i shall not stop writing.

my inspiration for this entry ;)

It's 11.15pm when I started typing this and am just dreading the moment, if, in case little jj does a number on me the way she did late last night.

Ok, I must say that she has expanded her vocabulary awfully quick. Although most of the time she would talk gibberish, there would be times when we are all surprised by the words that came out of her without us pushing her to repeat after us.

Like the other day, she held her precious giraffe toy and said, "biraffe"...

Then she pointed out a photo of shoes and boots in her counting & colours book and said, "syuuu"...

And she loves to pick up coins from our room or her brother's room and would hand them over to me. Usually, I would say thank you to her but the other day, she said, "kangkoo" before handing over the coins ;)

Yesterday, she saw the birth of a baby giraffe on Animal Planet and said, "goat!" haha...

And we recently saw her acting on her curiosity at mommy's beloved kitchen. Being a toddler, she's a naturally curious munchkin. But, I had always been able to manage that curiosity because she would hear me say, "No", and be very obedient not to touch stuff in the kitchen. Even when I leave a cupboard open, she would just look at the cookwares and plates and stuff and not touch them... until very recently, though. It helped that our kitchen cabinets do not have knobs on them. As it is pretty difficult to open them, she had only learnt the tricks to that and only recently started to rummage through everything. Yup, that she recently did.

Being her mom and knowing her baby's character to the T, I wondered when she'd start getting sick. You know how it is with some beliefs that when a baby starts to acquire certain skills, she'd be down with fever? I remembered when she started to count 1-10 out loud months ago and said few things like 'abang' and 'atuk' and 'nenek' and 'cupcakes' and 'chicken' and stuff, she fell ill right after :D but that was expected because I did read somewhere on the net that a baby's brain can only absorb an X amount of info and too much info all at once can be pretty overwhelming for them.

So, with this belief and an anticipation to be prepared for another bout of fever especially since she's been sneezing a lot too, I got disturbed when she kept crying at many intervals last night although she has turned in by 10pm. It was after midnight when she cried non-stop and though I would like to just ignore it since daddy can manage, I was worried that she actually had developed a temperature.

I was glad, though, that I checked in on her because the top part of her pyjamas was wet from her tears and I definitely didn't want her to catch cold since she sleeps in an air-conditioned room. Changed her into another pair of pyjamas and held her tight while I lay on my back on the sofa in the living room.

Now, this is another new habit she has... she loves to just lie on her tummy while she's either on her daddy, her abang or moi... only the three of us. It's as if she misses hearing the sound of the heartbeat that when she's cranky, she'd instantly become calm when she lies on us that way.

She held me tight as if not wanting me to leave her (since I don't sleep with her anymore) and I actually thought she would fall asleep soon after. To my surprise, she lifted her head and said, "kih kih kih muahh muaahh" while she kissed my face repeatedly hehe...

So, from around 1 am til probably 4.30am, I was with her (while I fell asleep on and off) watching episodes of Chuggington, and Handy Manny... and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, where by this time, she was already on her feet and jumping to the tunes... and Special Agent OSO, and so on. At one point, I actually thought she went into our room because I could hear her say, "beat beat beat", where she would tap on us if she wants to wake someone up hehe... but I later realised that she actually went to her abang's room to get him to play with her. Abang, of course, was snoring heavily as we all had a looooong day yesterday, walking around in Ikea and then picking up daddy before we headed over to Giant's to get diapers.

Oh ya, the one woke up for awhile to accompany us at the living room during all these. In fact, at first I thought he woke up to switch to the sports channel but I guess he was tired as well and went back into the room soon after.

Around 4.30am when I could see little jj being fidgety, I reckon that I should push her to sleep and the only way to do it (when mommy has to put her to sleep in the room) was to offer her my boobies. Yup, although she has weaned off me completely, she still haven't got the hang of no boobies to sleep when she's laid to sleep in the room.... only with mommy, and only when she's in the room. So, by the time she had totally fell asleep was about an hour later.

Damn it was a truly tiring night for me and I was glad that today was a pretty calm day... The best part of it was that little jj fell asleep very easily for her afternoon nap and that lasted a good 3 hours of peace and serenity ;)

As a mom, I am of course extremely happy to see how cute she's become and how much she has developed so far... we are all adjusting to her new habits and even bought a gate for our kitchen. Yup, my fault that I had asked the contractor to remove the door to our kitchen because I felt that it wasn't necessary but then again, I wouldn't feel safe to not know what's happening inside the house if I were to cook with the door closed. So, we're only starting to install the gate.

Her latest habits make her feel so precious to me and I love that bond of holding her tight and keeping her secure. It can be daunting at times when she needs me to be near her almost all the time and it can be pretty tiring when she starts to get very demanding but most of the time, and hearing her talk, I feel so damn proud of her.

I count my blessings and am truly grateful for everything in my life.

Ok... it is already after midnight and I have a feeling she wouldn't be pulling that same stint tonight *cross my fingers*

Owh, it's a Friday already! Shall I plan for a day out to KLCC tomorrow (I mean, today)?? *wink*

little jj did this with my phone for the first time ever...

There are 2 questions that I shall answer today at one go as they're similar in nature.

