i shall not stop writing.

I just dropped my eldest at school earlier on... everyone in his school is supposed to attend their Teachers' Day do in the morning, including those sitting in the afternoon session. He told me that attendance was compulsory but many of his friends weren't attending. Therefore, I asked him if he wanted to go.

Well, I guess knowing that friends are getting more important in his life now, he definitely felt he needed to go to school. So, off we went and I saw that the school was still pretty empty. What worried me was when I saw a couple (this boy and a girl) leaving the school compound, looking back over their shoulders as if trying to make sure that their parents (maybe?) didn't see them while they walked out probably going out on a date.

*gosh*

I mean, I would rather that my kids run back home instead of sneak out like that.. aren't they too young to go out together?

But then again, times have changed and I wouldn't want to control my kids from wanting to explore making friends and socialising since I myself grew up feeling awkward since I was overly protected by my parents and didn't get to go out with friends until I finished my SPM exams. In the end, I wasn't smart in my social skills and was too trusting of people.

But but but... I would be really worried if my children would sneak out on a school day. I mean, I would at least expect them to tell me that they do not wish to go to school (in events like today) and would want to hang out with friends who weren't going to school. Of course, which parents would allow that, huh? Yeah... maybe not... guess that was why those two kids sneaked out.

Oh, I dunno... hanging out with the right circle of friends is so important. At least back then, I didn't have friends who taught me to lie to my parents and they never pressured me into going out with them. Nowadays, I feel the need to get to know the parents whose children are friends with my eldest but sadly, many of them are not even aware of their kids' wellbeing, or so they say about their parents.

My only hope if my son does that in the future is for him to be able to make the right decisions for him and the girl he's out with, to just make it an innocent outing at McD's and ice cream afterwards, and then head back in time for school to end. But then again, as they say, one starts with innocent moments like this for it to develop into something more experimental which may or may not get out of hand. Oh, I am now, SUPER SCARED.

Is there a Being A Good Parent for Dummies guide? Gosh... this is one stage where I need to learn quick...

Toughcookie says:

First of all, the grass always look greener on the other side. Before you make such a decision, why don't you try it for at least a month or two. This is because, many SAHM have told me that they hate looking at themselves at home as they no longer have 'ME' time. A handful of working moms who've tried being a SAHM had also admitted to me that getting out of the house to work is like an escapism for them... they can be more relaxed outside of the house rather than screaming at the top of their lungs day in day out dealing with their kids and they are also able to go for coffee breaks and long lunches while gossiping or shopping without the kids clinging to their pair of legs.

As for me, I had always thought of myself a successful career woman. But I guess, I do feel burnt out after working hard every single day since the day after my final exams in Uni. Lucky me, I have a husband who works in an organisation with sufficient medical coverage for our family and I guess that was part of the encouraging factor for me to pursue taking a break for at least 6 months after the baby was born, or so I thought.

Well, frankly, I love being at home because my work required me to work long hours... and I had to travel at least a week of every month. I couldn't see myself separating from the family and truthfully, I became lazy ever since I found a man who pampered me the way no other man did. So, making that decision was not very difficult.

During the initial stage, though, you'd somehow feel a little inferior about yourself especially if you have friends who've kinda made it in their career. I found that I had to explain to people that I used to head a department in a public listed company (and made sure I emphasised that the department held responsibilities at 'group' level) just so that I would be taken more seriously and not be perceived negatively as a tai tai. Of course, I realised I am out of this inferiority stage as I no longer felt the need to tell an old friend whom I recently bumped into of this fact when she raved about how a former classmate is now a manager of a private limited company. So, I guess one would need to go through this initial stage until it wears off.

Initially too, as much as I liked how we were leading our life, there were many decisions that we needed to make especially in terms of our financials in order for us to lead an 'easy life'... what I meant by 'easy life' is a life that's not filled with so much debt just because we want to 'look good' all the time. Therefore, we needed to make some sacrifices so that I could still do some bits of shopping for the kids every now and then, that we could still enjoy eating out at the places we love to hang out and we made sure there's some emergency stash for well... emergencies.

As for you sustaining your current lifestyle, I can vouch that your expenses on yourself will slow down immensely when you've stopped working. I am not sure about the majority of SAHM's out there but I have spoken to some friends of mine who shared the same view - that they didn't need to shop that much anymore since they're always in their t-shirts and sweatpants. For me, I didn't feel that I needed to look smashing all the time, I hardly wear make up unless I'm out with the one and I've been wearing my very comfy pregnancy shoes almost everywhere I went. Of course, nowadays I do make it a point to look good because one year of staying chubby and plain became a little boring to me :) but I am still wearing them shoes from Scholl because they are so comfortable! So, when I think of this, yes, you'd be making some sacrifices in the beginning but things will turn out well in time... I believe so :)

I think when you've decided such a thing - to stop working, you must talk this over with your other half on what he expects out of you and what you both are willing to compromise. It can be a little depressing at times when you feel like there's no other way to cut yourself into 10 parts and still be useful to your family but all that can go away when you have a supportive and understanding partner. A lot of people think this SAHM is an easy peasy role (some even think it's a no brainer!) and it can get a little challenging having to explain how tiring it can be (and sometimes even worthless to get into this argument with people) so, it helps if your other half does not think of it that way and thinks of you as a strong contributor to the family.

