain decision was made beforehand.

I guess the bottom-line is, we are responsible enough to make our own decisions and if we need advise, we’ll ask for it. I am not being defensive. I am just fed up with assumptions and people telling me what’s right according to their views.

Everyone’s experience is different. Every baby is different. And I think I’ve proven so many people wrong when they bombarded me with emails and sms to have the delivery induced with the assumptions that I am inexperienced, small-built and yada yada. Alhamdulillah, I got the natural birth I so wanted and it gave me such a great sense of satisfaction that I was able to give the best experience to little jj and my the one, without imposing the same on others. It was my choice and I expect people to respect that.

No, I don’t use Johnson’s baby oil on my baby’s bottom. It’s not about the oil you use… it’s how often you change your baby. I mean, I know someone who uses baby oil at every diaper change but her baby still had diaper rash. Logic sense: even if you use baby oil but change the diaper after 6 hours (or even 10 hours!), do you think the baby oil works? Furthermore, if the baby has an ultra-sensitive skin, a mixture of faeces and petroleum might be harmful.

I think, before you judge me for not using Johnson's baby oil, why don’t you ask me first what product I use and it would help if you’d look at my baby’s bottom as well to see how the product works before recommending something. And for that fact, ask yourself – why is it that Johnson’s do not include their baby oil in the ‘hamper’ you get from your private hospital when you are discharged… it’s because it contains mineral oil (paraffinum liquidium), a substance equivalent to petroleum, which is not recommended by the medical experts. Now why would you use petroleum on baby’s skin? Don’t you think it is harmful? Google it for yourself, if you don't believe me. But do I impose on you to not use it? Please… be my guest… do what you have to do if it works. But don’t ask me to compromise on my belief on what’s best for my baby.

Ya, so I tak bedung my baby top to toe… we did swaddle her since her birth. But she struggles hard. I mean, REAL hard, with sounds coming out from her that shows how uncomfortable she is. It’s heart-breaking, ok. I swaddled my first til he was probably about 8 months since he liked it so much and I do know that this one may be as different as her mommy as she doesn’t like it one bit. So, we swaddle her from her chest down, letting her hands free. Is that a sin? Were you here to really see and hear her struggle before coming to such a conclusion that she is uncomfortable not being swaddled top to bottom?

Yes, we bathe her either around 6am-ish if not around 7am-ish. What’s wrong with that? We use warm water… we let her wake from her usual schedule… we got to do what we got to do since the one has to go to work and we have our schedules arranged nicely. I still can’t lift heavy stuff and it is only safer for the one to bathe little jj early in the morning. Do you know how peaceful she is after her bath? Plus, do you know how proud the new daddy feels that he is able to bathe his own child before he goes to work?

No, I don’t give her both breasts at each feed because I have learnt both from the ante-natal class and the hospital that it is ok to just feed her on one breast and alternate it at every feed. No, I don’t think my tetek senget sebelah because of that and no, she doesn’t have any preference on just one breast. She is happy with the current arrangement and I don’t see why I must conform to what others think is right when I’ve already gotten the advise from the experts - that it is alright and she's getting all the nutrition she needs. I don’t believe in breaking the suction and creating unnecessary distress on her emotions. Unless you have proof to say it is risky to the baby I don’t give a damn if tetek senget sebelah (errr... not really, hehe) because as mother nature puts it, all our body parts are not equally sized – not even the scrotum of a man. So, nothing wrong, then, right?

Yes, I am probably a little emotional now. My hormones are still imbalanced and I guess that is a perfect excuse to have all these written ;P

Don’t tell me I shouldn’t shave her head bald because there’s no such thing as rambut kotor in the womb. You don’t shave your baby’s head but let me shave mine. Nothing wrong with that as the hair will grow. What’s the big deal? I shaved my first, I shaved my 2 nieces… heck, I was even shaved when I was a baby!

The one tells me that people only have the best interest at heart. Well, to me, there are ways to put things thru. You can advise but not assume and impose. I mean, I have friends who advised me on baby products and what to do to ease breastfeeding and I don’t feel offended at all. It is how you put it, without making yourself sound highly superior and that you know what is right for my baby.

Hmmm… I may be behaving like a mother cat (have you ever seen a mother cat after giving birth?... she’ll scratch you if you touch her kittens even if she's so familiar with you as her owner). I am being protective of my territory and I am being protective of my baby. Just because what you did was right for yours, doesn’t mean it works the same for mine. Just because what you did was right for yours, doesn’t mean that there are no other ways that would give the same outcome. But, the bottom line would be – never assume. Just because things seem this way at one glance, it doesn’t necessarily give the same conclusion. As long as things are okay, why do you even bother to bud in and change things?

