i shall not stop writing.

I was into my mother cat mode again just awhile ago, trying to scare this one person who commented that a photo of little jj the one posted on his facebook page, looked ‘weird’. Heck no… I was just joking la and thank god that woman took it as a joke as well hehe…

Well, in cases like this, I wouldn’t just point my finger on the person who ‘seem’ to write comments that are directed a little towards the negative side, but I would also think that the one shouldn’t be posting any pictures without looking at the entire details and angle first… I mean, if he wanted to post a photo of little jj, do pick one that she’d look so adorable in it.

Yeah, yeah… him being him, he’d say that little jj looks adorable in ALL the photos hehe… daddy and his little girl… what else can I say.

Anyway, that is not the point. The point that I wanted to write in the first place is regarding things that are written here and how some people would take it.

See, I had posted one entry previously and the one pointed out one paragraph that may hit some sour notes in some people he knows. When I heard that, I quickly replied that it was a general statement and I know other people who does the same thing. I mean, come on… the majority of us would brush our teeth first before we bathe in the morning while some others would bathe before they brush their teeth – a simple example of similar things people go thru in a day.

I was blunt to point out to him that he shouldn’t be thinking of other people’s feelings when some people obviously did not even bother about his feelings.

I may sound like a broken record but I have always told the one that he is too nice of a guy… too nice that sometimes, people would just take him for granted, do whatever they like and expect him to be just a-okay with everything, forgive and forget. Yes, I know this is a noble trait and yeay, I got myself a really great guy. But, being there before myself, like more than 10 years ago, I’d hate it when he is treated as if he’s not important enough in an ‘important-enough’ friendship now, at a mature age of 30, with people acting so immaturely expecting him to suck it up maturely.

You think I am over-reacting? Well… I know someone who reacted even worse when something really small sorta plagued her husband. This is like how the Malay saying goes, ‘Cubit paha kiri, paha kanan terasa sakit juga’.

As a naturally protective person, I don’t think I am over-reacting. I am just concerned that the people I love don’t get hurt. Still, I believe life is full of wonderful experiences… one will go thru certain things before one sees something else in front of him/her. Life is forever a learning process.

And this is how it has always been in my blog. For those who has been reading me especially since I started blogging in 2005, you’d be familiar how I’d write things that matters to me and I’d express it in a way where it is like a reminder to me on how fragile life is. How fragile love is.

Sometimes, something will happen to someone else or even myself, and things that had happened to me even 10 years back will bring back intense feelings and I’d write it down. I think many people have written in to me on how much they could relate to many of the things I’ve written. I even have one request to put her story down in writing just so that others do not make the same mistake she did... but I never did write about it because I need to feel, in order to write since it will always come from the heart.

Talking about relating to things, I even felt so close to what the one wrote even before we met each other since he sorta wrote similar things that happened to me in the past as well. But I guess… those things evoke positive feelings to appear inside of me, for him, unlike that short para that I wrote which may bring about another bout of volcano eruptions with more exclamation marks to add.

I love him… and so, even with much objections to what he think will be perceived by some people, I took the paragraph out without much hesitation. I guess that showed respect.

I still think he deserved much more respect than what was given to him and I really think some people don’t deserve him, as a friend. Of course, I don’t think they’re such bad people but I guess, the environment, success and ignorance, change many people.

Oh… there I go again… expressing my deepest thoughts.

I can’t help feeling disappointed about what happened but that doesn’t mean that I would keep dwelling on it. I have so many other things happening in my life and I really do not have time for nonsense. Furthermore, they're not my friends to begin with. My only concern is the well-being of the people I love.

Therefore, I’d just like to reiterate the reason I write in here. As my blog title goes – I Shall Not Stop Writing. Especially not when I feel so strongly about something. It has always been that way since the first day I started blogging. Sometimes, you could even read similar stuff because that is how I feel at that point of time and it doesn’t mean that I am directing it to a specific person.