Question from Mel: Care to share ur action plan (on weaning baby off bm)? Start from 'A' please... Am up to my eyeballs with it oredi and trying to wean b4 Shifa turns 3 in another 3 mths.

Question from Natni: I'm slowly weaning him off... so far mcm ok, but he refuses formula... and bottle... nak minum pakai straw or the tumbler with straw tu. Dunno why he doesn't like bottle and formula. Now i'm giving him the flavoured dutch lady (the grape one)... and we call it "cow" since ada gambar cow on the bottle... hahaha! What formula are you giving her? Maybe I can try and see if Danial suka ke tak. At the moment, Danial kinda like the grape flavoured drink (but tak suka the rest like the strawberry/orange/tutti frutti) only at the moment.

First of all, I would like to say, kudos to moms who breastfeed. It can be difficult enough for moms at home let alone those who have to work in an office and find time to express milk.

I think many of us moms have always been informed on the benefits of breastfeeding. There are so many sites that promote breastfeeding but there are only a handful who would give you a proper guidance on weaning off babies from breastfeeding.

I dislike general statements like, "Oh, they'll wean off when you start having your menses" or "They'll wean off eventually" and stuff like that. I've tried many tricks from the numerous advise I got but none worked on little jj. And looking at the many emails I received over the last 12 months from breastfeeding moms (the majority of them who are working), they cite that weaning off is harder than they thought. I am grateful, though, that little jj is weaning off on her own but not without any efforts put in by the one and I.

I really believe that breastfeeding moms need a very supportive husband. This is so important because the baby would cling on only mommy and not daddy. Your husband must not give up on the baby and you as a mom, must also play your part in allowing trust (and space!) for your husband to deal with the baby. I find that many of us women would prefer the easy way out and deal with the baby alone without considering what our other half feels and what they can contribute in this relationship if only they are given a chance. Well, I can only say this on dads who prefer to participate actively in bringing up their kids, though...

So, what we did was to persuade little jj to drink formula almost every night after she turned one. The one would prepare it in all sorts of containers and mugs, using bottle and straw - we've tried it all. It is well known that breastfed babies prefer the straw rather than drink from the bottle (just as Natni cited her Danial's preference) and I think Natni should continue feeding him his favourite flavoured milk since Danial is ok with that. Hopefully, he'll graduate to those milk more suitable for his age group sooner or later, slowly but surely.

After little jj turned 1, the one consistently gave her the formula and let her drink it. Of course, she would reject every single bottle/mugs/etc. every night but we persevered. Yes, we would waste plenty of milk because she would probably only take one or two gulps and she'd push away the bottle/containers. But, through that pattern, we identified the types of formula that she'd drink more and the types that she'd totally reject.

Through this step, we discovered that she wouldn't immediately reject Pediasure Chocolate flavour. So, we bought the smallest size and as every other night, the one would make one small bottle using just one scoop and we'd let her hold the bottle.

One fine day probably almost 2 months ago, upon waking up from sleep, she played with the bottle from the night before (I fell asleep and forgot to wash the bottle) and somehow the motherly instincts in me told me that I should do up a fresh bottle for her. I made 2 scoops of milk, and let her hold it. She played with the bottle, swayed it around and before we knew it, she took out the cap and drank it all in while standing up, watching Playhouse Disney! Oh my, I was damn proud of her...

Now, little jj only drank 2 bottles a day, day and night with 2 scoops of Pediasure while the rest of the time, she was breastfed. After 2 weeks, she drank 3 scoops, 3 times a day and still breastfed before bedtime. After a month, we could already feed her formula when we're out shopping or even after her classes at Kizsports. So, no more breastfeeding in public. By now, she no longer clings on to me or hung on to me when she's bored or tired. I think this is such a healthy development as her self-confidence increased and she would explore everything else at her gym class without constantly looking over her shoulders and storms at me for comfort.

By one month of this development, I took another step by trying out an advise I got from an acquaintance who's daughter is little jj's classmate at Kizsports. Now this may sound too radical but I did it for little jj's benefit.

Apparently, this is a sure win as the mom is separated from her baby at every bedtime. Only bedtime. Now this is when your very supportive husband plays his role to the max as the baby would at first cry for mommy. The thing is with babies, they're smart fellas. They know when you'll melt and how they can win everyone's attention with their cuteness and blaring volume. But one just have to persevere. After all, she's well fed at dinner and she's drank a bottle of milk after dinner... after a month of only breastfeeding once a day I could see that she only needed comfort sucking in order to sleep, and not really a drink.

Therefore, the one would get ready a large bottle of plain water for her to drink when she needs that comfort sucking and I will not sleep with her in the same room so that she will not smell the scent of milk on me. Daddy would just let her cry, soothe her and give her the confidence that daddy is there with her even if mommy is not and she would eventually fall asleep. This needs to be done repeatedly.

So far, it has been working well for us all and the one is tremendously happy too because little jj now clings on him even more. For me, I am very happy because she sleeps through the night! :D

I am not sure if this will work on Mel's Shifa who's reaching 3 years soon because she is considered a big girl already and probably could tell the difference between formula and mommy's milk but I know this may benefit Danial. Still, it wouldn't hurt to try. Even if your husband cannot help you in this department, you could always rely on a trusted family member to sleep with Shifa just to separate her from you at bedtime.