But like I said, there are ways to put things into perspective. Be reasonable and I shall consider. But impose on me, I shall do exactly the opposite.

I guess this post is timely since I’ve been keeping it bottled-up. I have my own success stories with my first born. Do you know he loves vegetables? It was a weird scene among my friends when they see him eat veges since he was very little. But do I impose my ways on others? No. I definitely do not. In fact, I’d share the tips if you want but I never said you must follow it and that it is the only right way. It may have worked on him but not necessarily suitable for other babies.

Why do we need to accept the norm if every baby grows up differently? Everyone of us have our own style and beliefs and there’s no right or wrong about it. Let people learn from their experience and let them grow from it. How would people learn if they’re not allowed to experience it themselves?

And if you think since you have many kids, your ways are right, just remember that I have 2 kids myself. One of them I even raised on my own while I was doing my degree in uni. Mind you, he even had a bad case of eczema and the monthly bout of flu from the nursery. Alhamdulillah, he turned out fine. Don’t you think that experience count?

In this sense, despite whatever differences I have with my mom, I am so glad that she never imposed anything on me since the pregnancy. She knows I have been thru one and that I should know what’s best for me and the baby. The only advise she gave was to hold the baby tight at sunset around Maghrib prayers due to the old wives’ tale of bad spirits lurking at every corner. But, I’ve seen how babies could wail out loud at no rhyme nor reasons and hence, the advise is acceptable. Still, I never imposed this on others.

Even when I was leaking, she assured me I could still wait despite the many ‘forces’ telling me to get induced, have my waterbag broken by the doctors, etc.

Relax la.. it’s my baby. You do what’s best for yours, and I’ll do what’s best for mine.

Can?

One morning after waking up from sleep, I was telling the one how this one song has been playing on and on in my head... it was Jordin Sparks 'No Air' duet with Chris Brown. He asked me how the song went and I don't quite remember the lyrics except for the catchy 'No air, no air' tune and told him what the song was all about. He asked me, "What? That's how the song goes??"... he apparently thought the 'No air no air' part wasn't catchy at all or that the part where the girl couldn't live/breathe without the partner was crappy lyrics.

From then on, when we're in the car, instead of tuning in to my favourite radio station which usually plays songs of the 80's and 90's to Hitz.fm or Fly.fm just so we could catch the song on air. Unfortunately, my efforts were in vain since the drive from home to the lrt is only about 10 minutes. Still, he couldn't understand what the fuss is all about...

When we went for our treasure hunt, his best friend, Muz sang that catchy tune and I quickly pointed out that see... even Muz knows the line! He asked the same question - is that how the song goes??

I guess when his brother came over last weekend and sang the same line in the car, he probably thought it was time for him to find out how the song went. So, over the weekend, he actually googled it and managed to view the video clip on his E90. Omg... the song sounds just so good.

Since then, he played it before he goes to work, while taking a shower after coming home from work, and whenever. Hehe... yes, I created a monster.

And now he's created the tune as the ringing tone whenever I'd call him. I told you it's catchy!

Anyways, I've been busy for awhile. And with the impending arrival of little jj and a possibility of working from home, we've both restructured our financials and without regrets, I've traded-in Molly for a much cheaper MPV which I've named her, Kimora. Hehe. What a name. As I am not that of a sentimental type of person, letting go was easy and in comes a 'soccer-mom' ride which is very spacious and one that I can live with for a long time. I'm just not sure how long I'd be able to keep this plan but I have announced to my contacts that I am back to freelance copywriting and translation, with another different project still on tow. I believe that our monthly finances is workable with less stress on my part and I am very excited at the possibility of looking after little jj. The plan is still not final but we shall see. Whatever it is, the priority is my family and with the much frustration I have with the government, the high tax that I've been paying with not much benefit seen from it, I believe I'd like to make a difference with myself and the family instead of working my ass off making others look good while they treat you however they wish.

There's just so much I want to say with our current quality of life especially after such a sudden announcement on the hike in fuel prices which they initially said would take effect August this year. But like many would say, if you're not happy with the current administration, go migrate somewhere else. True.

I'm just so disappointed that me and so many of us have been paying so much on taxes that goes to not only their fat pay-checks but also allowances and yet we are all forking so much for their benefit only to see their focus stray on projects that do not benefit the rakyat directly. Why don't they forgo their allowance and pay for fuel from their own pay because serving the rakyat is one of their responsibilities. Of course, their defensive stance will always be - this is the lowest cost compared to other countries in Asia. Seriously, I am disappointed. Why don't they re-look at all the 'corridors' project and instead of having them all at one go, to have them one-by-one. I mean, those projects didn't even win majority votes for them in the last election. Is that what the rakyat need right now?