As for doing business, what is it that you like to do? It's no point getting into a business for the sake of doing business. Doing something you like can ensure its sustainability and viability. It won't be a smooth start but your passion will keep it going, while you maintain your priorities to your family. All I can say is that the possibilities are endless. Once you're out of the rat race, your mind will think of stuff you'd never think of. Some people say my optimism is due to my business-minded nature. Truthfully, I was never business-minded but the fact that I would like to have my own pocket money to spend as I like, the mind starts to get very creative all the time and you'll see plenty of things as an opportunity to make money. Well... you'll think of something....

Sometimes, things will not turn out the way you planned and I don't think one should be very rigid. At first, I bought a sewing machine and an edging machine to start a sewing project but the projects never got through and I found myself doing writing and translation jobs for old contacts. I even took some part time sewing lessons just so that I keep myself abreast with the latest technology, techniques and tools to start up a tailoring business but as it turned out, the person who impart her sewing knowledge to me became one of my clients ;)

Therefore, one will never know what one's potential is in business until one starts doing something. Just do something and open your eyes and mind to any possibilities.

I hope my explanation is satisfactory to you and I wish you all the best of luck. It all boils down to how determined you are and you can start finding out if you are going to be happy staying home by taking small steps at a time. One shouldn't be hasty about taking this big step especially if you're so used to working. However, I do think that as much as being a SAHM can be pretty tiring, frustrating at times and not a glorified job, the non-monetary benefits do make me feel extremely happy and highly rewarded. Don't give up that easily when times are hard and it always helps to keep a positive mind.

It has been a very tiring day today (Saturday)... all of us in the family had quite a full day, starting as early as 7.45am til almost 10pm just now and this toughcookie fell asleep unintentionally only to be sharply awaken by little jj who badly needed the attention from someone. Well, my 13-year old was busy on the net while daddy was engrossed with his PS3 and I guess the only fair thing to do was to wake mommy up as mommy will do anything to keep her happy.

I woke up, gave her the much deserved attention and passed her back to daddy while I finally get to do laundry at such a late hour. In a situation like this, we all do what we have to do, don't we?

Anyways, this got me to thinking about Mothers' Day tomorrow (or today, rather, as this post was drafted just before midnight prior to Mothers' Day). Now, whomever says that mommies are allowed the same benefit as those in employment during Labour Day? Which mommy can tell me if they really are granted an off day, like totally, 100% - no cleaning, no cooking, no tending to any members of the family, nothing... anyone?

It's never easy being a mom, and it is even more difficult to be a good mom....

A good mom doesn't just deliver a baby into the world and raise the baby up hoping that they'd be a successful person automatically... a good mom does much more beyond taking care of their kids. A good mom tends to the family, put everyone else's needs before hers, raise her children up well to be a human of strong character, tell them frankly if they have made a mistake so that they would be a better person and be sure to support them in times of need. A good mom would not be afraid to let her kids know who's boss yet allow her kids to develop into who they want to be even with some pressure put on them because she has experienced it all before and does not wish to have her kids go through life's tough lesson the hard way.

I am not sure how good of a mom I've been so far... but I do know that I've worked very hard to support my family even during those 7 years of life as a single mom, raising a child with ADHD and Dyslexia, so that I could afford the therapy bills and additional classes for my growing child's needs. I would so want to be a good mom but seeing how different my 13-year old is now that he's in a stage where his friends seem to be more important than family, I would want to learn how other moms with grown up sons handle their teenage needs and how tough it is to want to be firm and tough without putting too much pressure on them.

It's never an easy task being a parent, not just for a mom. But since I am on the topic of Mothers' Day, allow me to just indulge in my emotional rush via this form of expression that I know best - writing.

I think I started to fully appreciate my mom as my mom when I got my first child. I suddenly realised the sacrifices that she had to go through, especially having us kids who didn't necessarily made her entirely happy. Yes, she has her weaknesses where our personality clashes like nobody's business and yes, we had our heated moments back then. Heck, there were too many disagreements especially on my way of life, the decisions that I made and so forth that made our relationship a little tense at one point in time, but I've realised that she has not been a mother who's not good.

Having a teenage child and one baby who clings on me constantly, I realised that my mom, despite whatever situation we're in, would always not fail to remind me that she's my mother, so that I will never lose ground.

I realised that despite whatever challenges that went her way, she would never lose sight of her children, bring us all back into what's real, nags all she wants if she feels she needs to, make us hate being in that situation if the situation calls for it yet at the end of the day, we all know that all was done because of her love for her children and her children are hers for an entire lifetime. No mother would want their kids to suffer through life yet no good mothers would want their kids to not learn their lessons after a bad fall, either.