As for Natni, little jj's paed also told us to try that - giving milk from milk cartons but we weren't successful. As long as Danial's ok with that, I think you could give him that comfort in knowing that he's doing alright. After awhile, you probably would want to try taking out the contents out of the milk carton into his favourite tumbler or even the milk bottle if you like. I guess once he's able to understand his environment, he may be more accepting to your ideas instead of you having to adhere to his. But I guess that's the beauty about having a baby... it's for us parents to realise how difficult it is for our parents to take care of us when we were younger, for us to be more humble in discovering that there are so many other things in life that brings us joy (other than material stuff) and the ability to be patient and deal with our situation accordingly.

I hope you find this very helpful especially to those of you who have exhausted everything else in the process of weaning their babies off breastmilk.

Come share your views.

Last Thursday, I managed to meet up with a friend whom I have not seen in years. Well, actually we did bump into each other many times in KLCC or the KL Convention Centre after I got married but those were brief hi's and ho's and not any proper meet. Therefore, we'd say that our proper meet was on my wedding day almost 3 years ago :)

I went over to see her at Pantai Hospital, Bangsar and I could see how vivacious she was despite having gone through a 28-hour labour and hoards of people visiting her non-stop. So, I would like to again congratulate Zeeda for the birth of her beautiful Zarya Jane Harris on 21 April 2010. She and her hubby had been waiting so long for her arrival and Alhamdulillah... the Almighty answered their prayers.

the proud umi and her baby... i didn't get to see Zarya that day as she was kept under observation due to jaundice.

I remembered how not too long ago, Zeeda was a little frustrated with her inability to conceive that she couldn't even read my blog anymore. I guess my happiness and excitement being pregnant with little jj just 6 months after my marriage made it difficult for her to accept.

Frankly, I would never really understand the feelings of people who has difficulties getting pregnant simply because I never experienced it myself. When it comes to a topic like this, it becomes very sensitive to a lot of women and the pressures of our society doesn't make it any easier for them.

When a friend shares with me on her frustrations on this issue, I would feel a little awkward because though I can be a good listener, I would feel extremely helpless. I do not know what to say to a friend to make her feel better because what I say might either be construed as totally insensitive (because I do not totally understand their situation) or my response sounds too cliched.

So, in view of this, one blogger has come up with the Trying to Conceive Club (TTC Club Malaysia) that acts as a forum or a one-stop platform for you to obtain information on fertility options or simply to express your frustrations to those who share the same predicament.

According to Little Mama, the founder of this Club, she is not a medical specialist to give advise on medical conditions but she has gone through most of the fertility methods available to her and she could probably offer some words of consolation where she acts as Counselor. I've read some of the threads in the forum and the information available are pretty decent and informative, down to the breakdown of costs in a private hospital and the steps of going through a fertility treatment.

I guess with this establishment, it can provide a more suitable channel for those in need of advise but do not really know where they should start. I believe the most important factor is the ability to share your feelings with those who truly understand and will not judge you while you also do not put a spot on friends who are just so scared to say anything for fear of saying the wrong things.

I say, kudos, to Little Mama for this effort. It may look small to some but I do believe it will be pretty helpful to those in need of opinions and guidance.

When I started to discover how little jj would focus on animation on TV like Wonderpets and especially those aired on Kelab Disney Malaysia on TV3, both the one and I considered including cartoon channels in our cable TV subscription.

Little jj was only around 16 months old then and she was very selective in the programmes that she would really watch. I only allowed Playhouse Disney for her and since then, she has started to discover many things she liked from the many quality and educational shows aired on the channel. She likes Handy Manny for the catchy tunes the tools and him would sing while performing their repair works and she'd laugh at Mr Lopart's antics and his pet cat, Fluffy; Special Agent Oso for the Paw Pilot’s tips and countdown; Safety Patrol for their annoying habit of scrutinising everything; Word World for their unique word-forms and usage of the alphabets; Chuggington for their upbeat tunes; the funny Ooh and Aah before any show starts; and others. Most importantly, her favourite would be Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for simply put, the star of the show – Mickey Mouse.

In conjunction with the public holiday this Saturday, 1 May 2010, Playhouse Disney on Astro’s Channel 613 will be airing their programmes with health-themed episodes from 9.30am to 1.30pm. Four special short-form prorammes like Mickey Mousekersize, Dance-a-lot Robot, Tasty Time with Zefronk and Adventures in Nutrition with Captain Carlos will also be shown throughout the day to add zest to this health campaign.

I guess this must have something to do with Michelle Obama’s initiative at fighting the increasing rate of child obesity and creating awareness about health as early as preschool years.

I know my little one totally enjoys the exercise sessions on Mickey Mousekersize. They make it look so much fun. And since dancing is a natural skill that a baby would develop, those catchy tunes that accompany all the activities always managed to capture her attention. She would move her body left to right and even twirls to the rhythm.

Tasty Time with ZeFronk is an animated short series where the host, ZeFronk, presents a healthy cook show from his house. Since she loves accompanying me to the kitchen, she is always fascinated with the show.

I look forward to discover the new show, Dance-A-Lot Robot, a combination of animation and live action programme where a robot teaches preschoolers simple original dance steps to the music of Devo’s Mark Mothersbaugh.