I can go on and on about this but it may get me into trouble. Suffice to say, I am trying to make a change in my life for the benefit of my own family and I truly hope that it'll go my way, if not immediate, soon.

I am just so glad that I have such a supportive partner who's behind me all the way and trusts my judgement... he's also not afraid to warn me of what to expect and what I'd be heading. Well, being independent for so long and making life-altering decisions are those that I've been used to... I probably have to sacrifice a few things but life is all about sacrifices anyway... you get some, you lose some. As long as I don't have to be a hypocrite, I am happy. But yeah... I am also happy because I have him. There's no one else I could think of who'd come close to the one... he's everything I wanted... he's everything I need.

Oh, on another note, a close gal-pal of mine whom I have not seen in awhile came over to see me this evening. We were updating each other of what's happening in our lives when she then told me of this 'friend' I used to know who's in a middle of a divorce or had been divorced. I was stunned cos I thought both him and his wife deserved each other, both being hypocrites and blood-sucking beings. I know it's bad to have satisfaction over something tragic happening to someone but I can't help it. I remembered how I thought both of them were priceless friends and how I had pooled together so many friends so that we could buy them a very expensive wedding gift until they stabbed me so deep in the back and clearly showed me what they were worthy of. I thought I was so good at reading people and that these kind of beings only pass my way in their early 20's but I was so wrong... I guess immature and shallow-natured creatures exist no matter how old they are.

With this outcome, I can't say I am totally glad because that sounds bad. But I am no hypocrite and so I don't care how that sounds. What he did to me may not be so bad as to what he's going thru now but I know that I wasn't the only friend he betrayed. This proves how much what goes around comes around.


*****
updated 20 minutes later: yes, my husband is a crazy monster hehe... he just called me thru google talk when he could just come over from the living room to our 'office' where I am working...

no air no air....

The weekend was pretty fulfilling and a truly happy one... with the exception of this stupid incident in a wedding and uhh... uhh... the one totally putting his focus on his pink PSP since the last 5 hours. Heh. Takla non-stop... dia on and off, on and off (Ermm... this last sentence the one asked to write. Hmph.)

We were early at the one's good friend's wedding Saturday morning as he had promised the beautiful bride that he'd help out with the emceeing. I was a little irritated, at first, cos I wouldn't want to just sit around during an akad nikah which is supposed to be a 'closed' event, just waiting for my hubby to do his work while moi's presence not being relevant nor invited. Plus, I am not in the position to be comfortable just sitting on the floor in a crowded house for hours due to the pain that I've been feeling down there since the last few months. Therefore, I opted to just forgo the event and let him do his thing.

But the one being the one, he'd always look forward to my support and moi being moi, I'd usually would feel obliged to be by his side. After all, tempat isteri adalah di sisi suami, kan...

Anyways, when we arrived, he was pulled aside by the bride's aunt as she wanted to run thru the event flow with him. As soon as that happened, I roamed across the main hall at the house and found what could probably be a good spot in a far corner, far away from the daise or busy area, for me to start sitting down and let whatever and whomever do their thing. I took out the one's PSP from my handbag and handed it to the little munchkin so that he won't be fidgety and restless for the next 4 hours. The spot was right at a far corner, fully carpeted and quite airy and empty.

The one came once in awhile to check on me and asked if I was okay. Well, it wasn't my relative's house or I would want to request for a cushion for me to sit on. But since the carpet was thick, it was bearable as long as I don't move that much.

I was rudely 'awakened' though, when nearing to the start of the event, 2 makciks came to me and asked me to move. Firstly, they said that the area was meant for the men. And so, they asked me to join the ladies, far towards the kitchen, nearer to the busy area. What annoyed me was when they saw pregnant me and said, "Oh... pregnant..." and they simply pointed out this one area where I can sit. THERE WAS NONE! It was right next to the cushion where the bride was supposed to be seated or somewhere in the middle where I know people will be walking in and out from the kitchen. I needed somewhere where I could at least lean on!

I saw one area just near the wall far behind the whole ladies' crowd and told the little munchkin to follow me. I was further shocked when they told me that the little munchkin could stay where he was. Hello! I am in a stranger's house and I'm supposed to leave him where I couldn't see him? Very ignorant indeed.

When the family of the groom arrived, I got angrier when I saw that women from the group sat right at the area where I first sat. What's the problem, then??? Why weren't they shooed to the ladies' area, then?