It's never easy being a mother, as I have recently realised after some bouts of crisis, and even harder being a good mother.

A good mother does not need to be afraid to correct the wrong yet admit that she has made a mistake, and lower her ego all in the name of love. A good mother doesn't protect her kids who have done grave mistakes while she reprimands those who truly love her, who does whatever it takes for her and constantly thinks only of her feelings. I mean, what good does it do to mistreat the better children only to protect those bad apples because a good mom would know that that will never solve the problem, and the individual will never learn her lesson.

A good mother doesn't go against her word just for her convenience but demonstrate equal respect to all her kids because she knows that respect is earned and that she would want her kids to respect and love her, not only because it's her rights as a mom.

A good mother is able to tolerate life's challenges because she, of all people, would understand more about life while her kids are still only less than half of her age, who still needs time to learn while they tread the rough pathways of life and that they need all the guidance they can get unconditionally, not being treated second class just because they are willing to put up with everything in order to learn and be a better person.

Yes, it is hard being a mother, and more so, being a good mother.

I am still learning especially in this recent development dealing with a growing boy-turning-into-a- young man who sometimes rebel and unsure of what he needs to do or where he should step. A good mother will not let her child get lost and bring him back with proper guidance.

As much as I had so much resentments with how my mother handled me before - of how overly protective she was of me in my teenage years, so much so that I couldn't even go out with my friends until I've completed my SPM exams... I couldn't understand why I needed to be chauffeured driven everywhere I went and why I was constantly reminded to take good care of myself, as if I didn't already know of that particular fact.

The truth is, as much as it sounded really irritating - of her repeating to me constantly to take good care of myself, I guess I now am so thankful for that constant nagging as I now know that she loves me that much to be so worried of me and afraid that I'd lose myself in the beauty of life as a grown lady.

Mak, is a conservative woman who didn't bother much about being a friend to her daughter because she felt that discipline and doing everything proper, according to her style was the way to raise her children. It was a stressful life being a teenager under her roof and I never understood her style fully.

Now that I am a mother myself, I am exhumed with total relief that she raised me the way she did as all her qualities of a good mom suddenly became so clear to me...

Yes, being a good mom is not very easy but that her ways of raising her children made us who we are today, prevented us from making any irreversible life mistakes that could ruin our future but most of all, ensuring that her kids do not take her for granted. She's firm and she's an even tougher cookie compared to me but after 34 years of my life, I suddenly realised that she had at least tried to be a good mom. No matter how difficult her children once thought life was under her roof, we all could now safely testify that after having kids of our own, and going through life one day at a time, we are truly grateful to be born in that family and to have her as our mother.

She is a remarkable mother and I deem her, a good mother.

It ain't easy being a good mother, but she has been one damn good mother.

There is no need to pretend in our family and there isn't any need to be manipulative to get what we want. Everything is done in a straight-forward manner and honesty becomes a very important factor for the family to remain strong albeit with the many weaknesses.

Now that I have kids of my own, I would like to take all the positive things that she's taught us. I vow to never lose sight of what's important for my kids that whatever I do or the decisions that I make for them (while they are under this same roof or not), will be for their benefit in the long run. I know I would need to be strong to face resistance from my kids if they find it hard to understand why I do the things I do because I know, 10-20 years down the road, they will be in my shoes now, looking back and realising that yes... it is difficult being a mom, but mommy was definitely a good mom.

Happy Mothers' Day.

I believe many bloggers are already aware about the recent development in the blogworld, particularly one that has escalated to a more serious note, involving legal procedures.

Having a blog does not give one the rights to write as he/she please. Yes, it is one's own blog and one feels they have the right to do whatever they wish as it is their own space but then again, one must realise that a blog can be read by the entire world, no matter where they are but most importantly, the world is already seemingly small and anyone can stumble upon your blog at any chance. Therefore, whatever you write may reach whomever anytime, anywhere.

These days, majority of bloggers incorporate their twitter account into their blogs and I think this is an even more powerful tool as one gets to communicate with their 'followers' and friends, still very visible to the entire world's population if one decides not to protect their tweets. Therefore, if you intend to gossip or tell a close friend, say, that you just fought with your husband, it is definitely not the most suitable platform unless you want your husband to read it and make the situation even worse.

Now, my point is, on the writing part. Most bloggers spill everything in their hearts into this small space because it is their space. But I think only a handful do not really spill everything when they're angry. Anger can be quite destructive because not only everyone else who doesn't know what's going on, will know the story eventually, but it also gives such a negative air/aura to your blog that not only you yourself will feel uncomfortable for letting such an entry linger at the top of your blog but readers mostly will also feel the same way. Furthermore, if indeed it was just a spur of the moment, the damage cannot be reversed. Fair and rational-minded readers would prefer not to know too much details if two individuals want to start a blog war, anyway..