So… if in the future, there will be some topics or paragraph that may hit some nerves in some people, they are just a personal view of my surroundings and what I feel about it which would probably be just coincidental with what you may have gone thru. You can take it in a positive way or whichever way you like, I leave it to you because this blog wasn’t really intended to invoke love or hate to another… This is my space and I shall pen whatever I feel just like how many would just write whatever they feel in their space. At least, I put a lot of thought into what I write and not because I want drama in my life. Well, that, despite me being a drama queen at times (ahahhh...) ;)

Ahhh… with this finally thrown off my shoulders, I can now keep writing without putting serious limitations on my thoughts.

Now, to focus on other positive aspects… like the trip to Jakarta & Bandung in another few hours… Will update soon.

I have been extremely lazy with my updates. Since returning from our vacation, there has been way too many things to document and I just don’t know where to start…

All I can say is that the vacation was a much overdue one for me… my last break was in November 2007 when I was already in my very early pregnancy and didn’t even know it. From then on, it was work, work and work for me non-stop as compared to my usual habit of taking a short break twice a year from work.

I was afraid about the flight to London since I was all on my own… but my worries were unfounded as little jj behaved extremely well… of course, there would be those restless moments here and there, I mean who wouldn’t, right? Even an adult wouldn’t be able to sit still for a full 12 ½ hours flight. But she was alright… she slept when she’s supposed to, played on her own in her bassinet, sat in the bassinet nicely while I fed her the 2 meals given on board… and best of all, she let me ate peacefully when my meal came. There were not much interruptions from her except during those times she was awfully restless and I had to play Toy Story on the in-flight screen over and over again just so that she could focus on something instead of crying for no apparent reason.

The English lady sitting next to me praised at how well she behaved as compared to another baby further in front of us who wouldn’t stop crying at many intervals.

But, if you were to ask me to do it again, I might hesitate… I wouldn’t be twice lucky and I think that belief may be true since little jj gave us a whole lotta nightmare during the flight home… it was either that her daddy was present and she knew there was an extra set of hands to take care of her, or she was very insecure with the darkness throughout the flight (as the flight home was a night flight). She barely slept 2 hours in 2 occasions, but that was also contributed by that drug we got from her paediatrician for her to relax during the long haul flight. So, basically, all throughout the balance of 10 hours when she's awake, I could clearly hear her crying and screaming in daddy’s arms while all I could do was to get better quick - I fell sick immediately as I board the plane and my body temperature shot up in an instant. Everytime I felt better, I took her away from daddy and all she wanted to do was to hold on to me.

It was truly very tiring.

little jj's bad hair day - 10hours of crying, screaming and struggling

while sweating profusely once we touched down at KLIA

But, despite her usual nature of not trusting strangers and unfamiliar environment, she warmed up instantly to London’s cold air, was at ease at Eju & Muzzie’s (thank you, Eju and Muz!!... we can't thank you guys enough for that warm hospitality...) and allowed us to toughen her up by taking her out almost an entire day, every day thru the entire week of our stay… I fed her where ever we decide to take a rest from our journeys that she has somehow gotten used to being fed out of the comfort of her home instead of every time wanting her usual chair and that familiar environment at home.

little jj and abang noah, warming up with the battle

of the pacifier, just after we reached their home.

I guess that vacation somehow wasn’t just a good one for me but brought out the best in her as well.

For more details on our vacation, I would rather let little jj update her blog, yah ;D soon… she says ;P (update: little jj has updated her blog)

When we got home, I got busy with unpacking and doing the laundry in so many batches… there were those of the one’s from the pile at home, those from the trip, my clothes, little jj’s worn clothes and little jj’s new clothes. I practically only managed to finish everything in 4 days! It helped a lot that my parents were kind enough to volunteer taking care of the little munchkin that day we arrived so that we could all get our rest.

Then, there was cooking for little jj as her puree stock has either depleted or expired and so I turned to Annabel Karmel again for the next phase of puree recipes – 9-12 months.

As we all recovered from jet lag (with little jj affected the worst), I could only prepare them purees after 10pm with only 2 days to whip up her food as the home made chicken stock could only last for 48 hours in the fridge. With jet lag, and a baby who’s cranky all the time, coupled with bags and stuff strewn on the floor of our living room, cooking 2-3 types of food after 10pm was a chore for me. But, we’ve all lost weight from the amount of walking that we’ve done, and I just had to take that step so that we could stuff little jj back to her normal baby fatness (eheh!).