For those of you with a child who’s a little bit older, Adventures in Nutrition with Captain Carlos spotlights a six-year old boy who shows how healthy meals and regular physical activity make him feel like a superhero.

I guess since her usual Saturday’s class at Kizsports is cancelled due to the public holiday, it would be great to sit infront of the TV and do those activities with her at least for an hour or two in the morning. What better way to start inculcating healthy habits (if you haven’t yet!) when everyone is around this Labour Day ☺

Enjoy watching them with your little ones!

It’s no joke. Some would complain after they complete their confinement period for the lack of privacy and inability to go on romantic dates alone with their husbands. For me and the one, it is probably 2 years since our last alone time together.

I guess it all lies in the fact that I was misinformed about some of the facts on the benefits of breastfeeding. And since I have been working from home, I have been always available and present at little jj's beck and call. That contributed to her totally rejecting milk in bottles and it caused her to be totally dependent and overly clingy on me.

It all got to quite a critical stage where I couldn’t have my proper rest and the one couldn’t even touch her, let alone contribute to any fatherly efforts like tucking her to bed. It would have been a very stressful situation if not for a very supportive husband and I guess he also appreciated the fact that he didn’t have to wake up for the night feeds at all (eheh!).

We had our ‘trial’ date during the one’s annual dinner when little jj was around 8 months old. I did an ‘induction course’ for her to get more familiar with atuk and nenek and in turn, like them. But you know, the fact that she didn’t even want anyone else to hold her then except for when daddy bathed her, I kind of expected that my dinner with him would be a short one.

We had the whole troop in our apartment (I was supposed to send her to atuk’s house but she cried non-stop there!) – atuk, nenek, abang, even her favourite cousins, Qilah and Nina, to play with her, entertain her and keep her occupied, while I quietly left the apartment and headed towards KL. The one was already waiting for me at the hotel and we had such a wonderful time chatting over cocktail. It felt like we were dating those years before being married. We talked the way we haven’t been able to since the arrival of little jj and we laughed the way we haven’t laughed, since little jj came into the world (I mean, laughing freely without having to control our volume...) ;)

As you can read here, I got a call around 9.30pm or so, just after we had dinner and I could clearly hear little jj’s loud cry in the background. Yes, she would do that even to daddy, then. My mom was terribly worried because it has been an hour since she didn’t stop crying and especially because little jj broke in heavy sweats that she wanted to take little jj to the clinic (hiks)! I told her that there’s nothing to worry about because yes, she sweats when she cries her lungs out and I got ready to leave the hotel. The one continued to stay on and told me to drive safely.

When I arrived half an hour later speeding my way through KL traffic, she was still crying out loud. I expected her to fall asleep while crying but apparently, she had waited for me to come home. Imagine to our amusement, she stopped immediately when she saw me home and she was laughing and playing about, all looking okay like nothing was wrong hehe…

So, yeah, that trial date totally didn’t work out the way we had hoped. And from then on, we never tried until end of last month when the one’s annual dinner made its way again. This time, little jj was around 20 months old and she has made plenty of positive progress because firstly, she has learnt to socialise from those weekly classes at Kizsports and secondly, she had just started to openly accept milk in the bottle. And that second point helped immensely when I was at my busiest that month, and having to attend meetings at night as frequent as three times a week. In those busy-ness, I was impressed at her confidence that she didn’t even seem to miss my absence when I once arrived home after 11pm.

I guess all that, plus the almost daily trips to nenek and atuk’s house after picking abang up from school, made her feel right at home there. Although she still needs time to warm up before atuk and nenek could even hug or kiss her, she no longer cried there and that gave me a chance to leave her with nenek when those rare need arise for me to attend serious meetings during the day.

But but but… the test would be the 2nd annual dinner that I would be attending with the one and we were both worried. She has never been without her mommy and daddy at night and I cringed to think what other tricks she has up her sleeves. I treat everything as sensitive so that the night could be a perfect one for us… and we were so happy to note that she totally passed the acid test! We arrived to pick her up around 11pm and she didn’t even cry. The entire house was dark because nenek wanted her to sleep but she went to doing her own stuff there and hugged me tight in joy when she saw me. Of course with mommy at her side, she didn’t feel that she needed to be friendly with atuk and nenek anymore ;P

Now, my mom had always made it clear to us (her children) that she never had any desires to take care of her grandchildren (especially babies) and that we were all responsible for our own children. But I guess, since she saw how much effort I put in raising little jj all on my own, and the fact that this little one is hard to please, it was probably a great sense of achievement for her when little jj accepts her and allows nenek to feed her/play with her. Of course, as always, I wouldn’t want to take advantage of my mom's willingness to babysit and that 2nd dinner we attended was cut short in order for us to next time ask for this kind of favour from her when we feel the need to have ‘alone’ time together.

As little jj has always been pretty unpredictable, I am again, keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow… as we both will embark on our FIRST date after around 2 YEARS! Unfortunately, since it is a school day for our little munchkin, we may not be able to stretch tomorrow’s date for too many activities… so, we’re only making time for a romantic night at the movies where I am sure, dinner is included in the pitch darkness of the cinema. But that is romantic too, right? Hehe…

We used to catch a movie every other week those days but I am glad that we’re both not too demanding with the expectations that everything should be the same as it was before. Raising a family needs some sacrifices and what do you know… the time has finally came for us to finally go out again together.