Still, despite all that, I strongly feel that one is not able to control another person's feelings/response towards what you have done to them. I mean, if you can start calling people names, like "sundal", what makes you think that the other party cannot do the same. Of course, it is easier to tell the other party to not do anything and stoop as low as you but as I said, reflect on yourself first to understand why the other party does what he/she is doing. After all, we are in control of our own actions.

In the first place, one shouldn't be so unprofessional (if one says they're professional in the blogworld) and judge other people... I mean, why does one care so much if one blogger is so after freebies or that the person is an unemployed lazy bum? I for one do not care one bit as long as he/she doesn't come to me every other day, asking for money to support his/her lifestyle.

Well, I may not be fully aware of the entire truth but if it is out in a certain way in the blogworld, one just cannot blame other readers on their own opinions about the situation. That's why the best way is to keep mum and if it is just a small matter, let it be.

I always think that the best way to settle a dispute is to quickly apologise when one is wrong. The evidence speaks for itself. If you let the negative air continue to linger, you simply cannot blame the 'victim' to respond the way they do. What made you do what you did in the first place? Who are you to judge people? I mean, if one is so irritated or annoyed about what another blogger say about you, why don't you confront him/her instead of telling everyone in your blog/twitter space about that person, even months after? Why don't you just go to her or even tell her in an email that she blardy irritates you and you want an explanation to why he/she said what he/she said about you?

Respect is something earned not given. In order for people to give you that respect, you should respect others as well, no matter how popular you are or how much older you are. Name-calling is a no-no unless you are ready to face the consequences. I know I've done that once or twice the entire 5 years of blogging but I was very angry at the people I was aiming the entry at, but like I said, things will not happen the way they did if one is not provoked.

There's nothing wrong with being the bigger person, and I don't mean in body size. There's no need to be mean. Most importantly, there's no need to be so egoistic especially in the local blog scene because first of all, it is extremely small and secondly, if one is popular enough, there's no need to pay any attention to those small time individuals even if they are after freebies and being jobless. You can't please everyone and you cannot force every single people on earth to like you/like what you wear/like how you look. In the end, you know yourself and you are good in what you do... you have your family, and your family loves you... and friends will be there for you through thick and thin, not just because of what you can do for them.

That's what I think.

I have tonnes of work right now and my mind is not totally in a good state due to many developments. But since little jj is finally asleep, I thought I should type out what's been bugging me.

Choices in life is so tough to make. You choose one path, stick to your guns and then realise that other opportunities arise and that you should grab it because it may not come again that soon or easily. Then, things happen and you make one decision which you realised in time it may not be the right choice because things are always changing in life and one must be able to adapt to changes in order to constantly improve and not be rigid or too complacent.

I recalled the time after our PM tabled the 2010 budget in parliament. Days after that, comments were aired and one came from a personality regarding a suggested pay hike for women as more and more of us have decided to leave the workforce due to the challenges and change of focus after having a family. Somehow, I feel that it is such a lame suggestion from a man, not well thought of and only to address one part of a problem… typical in most political environments.

I feel that no matter how much you’re offering to a woman, her family [usually] would come first. I am not saying that women who work are not family-oriented… we always have our own reasons to why we work or resort to being a housewife – those choices are made after weighing all options. I know that before I decided to stay home, I could never imagine surviving this far as I calculated how much I’d need to stay sane and normal. And that if I hadn’t made that jump, I would never see things the way I see now. Therefore, I am talking about some of us who stay home or work from home while taking care of a baby on our own and sometimes wondering what it’d be like to go back to work.

An opportunity arose with a promising factor but things will also present their ways to force you into taking a stand for the choices you make. And coming back to the point of a pay-hike to career-minded women with a family, will not promise anything for some who’s been taking care of their children on their own and loves doing stuff for their family.

I would like to be able to be there for my kids when they get sick. I’ve been told by so many friends that their inability to obtain extended leave for their sick children only allow them to take one to three days leave at one go, to tend to their sick kids. For those who could only take one day off, they would usually just send their sick kids to the nursery fully aware that their children are not fully recovered and risk infecting other healthy kids at the nursery. In the end, everyone gets sick over and over again.

I was working when I had my first child and since I was staying with my parents then, that part of responsibility never really hit me that hard as my father would always encourage me to go to work while my mom or him took care of my eldest. I could still go for my work trips and come home late every time, from that demanding requirement of being in the advertising industry.

But now that I’ve taken care of little jj on my own for more than a year and how much I've kinda had it with office politics, her well-being posed a question that even I had surprised myself… what I could do before, I couldn’t repeat today. Seeing how well she sleeps at the comfort of a clean and healthy home environment where there is only mommy and abang in the morning, I know she will have her much needed, uninterrupted, rest while mommy’s stress is only on the deadlines of any current work pending on this table.

I do not need to constantly check-in to what’s happening at the office and I do not have anyone calling me to ask about things that any of them can find on their own at work.