So… as you’re all always eager to see what I whipped for little jj, enjoy the photos….

First, there was that 'First spaghetti Bolognese' which I didn't manage to take any pictures since it was already after midnight when it was ready and I was dead tired. I only made one meal the first day due to tiredness...

Next was...

the result...

More to be made this week - which entails fish and lotsa vege...

This week has been a truly hectic one after such a remarkable time away with my soulmate… he’s just flown back to London this morning for another official meeting and I only wished I was able to stay back in London for another week and return home with him next Thursday. But, we all have our roles to play and one cannot be too dependent on something or someone.

That also came with the realisation of how things are really not permanent in life… one small step that looks so harmless could change a situation forever, if not for a long duration.

We all do what we could do and would have to be wary of our surroundings. That way, we do not take things for granted and hurt those we care about unintentionally. I guess sincerity should always be taken with a strict hint of caution and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly… I’ve always avoid being presumptuous in the many things I do but thru the journey, there will always bound to be mistakes. In the end, we either learn from that mistake and hope it will not repeat, or if we do not learn from it, repeat and face the consequences.

Life is too short to sweat about the little things. But for one who can be a perfectionist, we thrive for every little details. Sometimes, our details may not hit the notes of another person’s details so what should the outcome be, then?

Circumstances may sometimes blur the vision, preventing us from seeing clearly. In the end, I think some of my principles in life would definitely make me conscience free – to not rely on others and do what you must do for yourself even if that meant having to go thru trying times/suffer on your own… at least you know you don’t owe it to anyone but yourself... you'll come out a winner because you made it on your own and you don't need anyone to make you feel guilty since there are no reasons to pin you down. In that space of time, you could turn so arrogant for you are strong and powerful and I only hope that I don't forget to think before I act on something, if ever, I am in that position.

Oh well, life's like that... we learn, we move on, we fall, we get back up... and hope that the injury won't be so bad. But even then, we hope that the injury will heal quickly and the scars will remind us of what we did or what we didn't do. Reflect, and learn.

So... I will be away til end of next week, for an unintended vacation ;) well, it was a spur of a moment decision since the one mentioned that he 'might' attend a meeting in London sometime early next week. And, since the little one needs to be breastfed, we would naturally have to bring her along albeit madame having to fly solo to London as I couldn't get on the same flight with the one, since there's limited seats for those needing bassinets for their babies. Therefore, I'm leaving just half a day sooner...

Explaining to the little munchkin was so easy since he understood that little jj needs to be with me or I would definitely have left them both at home so that mommy and daddy could get one week of bliss hehe... hmmm... I guess that time will come, eventually.

I'm anxious, since it will be my first time flying on a long haul flight with a baby who can be a real toughie when she feels like it. One who's always cranky in unfamiliar environment and not afraid to let the whole world 'hears' how she feels... in fact, apart from my mom who once thought little jj had 'wind' due to her unusually loud and weird way of crying, another woman I met while queueing up at Jusco's earlier today, thought there was something wrong with little jj... like, seriously wrong ;P heh... seriously, being with her 24 hours a day, everyday, you wouldn't think anything weird from the way she cries - it's all drama :D

Anyways, with moi anticipating some difficulties to move around on the plane and having an impatient baby, I had packed her stuff and my stuff in a real organised way, each categorised and nicely packed in individual zip-lock plastic bags so that I do not have to scramble my way to find her bib or extra pants or jacket or whatever it is I'd need to find.

And... due to the limitations in carrying liquids and the fact that I'd need to be super-quick, the above are part of what I am carrying in my hand-luggage - cloth facial cleanser for that quick swipe to freshen up before landing; small packets of baby wipes for little jj (I could use it too to clean my hands); facial masks for that quick perk-me-up and hydration after that long hours (and only when little jj sleeps); mineral face powder so that I would look nicely made up without that cakey appearance after those long hours; and of course, disposable undies so that I could just throw away and have a fresh, clean new pair.

I'm so looking forward to shopping after working extra hard the last few weeks but I am especially ecstatic that we'll be meeting up with the one's best friends for life, Muz and Eju, and their little Noah.

So... the flight leaves in an hour's time... til then, wish me luck on the flight...