Life always works its way to your advantage but you just wouldn’t know when that will happen. So, despite everything, I am glad that we're both extremely patient with little jj's quirks for us to appreciate what we could do again, tomorrow. So here’s hoping for more positive developments from now on, eh ☺

Do wish us luck, and for little jj to behave well with atuk & nenek, ya.

Little jj is recovering from the slight fever she caught since Saturday. She was on and off with high temperature and I will always get a little concerned when it comes to her lack of appetite.

So today, at lunch, I get to see the strong resemblance of her daddy when her appetite sorta returned when I fed her hash browns from guess where - McD's! Like daddy like daughter, I'd say in this sense.

I do not want to spoil her diet because McD's is junk food to me and not a source of a healthy diet for a sick toddler. But another part of me wants her to eat so badly that it made me so happy to see her finally eat like she normally does. Once in awhile is ok then, eh?

I blame daddy for this love of McD hehe... so I guess it's true when they say that whatever you do when your partner is pregnant will most likely be presented in your little junior, be it good or bad :D

The only consolation in this case is that McD's is only downstairs and I liked the fact that little jj drinks lots and lots of water (just like mommy!) especially when she's under the weather.

When Friday comes, I would always get super duper excited about little jj's kiddy-gym session for the next morning... I mean, compared to the super timid, super unacceptance of unfamiliar people (including atuk & nenek!), uber princess-ey to the point of being too cautious to even step down a 1" split level that she was before, the classes at Kizsports and the wonderful teachers there helped transformed her into a more boisterous toddler who's so open to try out new things. Yes, she's still not very friendly to people she doesn't see every day but at least she's more daring. I especially love the new things and new habits that she's developed that makes everyday such a sweet sweet day that comes and goes waaay too fast.

And although she is super unfriendly to her nenek and atuk, their undying love and unwavering efforts to win her heart have seen positive results... well, at least when mama is not around ;P

Those cute cute gestures in the way she warms our heart and her cheekiness in making sure we'll melt upon seeing her laugh and talk nonsense, had thwarted the one in his steps earlier this morning. He was almost ready for work when little jj got out of bed, stretched her hands up to reach out for daddy, so that daddy would pick her up and hold her for as long as possible. And for that, little jj made daddy stay home today to spend as much quality time with her because she is so irresistible in our eyes and to appreciate all the little gestures that she's displaying.

Anyways, things have been going on pretty swell for us so far. For me, work has been continuous. It was a mad mad dash for tight multiple deadlines especially when I missed 2 days when we got the baby that we were supposed to adopt. I had spent a little too much time with the preparations for the arrival of the baby, like making up the new room and picking up those involved that I actually risked my work reputation. But I guess as they say, with faith, good things'll happen and I thank god for protecting me... it was a strange coincidence that the client fell sick and later on was too busy to check the documents that were given to me that they actually gave me a one week extension for that particular project.

But... when one project gets delayed, all the other stuff gets affected by the domino effect.

Still, all are manageable and eventually, things are getting back to normal. In fact, in between getting things done this week, I had managed to slot in two needle work for 2 separate attires that I am wearing to 2 different events... I managed to spruce up a dress I got for the one's salsa-themed dinner by adding bits of sequins and beads just to make the dress a little more elegant under ballroom lights and I am still not done with the beadwork for a kebaya that I'll be wearing as emcee for an event early April.

With all these juggling things around, I received a call from a headhunter on Wednesday who asked me whether I'd like to return to the corporate world. Now this is a question that I've always dread to answer, simply because I have never really been that firm in my future plans. All I know is that my earlier intention when little jj was born, was for me to take a 6 months break. However, the 6 months have stretched to almost 2 years now and I am not sure why I should be looking back.

With whatever that I have been doing, I am happy to note that I have been re-acquainted with a treasured friend, whom I thought I have lost contact so long ago, due to some stuff that were happening in her life. Although I never really know the truth of the situation, I know she always have this special spot in my heart and I am glad that business has re-connected us. The fact that I'm on my own allows me to think out of the box, without much constraints and I am free to explore opportunities and get in touch with many wonderful people.

I am happy where I am now. I have the flexibility to work at my own pace while at the same time able to look after my children on my own... I know where the eldest is, I could send him to school and pick him up from school... I know what my kids are eating and I could add in activities with them in between. But... there's this space inside of me that's still opening that gate of possibilities to be attached back to the corporate world although ironically, when given that opportunity a few months ago, I backed out at the last minute as I was sure that I was shown 'signs' against it. Now, why am I still having that gate open?

I guess when I think long and hard about this, I am probably leaving my options open only because we humans are never really satisfied with our achievements... "the grass is greener on the other side", they say and it probably looks so glamourous to be known in the industry. But the truth is, I believe I really already have a firm answer, although I am finding it hard to tell people that I do not wish to go back to the jungle. Never say never, they say.

So, yeah. That's it.

And in all good things that's happening within the week, it is quite a relief to finally get news of payment for services rendered more than 6 months ago. In this business, you would come across parties like this but for this job, the depth of work involved and the fact that the business relationship was built on a long-term friendship, it was pretty disappointing to note that the other party was manipulating my considerate nature.