There are plenty of sacrifices as a WAHM or SAHM. The income you obtain is the result of your efforts – you tend to earn more when you work harder (or smarter) although my line of work is well known for late payments. You’ve gotta forgo some needs that are not that important and there was one month where I would just sit quietly at home so that I could stretch whatever’s left in my bank account a little longer. But you know with babies/kids, they are adaptable… the usual shopping mall visits became outdoorsy trips or visits to her grandparents for her evening walks. She was ok with it, really. As long as mommy was at her side and she gets her usual dose of boobies.

I read of some status on facebook regarding this issue – some would go down hard on their babysitter or maids while some, full of guilt for having to work. Since I do not like to judge people, I would say that whatever a mommy choose to do, is for what she thinks is best for her family. So, we all adapt to what we think is more important. But one must realise that you simply cannot have it all in life… some want to work part time yet have the best baby-sitter in the world. Some of us mommies might not be the best baby-sitter though, and so we address our needs differently. Like me, I think I am happier taking care of my baby but I might not be totally excited in other areas. Whatever we can compromise on what we truly prioritise shall then overcome whatever we are not happy about because to me, little jj is well take care of, InsyaAllah safer in my care, and that immense satisfaction I get when she starts talking and picking up words she hears from us in the family. You can’t have it all. You simply cannot be that greedy. Life is not like that. There would always be some void somewhere, I’m sure, in whatever the situation. One must simply make the best of what one already have.

And I am not talking about being complacent either. I know that some would say we shouldn’t be satisfied with what we have and should always reach out for the stars. Yes…. You can do that. My point is, when you are reaching for the stars, you may compromise some other areas that need your equal attention. You cannot have it all at one go just like no one individual is perfect. There would always be some flaws somewhere, hidden or visible. Be grateful for what you already own and don't let go in hopes of grabbing something else in that small grasp, unless what you're holding isn't that important anymore.

On Monday, I met up with a friend who came back for a short break from Sydney and she told me that she took a year’s leave from work. What was supposedly a 6-month plan turned to an extended 6 more months. So, I told her that the longer she takes to go back to work, the longer it will be for her to want to go back to work. For us used-to-be-career-minded-women, money shall always be ‘some’ concern as we were so used to having a good monthly income where it covers repeated shopping sprees in any seasons without getting any approval from our other half. Now, as much as you can spend as you would before, there would always be that concern of saving for rainy days, spending wisely and the needs VS the wants. Both ways, working or not, those traits are just as empowering, depending how you want to look at it – having money is power or that having this sense of self-control is power to you. Take what’s positive and make that work for you.

We will forever have needs… money will never be enough no matter how much you make but what is it that you really want out of life and out of your family? There’s always a solution to everything and in anything you choose, there’ll be pros and cons. Always. Nothing is complicated unless we make them seem complicated. If we’re not happy about our situation, stop complaining and start taking actions. But stick to the choices you make and don’t blame others if things doesn’t turn out the way you expected.

I thought I was ready to go back to work. Signs were there and a good opportunity arrived at my doorstep. But I only saw that one opportunity in one area… there are other opportunities as well in other areas. So, what’ll it be? Consistent amount of dough at the end of the month every month while compromising time for the family, or inconsistent (but manageable) income with flexi hours and plenty of time spent with my little angel? Both shall make me happy... but only on one part of my self-satisfaction. Which is more important? The answer suddenly became very obvious to me.

Wait… I have always had that answer written in front of me. And it was really up to me to see it.

P/S: Come to think of it, I do have a friend who seems to have it all - a great family, money, power, reputation and everything else. But she still says she envies my life and want to be me - something I totally do not comprehend til now. So, tip of the day for WAHMs or SAHMs who need motivation - stop looking at others' lifestyles and start looking at your own ;)

I haven’t really been paying much attention to the ‘Requests’ section of my facebook account for so long. I’ve been really occupied with work and all my status updates were done from the TweetDeck that was installed on my mac mini by the one. Hence, all updates are automatically linked and uploaded to my facebook status. And those times when I do have time to keep in touch with friends on facebook, I rely heavily on its homepage and latest status updates of friends that appear there. Since I am in front of the computer most of the time, I’d let those game applications like Farmville, Yoville and Café World run so that I could keep up with whatever that I needed to do during those short breaks from work and demanding little jj.

But… just a week ago, I decided to check out my Requests page and saw those friend requests that’s been on queue for God knows how long. Also saw several profile pictures of those friends suggested by existing friends on my list. Now, that….. had brought certain memories from the past that was practically buried so deep in my skull.

So… that got me to thinking… of the past, of friends I am no longer friends with… of friends who touched my life in so many ways before but have lost contact… of those people who were only friends with me because they wanted something from me… and those people who got close to me because they felt they could protect me from my trusting nature.