Okay. From someone who is very familiar with events and one who planned many weddings including her own, this is my take:
1. Do NOT dictate the ladies' and men's area. It will come automatically especially in our culture. When one comes and see where most ladies sit, they'd automatically go there. If not, nothing wrong with that unless the akad nikah is done in a mosque or a kampung.
2. Same rule goes unless it is a highly protocol event (which a house as a venue does not indicate formality). Therefore, free seating.
3. Like what I did at my mom's house, allocate some sofas to be positioned at the corners for the elderly and people like me to sit on. Be considerate.
4. Even if it was an area meant for the men, moi being the only lady there should not be an issue unless I am embarassed and felt the need to move. Otherwise, I was at the far end and am not, in any way, obstructing the event.

I would not mind it one bit if I weren't asked to move but thinking that the one is helping out in this ceremony out of his own accord, not even asking for anything in return, I thought they should be more considerate of his needs (that includes me, who accompanied him).

When everything was over, the one saw the hot, flushed, sweaty, painful me. I was seated on hard marbled tile and when I got up, I was so furious. I quickly grumbled to him what happened and then saw one of the makciks came to us asking us to go makan. She saw my face and could see that she was feeling a little guilty, perhaps, and dared say, "Oh... she sat too far inside...". I wanted to swear at her, out loud, in front of everyone and told the one that that is one of those evil ladies. However, I was stunned when the one told me oh... that's the bride's mom.

Heh.

I don't care. I think a few of the relatives nearby even heard me pointing her out to the one.

We ate and left. And was further furious when I found out that this wasn't their first wedding. So ignorant and rude. Itu pun, where I sat at the uncomfy area, the ladies around were complaining of the disorganised relative who were in charge of the hantaran. I mean, we were all hot and uncomfortable back there and were asked to stand up to make way for their hantaran girls to pick-up the stuff from the nearby table and pose. Come on la... there was no where else we could move with what little space we had. I pretended I didn't hear anything and when the little munchkin was asked to move, I was vocal and told him loudly not to move. Stay.

Anyway, thankfully, things went much better from then on and I loved the weekend. I was tired but what was important was that the one was with me and he could calm me.

We went to his mom's as the wedding was just nearby, rested a bit and had the delicious keropok lekor and banana fritters Keramat. Yum yum yum... it's almost a ritual for us every Saturday. We can just have those and not have anything else for dinner. Very filling and yummy.

As soon as we arrived home later, freshened up and just lepak on the sofa, supposedly trying to enjoy bad entertainment - the AF. Hehe. Well, I snoozed soon after and around 1am, the one woke me up for me to go to bed. But when I slept in the room, I didn't feel sleepy and kacau'ed the one who was doing some work in the living room. When we were about to retire for the night, we started chatting and the one hinted that he was thirsty.

I followed him to the kitchen and asked him if there's anything I could eat. Was surprised when at 2am, he suggested we go have supper in McD's downstairs. Hehe... we tip-toed our way to the exit so that the little munchkin will not hear us leave and we had such a great time! I'm surprised that we could actually talk about things that were never revealed before when we were dating and the one started making fun of me from the facts that he found out. It was nothing, really... just about the result of our high-school exam, the SPM. Hmph. I know la he is brilliant... being sent abroad even before he got his results and even went thru an express A-levels... but hey... just because I got double digits, I still scored 1st grade and look at me now... I'm more brilliant than he is!! Hehe...

Working and performing well at work for more than 9 years does not really account for SPM results. Furthermore, in my defense, I kept highlighting that I took pure science and enrolled in science matriculation! Plus, our bachelor degree scored the same even when I had a family to manage and a baby to take care of while I was studying! Hmph. But the funny part was the look on his face when he found out my results... it was worse than the look of a man who found out his future wife was cheating on him. Heheh...

Ahhh... whatever la. Tak berapa pandai (like he is) pun, he fell for moi. So, who's not so brilliant in this picture?? So bad...

He fell asleep soon after McD's. Probably due to the tiredness he felt from laughing at me. Hmph.

We started an early day today. He was already up and vacuuming when I was still in bed. Had our quick breakfast, sent the little munchkin to his taekwondo's and headed towards the city for a good bargain at Sogo's. Got what we wanted for the baby and bought more pillows for moi. Very comfy and cheap.

We discovered more good stuff at Sogo's and decided to next time check the place out before we go out and shop elsewhere more popular.

Tonight, I broke the rule and cooked. Hehe. Simple je. Pasta and creamy mushroon sauce. I added stuff I don't normally include while cooking but this time I just couldn't resist... cheese! Put lots of it and the pasta turned out so heavenly! Ooohh... compared to the first 4 months of the pregnancy, I realised that I started to pick up on eating when I'm in my 5th month. So, if previously I'd only have a weight increase of .2 or .3, I saw a 3kg increase in my last check up. Last weekend at my MIL's, I recorded an increase of 1kg and hope that I won't get too heavy too soon.

Ohhh... I still have the apple pie to makan. So, okay... have a good week ahead!