In this case, I think I don't agree with the saying that goes something like you need to see good things in people for people to see goodness in you because life doesn't always work that way. Firstly, the other party may not use their 'coconut' like you do and secondly, you would easily get taken advantage of. Yes, it is nice to only see the positive side of things but to what extent?

I find that many people (or at least, a handful of people around me) are prone to amnesia. Within the last few weeks, I was unfortunate to come across these people who easily forget what they promised earlier and how they beg in order to get help in the first place. I mean, when one is desperate, it is so easy to promise things and it is so easy for people to say things according to what they think you want to hear. It is such a surprise that these people do not have conscience nor guilt only to cover up their arse.

To me, I say, be frank in the first place so that things can be ironed out the simplest way possible for the best outcome. But I guess in business, you'd have to be shrewd to be successful. Whatever. My motto is - simple, honest and straightforward. I may not get super duper rich in a short amount of time because of this motto but hey... I am an easy to please person.

It is alarming to note that I have to beg for money owed to me although everything was already agreed in the first place and the payment has been long overdue. But, since I pride myself to be able to detect liars, I sensed some irregularities in the correspondences for the last 3-4 months and am truly grateful to the Almighty for leading me to another party for a quick clarification. I would like to close this particular chapter by this Monday when the payment is ready and I would so like to discard all these negative energy around me and bury them deep under the blue ocean.

I guess with all these, I come out wiser although I am a little worried as I become more cautious of people and have so much distrust in people. That is a negative trait that shouldn't consume me. But, I believe that this is a natural phase that one goes through when something like this occur and this barrier of trust is pulled up for protection. Trust is such a big word... it is so precious and priceless because it takes years to build yet could collapse in an instant. When that happens, you have the choice to build it up again or you could simply ignore the party totally because they become insignificant to you.

So, I shall continue to focus on what's significant in my life and work things out in the best possible way. The week has not ended yet and I am wishing for a continuous positive stride.

Friends in facebook are aware of my search for a new stroller.

See, getting a new baby and considering the fact that I'd be taking care of 2 babies without help made me suggest to the one for us to have a new stroller that could fit 2 of them at one go. I know I've seen mommies who babywear the younger one on them while the much older toddler sits in the stroller but in terms of practicality, I would much prefer both babies to sit on a stroller rather than me having to lug a baby around while tending to another.

Mannn... stroller hunting is not easy here in our country... especially if you're looking for a duo stroller. First of all, there isn't much choice out there in the market compared to those you see abroad... I mean, we went to so many online stores in the UK and US and you'll find so many good brands that are affordably priced.

Over here, the only ones with a duo carrier is from Mothercare and Phils & Teds, while you have those twins stroller from MacLaren and Chicco. I shall not touch those on local brands or other China brands that are cheap and flimsy because I believe in quality and safety after a horrifying experience with my first born when he was 7-8 months old. Note: made in China and China brands are two different points, okay.

Anyways, as usual, once we have something on our minds, we would go ahead with the proper research online and then calling up a few places, and we then went on our hunt to get it over and done with.

This was what I wanted - the Graco Quattro Duo. it has individual trays for each passenger but most importantly, it could fit little jj's baby carrier for when the baby is still very small. however, this stroller is unavailable in our country and my enquiries to littlewhiz.com and Babies'R'Us provided me with a negative response :(

First up, right after little jj's class in Kizsports, we went over to all the baby shops in 1Utama. We found a twin stroller in Chicco which was around RM1,300 after discount. It was perfect for newborn to 4 years old kids so it was perfect for both little jj and a newborn, and the handling was pretty good so it was quite alright. The only thing I didn't like was, it was pretty tough to fold and the weight was pretty hefty. I mean... get this - I go out buy my groceries and all, then I would need to get the stuff into the car, get one baby into her car seat and another toddler into her car seat, and they would then have to wait before mommy could start the engine while mommy fold the stroller (kick here kick there for it to fold). By the time I am done, I foresee my babies crying out, feeling the heat from the car park, etc. The price was very reasonable though, and I said to the one that Chicco would be our last choice.

Another outlet in 1Utama that I always liked to drop by every now and then, is Mom's Care, nearby MPH. They have a huge variety of baby stuff in many good brands. Over there, we discovered the twin MacLaren. The price was slightly more than Chicco but within our budget, the handling was so easy, the material was of a better and more comfortable quality and it was much lighter than the first one we saw. However, despite it having all these positive qualities, I still didn't like how it folded and we were still contemplating on 2 things:

1. the twin stroller will make it tough for me to maneuver in many areas because majority of shops do not have alleys large enough to accommodate a twin stroller; and

2. we were still considering getting a new stroller for little jj so that the baby can use her current Graco travel system.

Both points each have their own positive outcome - the first point would make it easier for me to handle both kids at one time while the latter, would eliminate wastage as the current stroller can still be used especially that Graco is a good brand (and still in very good condition) plus the fact that when little jj grows up, we would only be using one stroller VS an empty space in the twin stroller. And, the latter would allow either one of us to take the babies separately either to the changing room or wherever else when need be.