Then there were those assholes who told stuff and those people who judged me for being myself and now, seeing their profile photos on facebook, how much they have changed into people they judged before. But then again, my uni years was waaay back and I asked myself why I was still holding on to those insignificant memories… why some of them still touched me, and those many questions on why some of them wants to add me as friends when they never bothered to be one then. I was heavily judged a city girl, dressed too daring (though that was nothing close to how much more daring I am now)… oh, how much more innocent and simplistic way of thinking local students were in that local university.

So, with that, I felt that I’d want to leave a note for little jj… a useful note for her when she starts facing the various different characters in her growing up process where mommy might not be able to constantly tell her this and that. I know I have at least mentioned some of these points to my eldest son every once in awhile when the topic of friends and friendship came about especially when he starts to judge people from the way they dressed or looked. And although I won’t be able to totally protect little jj, I would like for her to know that her mommy at least have told her some priceless advise that her grandma never really made clear to her mommy before.

Don’t be afraid to be yourself – and when I say, ‘yourself’, I meant honest, passionate and sincere, even to the point of being outspoken, brash and bold. Some people will judge you for being rude, some people will want to stay away because you feel like a threat to them and many will talk behind your back because they may be jealous of what you have and what you can do without fear. These traits will be the traits that others look for, especially those who are also honest and sincere in fostering friendships and that they seek these positive traits because they expect nothing less out of a friend.

Keep some mystery – do not reveal too much about yourself, your family or what you think about what has happened to some people because most of the times, people would just want to hear you talk and what you say can be used against you. It is better that one doesn’t know you too well because firstly, judging you will be even harder and secondly, those negative people will feel much worse that they have no juicy contents to twist to make you look bad. And you, have nothing to lose as you will always have true friends out there even if you haven’t found one.

Don’t be afraid to be outstanding – yes, by being brash and bold (in a positive way) will make you stand out from the rest. People can feel threatened by that unless they are mature and open-minded and know that this is such a small matter when it comes to fostering friendships. I can strongly vouch that this possible ‘unwanted’ trait by some is a really small issue in your student years because this trait is a strong advantage when you seek employment. Trust me. I’ve been there.

Learn to be a good listener - you do not need to say anything after. Sometimes people only want to share their thoughts to have one who could listen while they express their feelings so that they feel better. They might not be seeking for opinions or advise. By listening to what they have to say, you have played your role as a good friend.

Those who disturb your life are disturbed inside - do have faith that people who disturbs your peace are those who are very much disturbed internally. They do not need help unless they help themselves. These people cannot stand to see other people happy because they are miserable all the time and the need to hurt other people to make them feel better, is one pitiful trait. Their opinions about you cannot affect you in any way and you do not need to explain or prove anything about yourself to anyone.

Do unto others if you want others do unto you – it’s okay if there are many pessimistic people around. Be what they want but you should always stick to your principles because this is what will hold you close to yourself… your conscience is clear at all times and there won’t be regrets.

The glass is always half full – be positive no matter what. Every event has a silver lining, there is always 2 sides of a coin and the world is round. Therefore, as long as you are honest and sincere in everything you do, you do not judge others and don’t meddle in other people’s issues, you’d have a happier life. Even if some things do not go your way, you’d be able to see the better side of things, in time. And… those who do malicious and vicious things to you will always get what they deserve without you having to resort to revenge. Let go and nature shall take its course. That, you can trust me as well.

There is nothing wrong with being nice to get your point across – honesty, brash and bold do not need to be applied in a negative way. Just be firm, concise and gentle. There are plenty of time to show your bitchy side after you have joined the employment market but during your student years, all you need to do is study well, enjoy life as a student and get involved in as many activities as you can. Honesty can sometimes be misconstrued as arrogance. So be tactful and think before you open your mouth because as much as I encourage you to be honest, at times and in some situations, it’s not worth your breath.

Make as many friends as possible during your student years – because like it or not (and true to the saying, ‘the world is round’), you would in the future meet or need some of them. I remember how one guy who was so openly critical about me back then suddenly came begging to me to give him a good evaluation for the utterly careless and unprofessional catering service to the organisation I was working for. One day, you would be a decision maker or your friend could be in that position. You do not want to be in a situation where you appear a hypocrite because you will never be able to face yourself in the mirror. And mommy would so hate to know that my precious princess was brought up as a pretentious person.

Always smile the moment you get out of bed to the time you turn in – smiling changes a lot of perspectives, to you or to others. It also further promotes positive thinking. So, smile… and the world will smile with you because a smile can be infectious. Plus, I know you’d look so much more gorgeous with a smile.

It’s not important to have best friends, yet – you can have best friends but only after you have really got to know them inside out. Sometimes, we can be wrong about someone but that is okay because we are only human. Just don’t get too attached or dependent on anyone. Best friends can be your worst enemy. So, remember to stay a little mysterious. Furthermore, you will find many people whom you can call a best friend in your later years when the environment is so much healthier and everyone gets more matured.