Of course, I would still like to discover my options fully before getting one. So, off we went to Mothercare in Bangsar Shopping Center. For those of you who are not aware, BSC has the largest Mothercare outlet and I went crazy at their ELC area after the renovations at BSC was completed. I think so far, it must be the best baby outlet in this country.

There, in Mothercare BSC, I finally got to see Phils & Teds, which suits my requirements perfectly but with a deep hole in the pocket. Strange though, that we would just grab a designer handbag of a higher price without much guilt but would think long and hard for a stroller that cost RM3k plus ;P

The Phils & Teds duo strollers were absolutely gorgeous! They have huge tires which makes handling so efficient and they are absolutely light in weight. The folding was a little too complicated though, even for the sales assistant, and we didn't bother to consider it. I mean, if a trained sales assistant finds it hard to fold it, let alone a busy mommy who has her hands full.

So, Phils & Teds were definitely off the list despite it having all the points I need. Damn... it was so perfect...

We also discovered a Mothercare duo stroller which I already saw on their website. It is only slightly more than RM1k and has all the requirements I need too, except that it is much longer than P&T. The handling was pretty easy as well. It has its individual trays and cup holders and collapses very easily... just one turn of the handle and it folds down instantly. One step and boom. Perfect. There is no need to kick one lever and kick another lever and pull this and pull that and put them together (like that song, 'Hokey Pokey'). The only downside, is its weight after it is folded. I cannot possibly lug it into the boot of our car. It is waay too heavy. *urrgghhh*

Therefore, we then decided to stick to our 2nd option - for little jj to get a new stroller.

We were worried that she wouldn't like a new stroller because she's such a routine toddler. She likes familiarity and may not welcome something new.

I saw a single stroller from Combi which looked perfect... it 'spoke' to me and I fell in love instantly. It was damn light and just pretty for little jj. However, with one more stroller in our car boot, we know that we have to get one that folds like an umbrella to save space. The one even mentioned of one that he saw, that folds like a golf bag and he could carry it on his shoulder.

So, adding another hour to our stroller hunting in Mothercare BSC, we discovered one from MacLaren. It was only RM600+ and could fold like an umbrella, exactly like what the one mentioned. The only thing was, it doesn't have a front tray, which many parents say one of the reasons for their much older toddler's disinterest in sitting on strollers... without a tray, I know little jj would not have that 'security' of being locked in, especially where she uses the tray as a table for her to put both feet up at times hehe. And, she could rest her favourite books on the tray.

But as life has it, one cannot have it all, right? We let her try out the MacLaren, she hated it at first but as soon as the one strapped her nicely, she actually let daddy push her around the shop.

So, we asked for a nice raspberry colour which they have one, asked them to take it out of the box and everything else, put her inside and walah.... the princess fell asleep. Soundly.

So yes, we found the 'perfect' stroller. And despite moi wanting a stroller that can fit both babies, I guess this choice is more practical. However, I may not be able to go out that freely without being accompanied by another adult... I mean, I can't possibly push two strollers, right... so................ there goes my freedom. But what is life without those small sacrifices, right?

And there goes our adventure :)

I've seen another child going in little jj's play class accompanied by a maid.

I dunno... seriously, what's the main objective for a parent to register their little babies to an early development class? For them to be independent? For them to acquire new skills? To stimulate their minds? All of the above?

But if a parent cannot put aside one hour quality time on a weekend that they've committed for the benefit of their own child, then I don't quite see the necessity of it since the child would just sit with the maid the way she's always comfortable with at home (possibly)... and the maid doesn't say a single thing because she either doesn't understand what's the reason for doing certain activities or because she's required to just keep silent since her voice is not counted for anyways.

Anyone would want a child, I guess. And it sounds better when telling people that their child is sent to an early development learning center. But you can't have it all, want it all yet not willing to sacrifice that small window. In the end, the result is similar to when the child first started the class... sit, stare and stay comfortable because the child simply refuse to participate and the maid is not able to do anything.

I guess we all want everything in life but at what expense? One simply need to prioritise. After all, having a child is never easy. No one ever said it was easy. You've been away most part of the week... what's an hour or two during the weekend class where the child could absorb skills and stimulation the most when you're around. If that's so difficult and your needs and popularity come first, then the end result lies in your hands.

I am performing heavy multi-tasking in this beautiful long weekend.. am currently hooked on Ponzi on facebook while I continue checking in once in awhile on my cafeworld, farmville and yoville accounts haha... and, at the same time, I was able to cook Shepherd's Pie for dinner (I made plenty frozen ones and kept in the fridge, of course) while attempting to produce a new copy for my friend's new collection in Little Girls' Closet, the one-of-a-kind online dress store carrying quality handmade smocked dresses and hand-painted batik attires for little girls (and I am saying this out of sincere honesty). Just wait for their update on the new collection... they're absolutely gorgeous.