Take care of yourself, love yourself – people will not love you if you do not love yourself. Be selfish if you like. Don’t even bother about what others thought of you (and this, I meant it in a positive way). You will never be able to please everybody in this world so stop thinking that you need everyone’s approval in everything that you do. As long as you know what you’re doing is the best thing to do for yourself, no other people should be able to make you believe otherwise. By being selfish, you discount all other miserable factors because in the end, you are responsible for your well-being. Everyone is selfish and wants what’s best for them. Therefore, you should too.

Live life as if there’s no tomorrow – live happy, think happy thoughts, be positive and experience (within limits) life wise and open. Thus, when you get to my age, you wouldn’t have to say things like, “Oh, I wished I had done that before,” or “I never tried doing that in uni,”. And that quite suck at this age since you know you should enjoy being a young adult, and the only responsibilities are taking care of yourself and your grades.

Stay close to positive people – only when you are positive and friends with people who value life can you succeed in life. With positive influences, you get rid of bad energy which can affect you. It’s ok if some people think less of you as long as you know yourself and have faith of those significant people around you.

Always be responsible for your own actions and the choices you make – yes, it is always easier to blame everyone else for anything that does not go your way. But I tell you, that will never make you a better person and you shall never be able to improve yourself and achieve success with a clear conscience. Remember that whatever you do and the choices you make are made with yourself in mind, for your benefit and for you to come out wiser.

Remember that your family will be on your side no matter what – you can always choose your friends but you can never choose who you want as family. As bad as that may sound, just know that you would always have our support and to come to any of us for advise, should you need clearer direction on what you need to do.

If you've made a mistake, apologise instantly and sincerely - because if you treat life like there is no tomorrow, you should know that you may never see that person again and that you have the balls to admit to your mistake (yes, baby, you can and will make mistakes along the way but that is alright). Stop making excuses because it will make your apology totally lame. So, suck up your ego, and apologise, and be sure to not repeat such things again.

Do not give away trust that easily – I am not saying you must mistrust everyone around you… that is negative. I am just saying that not everyone is your friend even if they appear to be very very nice and that not everyone is your enemy just because they appear crude or nasty. Once you get to know people, you may be surprised to note that nicer people can turn to be your worst enemy and those who appeared cold could probably displayed that to protect you.

Give way for second chances – though it cannot be applied all the time. People may not get it right the first time and in some cases, second chances make a whole lotta difference!

Let go of the past – while typing this point I realised how important it is to let go of the past. You may not be able to totally forget the past or forgive those who’ve wronged you but letting go of the past allows you to feel better. In time, you will eventually forgive some people and realise that they cannot affect your life in any way unless you allow that to happen. Furthermore, the past experience shapes you into a better person. Letting go of the past may not have to be one where you are inclined to offer any friendship in return, although some of them from the past could also turn into better characters. Life is a journey of learning… you won’t get everything right all the time but at least I know with all these and through all these, you have protected yourself considerably well.

Last but not least, as I’ve just finished watching ‘Meet the Robinsons’ on Disney channel with abang while you were on your afternoon nap, I would so like you to adopt the values from that movie – to always move forward in life. As you are responsible for the choices you make, you can not change things (and I don’t think you should change people as well) or the past. But what you do in the present time will shape your future and that helps a lot if you could live life with positive energy… in that process, just know that you have good friends who’d have your back even if they’re not close to you or never told you that.

Ok.. it’s been almost a month since my last post as I’ve been very pre-occupied… well, mostly due to the constant Twitter updates that is just as satisfying; a little more due to facebook and their addictive games which I could always participate in between breaks; but more so because of the endless attention required of a growing toddler who has learnt to walk and always able to grab mommy at any time and every time. *phew*

Anyways, I have been very busy with work and I thought it may take me another one week or two before I have the energy to blog again but something just hit me tonight and I have this strong urge to write an entry.

See, there was this discussion on blogging and how some people could still regard blogs as an unimportant marketing tool. Really, at this age and time (and this, I meant the 21st Century – not my ‘age’) I am perplexed at such an opinion. No, it’s not because I am a blogger myself. I am saying this because anyone who’s familiar with the internet and use the internet as a source of info would know and could see how much has changed over the years… how blogs have evolved from what they were before – an avenue to voice out concerns/sharing of information to one of the most effective marketing tools nowadays.

I was even more perplexed that this opinion came from a successful entrepreneur who was taken in by the advise of her friend (also a successful entrepreneur in the same industry) that a blog is not important, and that she should focus more on revenue-generating efforts – an advise given by a person who owns a personal blog with plenty of links to reputable connections in the industry, advertisement spaces and clearly stated contact details for, what else – income generating opportunity! I was about to open my mouth wide but stopped immediately since my advise doesn’t come free that easily and I shall say no more ☺

No longer can one say that blogging is a waste of time or rubbish. Yes, you get some people who writes rubbish but who’s to judge when they have hundreds of ‘followers’ on their blogs. It’s no longer about the content… but more of the following, readership and connections on a personal level. Some say it is no longer fun blog-hopping because one tends to read too many advertorials and entries on online contests but I guess, this sort of marketing and promotions work… or else no advertisers or sponsors would venture into such tactics – it works!