Anyways, the one came home from a 3-day motivation camp in Lenggeng on Thursday evening. I was wrong to say that he left at a perfect timing when I was free from urgent jobs... the fact that I was reducing my caffeine intake made me walk around the house like a zombie and feeling bloody lethargic all the time. I couldn't sleep but I was tired... and that felt bad. But... as much as I felt so spoilt and needy, I didn't immediately cry out to him on the phone as I didn't want to bother him with his once-in-awhile bujang moments. Heh. But yes, I felt so spoilt... and couldn't really believe that I once took care of a kid all on my own. I have been so emotionally dependent on the one and I love being dependent... I mean, why would we have a partner for if we have to rely on ourselves all the time, right? As much as I (think) can be a superwoman, I prefer not to be one?... Yes, I am independent but I also love being dependent. Go figure.

The one didn't need to go to work on Friday as the office was closed due to the public holiday today for Thaipusam today... so, we had a full Friday as I wanted to get plenty of things done on a weekday, with someone to look over little jj while I busied myself with stuff...

Let's see... first, very early in the morning, we headed out to Plaza Alam Sentral in Shah Alam to renew my business registration... it was already due by the time I wanted to renew it online and was unable to continue the process unless I do it directly at any SSM (Suruhanjaya Syarikat Malaysia) offices. And to avoid from rushing before the Friday prayers, we made sure that we left the house pretty early... it helped a lot that little jj woke up really early that morning too.

Oh, just for your info, the renewal process was done in a jiffy, surprisingly, I was fined RM20 for the delay in renewing my business and got 10% discount (under "Sokongan Pakej Rangsangan Ekonomi") for every registered year.

We then had our breakfast nearby our place, along with little jj in tow and bought chicken rice for the not-so-little-anymore munchkin who was at home finishing his homework.

Then, we decided to pay a visit to the primary school where we planned to send little jj and whaddaya know... this kiasu mom was told that I would need to wait until she turns 5 before we could register her. Haha. Oh well, to be fair, during the little munchkin's time, registration was compulsory 2 years before his Year 1 commenced... a few years after, when it was my niece's time, she was required to be registered 3 years before her Year 1 commenced. Therefore, it is only natural that I suspected I would need to be more kiasu and register little jj 4-5 years earlier, right??... *sigh* well, apparently, not...

Whatever it is, the one and I agreed that we would still drop by the school next year, in case the indecisive education ministry who always seem to have a habit of changing their ruling and all, makes another set of rules without us parents realising them. So yeah... the administration at the office can be sure to see my face every year at their office....

After Friday prayers and tlm already in school, the 3 of us then headed off to 1Utama to gather some stuff...

The one was contemplating between getting an iPod touch or the new PSP for his [insatiable] gaming needs and while he did that, we managed to grab some books from MPH and applied for new membership cards. We have been visiting a lot of bookstores pretty often due to little jj's early interest in books and thought that we should take advantage of their memberships for the amount of books we've bought (and planned to buy).

Just imagine this... we used little jj's Kidz Club card to get 10% discount for the children's books, we obtained points for our standard MPH card and 1Utama One Card, and we got another discount from an MPH voucher we received in December'09. It was a really good deal :)

Before we left 1Utama, we redeemed our 2nd free set of 6 Big Apple doughnuts from the accumulated points in our ONE Card. I guess in this uncertain economic situation we are in, these sort of memberships do offer attractive perks.

Tomorrow will be another long day for me but at least the one will be off on Monday due to Federal Territory Day. For now, I gotta continue being an efficient multi-tasker (haha!) while I wait to organise a pizza party once the construction of my new building is completed... yes, I am talking about Ponzi, my latest addiction...

Anyway, as a follow-up to this entry that I did, I managed to get an invitation to the Nuffnang FRISO family day out in Kizsports 1 Utama last Saturday. At first, we were a little worried since little jj fell ill earlier that week and was vomitting away by Wednesday. Thank God, she recovered on time, though not fully, as she just got back some of her appetite, while her body tires easily.

Her usual Saturday morning class at Kizsports were cancelled due to this event and their receptionists were surprised when they saw us with little jj hehe...

There were so many fun-filled activities and Kizsports also promoted their classes for babies by giving a sneak 20-minute preview to all parents with toddlers. Little jj made herself at home from the start by targeting the swing first, then the ball-pool and after that, her favourite section in the playland, just like she would each Saturday.

All these while I eagerly await the announcement of the winning entry. Though I wasn't the least bit hopeful in the beginning, I did get a little excited when I was informed that I had been shortlisted for the final selection of entries during registration early in the morning. Of course, I already could guess that Kak Ros of MomBloggersPlanet would definitely win since her entry was seriously creative and original... and am so proud to be associated with her site.

Since it was my first real bloggers' meet, I wasn't sure how to carry myself and a little shy when I heard the mention of so many of them recognisable bloggers... but I did get to know Amira and Zuhaini, met Kak Ros for the first time, while I said hi to several other people whom I can't truly remember their URLs. Even saw Red Mummy in person for the first time and I was so impressed by the aura that she exude that day - a true 'Celebrity-blogger' persona. I must add how happy I was for that opportunity to shake hands with her ;)

The event was pretty organised; Marcus, the emcee, did a great job in getting everyone's attention; the crowd was AMAZING; and everything in the programme line-up was truly interesting for everyone. Too bad little jj slept half way through the event but it was good that she totally enjoyed herself to the max.

So... I'm hoping to blog more frequent now that the entire madness of rushing for the usual annual report/fund report deadlines from my regular clients is pretty much over... and hopefully be able to make it to many more family gatherings like this.