One is no longer subjected to the confinements of one’s home with house chores to be completed. Instead, many housewives have now started to blog to gain additional income (although I am not sure how much one can really earn from sponsored posts/ads like nuffnang, on average). Housewives are also smarter by pursuing their hobbies and selling their products online, through their blogs, that are also filled with links to other bloggers and a huge number of online conversations.

Big corporations in Malaysia have started to open up and welcome bloggers to their events and functions, as they know how powerful it is when certain messages are exchanged in blogs. In this case, bloggers are treated somewhat similar to media practitioners because some people (moi included) do not have that much trust in paid media due to the perception that adspend always (or most of the time) influences the angle of an article unlike independent opinions of bloggers, who at most times provide an objective opinion and approachable at a more personal level through the interactive environment - be it in the comments section or ‘Shout Box’ displayed in their blogs. I, for one, was privileged to be invited by MAS to their Cabin Crew Training for bloggers as they felt that it was important for us bloggers to educate the public of their new motto of Malaysian Hospitality and that cabin crewmembers are not just pretty faces.

Many companies have adopted and accepted the concept of including bloggers into their PR and marketing acitivities. One just cannot discount the importance and strength of published information on a blog, as I learnt back in 2005 just after the Tsunami that badly hit our neighbours and some northern parts of our country. In the news sense, information traveled faster than the main news channels; footages from the catastrophe that were aired on national and international news networks were sourced from blogs; and what I remember most was how a mat saleh baby, whose family had fallen victim to the giant waves in Phuket, was identified by their relatives in Germany (I think!) from photos of him posted in blogs. These, I found out based on my research for an IT article I was required to submit for a client's newsletter. From then on, I discovered the satisfaction of blogging, made many friends through blogging, and of course, met the one from blog-hopping.

Now, almost 5 years later, companies not only welcome bloggers' opinions, many have built special blogs for employees/customers/registered bloggers to post entries/reviews on their blogs. Even politicians have accepted this fact – that opinions posted on blogs can be powerful and how many have tried to create a monitoring system for Malaysian bloggers. Of course, this ain’t easy. Hence, we can now find many blogs of our politicians, all who fell into the saying, "If you can't beat them, join them."… some write their own entries, while some probably use the services of ghost writers.

In the US alone, the acceptance of blogs as a powerful source of info is so overwhelming that even CEOs blog. Sad to say, the only CEO in Malaysia who blogs is none other than Tony Fernandes (I’m not sure… is he a Datuk Seri now?). No wonder he can be such an admired corporate figure… it’s this acceptance and moving along with the times allow him to be the pioneer of many wonderful opportunities…

I, for one, who’s an internet savvy individual – who uses the internet to find information and learns from what she discovers every time, would have to totally say that blogging is an important tool for whatever reasons – be it for marketing purposes or even branding… not necessarily branding/portraying a certain image for your products. Blogging also creates branding for yourself, through the eyes of your readers from what you write. This is because you allow people to get to know you better since what you write is usually seen as a personal opinion; you reach out a massive audience as your blog can be accessed publicly (if you do not choose to make it private) and there are millions out there, at least, who, like me, uses the net as a main source of information. Heck, just one keyword typed in a search engine will display hundreds if not thousands of blog lists that relate to a certain view or reviews that you are searching for. More often than not, those opinions count because those are the information that you obtain FOC.

Heck, I no longer buy beauty magazines as I sometimes find them with too many adverts that do not appeal to me and articles that are downright boring. For now, I am very happy to read two beauty blogs whom I have begun to trust in their suggestions and recommendations, even though I have only been following them for a couple of months. Part of my decision to try out a facial session at Lancome was due to limited information on some beauty brands that I was looking for and the Lancome Beauty Institute in Bangsar Village II was at the top of the list, written by one of them. That was enough to get me curious and how I got totally hooked after the experience under those warm, magical hands of Tiffany ;P

Same goes for you, if you have not been blogging yet. I am not persuading you to… but if you underestimate the power of blogs, get these facts:

- 22 of the 100 most popular websites in the world are blogs

- 51% of blog readers shop online

- blog readers average 23 hours online each week

- 89% of companies surveyed say they think blogs will be more important in the next five years (this is an American survey

- there are 500,000 active bloggers in Malaysia, ranking us among the highest in the world after Indonesia and EU (70% of the election results were influenced by information found in blogs)

- more and more bloggers have garnered additional income from blogging

If you are seeking to reach your audience and brand yourself to be more approachable and accessible, this is one great way to do it. But if you can’t see that, then you lose out in the massive opportunity and just be a follower, rather than the force that you want to portray to them. Hence, you lose out to your competitor who actively blogs.

Geesh... now this is definitely a free advise, huh?

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