i shall not stop writing.

i haven't stopped writing although i may have kinda stopped touching personal issues in here. but i promise to keep updating in a more professional level HERE.

Showing posts with label Ask toughcookie. Show all posts

Quick and Easy Recipe in 7 min!

"I tertarik dengan your resipi sandwich that you posted some time ago. Do you have any other easy recipes that you can share? I need something new that I have not tried before..."

Toughcookie says:

Funny that this blog is almost turning into a foodie. But, yes, I do have a couple more easy and quick ones up my sleeves and since they are really my own recipes, I guess it won't hurt to share.

Well, actually, this one here isn't an entirely a Toughcookie original recipe. I have adapted it based on some basic stuff I learnt while preparing little jj's pureed stock a year ago (I think!) and added some other stuff to suit my taste buds. I've prepared this a number of times to the one and my little munchkin, and they both thought it was tasty, despite the one not truly fond of fish, particularly, salmon.

Yup, we all know that cooking fish is probably the easiest and quickest... and, I chose salmon because well, I love salmon ;). Little jj loves it too and I am so glad that she does because salmon is among the safest (lowest risk of mercury contamination from the sea), highest in protein and best sources of Omega 3 fatty acid (which is the best food for the heart and brain).

And so, during my lazy moments, I would take out a fish fillet and put everything else in the dish and I can either eat it just like that or have it with rice. But, since salmon is very filling, chances are, you don't need rice to go with it.

What you need: Salmon (250-300gms), broccoli florets, slices of carrots, 20gms unsalted butter, shredded cheese and milk (enough to fill around 2mm of the dish - very shallow).

Not in picture: You can even add cauliflower and plenty of onions. Since I love onions, I would only add them after it is cooked so that the onions bring out a more intense flavour...

zoom in: you can see crushed black peppercorns and the veges soaked in milk...

Put the dish into a microwave oven and it would be nicely cooked in less than 10 minutes under the highest microwave setting. Mine cooked in 7 minutes only :)

Preparation time: less than 10 min

Cooking time: approx 7 min

Effort: minimal

Taste: Priceless!!

After effect: Full tummy, happiness :)

You can add salt to taste and sprinkle on black peppercorns before or after cooking, whichever you prefer. It is also tastier if you add shredded cheese after the dish is cooked. I've even tried using soy milk as the shallow base and the dish turned out still very delicious. Be sure to have the milk spread evenly on the dish or your vegetables may turn out a little dry. If you'd like your veges to be fresh, add them only at the last 1-2 minutes of cooking time.

You can even try other types of fish. I've tried Flatfish (Ikan Sebelah) and Mackerel, and they turned out just fine. Oh, just one more thing, salmon does omit a strong fishy smell... so, if you like, you could squeeze some lime zest on top. I didn't because I only take lime in drinks or junk food, not cooked food.

Hope you'll like this as much as little jj and I do ;)

"... do you have any useful household tips that you can share in this column?"

Toughcookie says:

Thanks for asking me this question because I do have something I'd like to share concerning how we can make the most of an almost empty tube of beauty product. I don't know if you are already aware of this particular method because I think I got it either from the Martha Stewart show or Rachael Ray's... but I do think it may help enlighten many people because my family members would always give me that amazed stare whenever I do it. It's as if this particular method is so brilliant.

So, allow me to share.

I started doing this because I always felt that I haven't quite used up a tube entirely even when the products cannot be squeezed out anymore. Call me a scrimp if you like but I call it being efficient. I just hate wastage, especially when beauty products can be pretty expensive. So, the first step would be to cut off the top part of the tube using a pair of sharp scissors.

bear in mind that you should do this only when you're sure it's almost empty and that nothing can come out of the tube anymore when it is squeezed and flattened repeatedly.

Once the top part is cut off, it will be large enough for you to dip your finger into it and you could even swipe your finger on its walls to ensure that you've really used up the content.

I assure you, you would always be able to get at least one or two more application.

for this particular tube of clay masque, I was able to use it for another 4 times due to its thick content ;)

Just imagine if I hadn't done this and would simply throw away the 'empty' tube when there's plenty more in it. Yes, you may find that there'll be excess amount of cream/masque/cleanser/anything that comes in a tube and so, don't fret... you can either use a large paper clip or in my case, a piece of clothes peg did the trick to keep the content fresh for the next beauty pampering session :)

all the tubes around it will enjoy the same fate once they run out ;)

Did you find this interesting?

"....Can I get your views on marriage and relationship since you always write so much about it. I am getting married soon and of course scared a little after seeing so many friends already divorce. They always advise me on what I should and should not do when I get married but I would like to know what you think about how we can make a relationship work in a marriage..."

Toughcookie says:

First of all, I am no expert in this matter since I myself have only been married for 3 years. Yes, I do have an opinion on this issue but I would like to say that they might not work when only one party practices it because it takes two people in a marriage to work together to maintain a harmonious relationship, to honour and respect each other, to love and cherish one another, til death do them apart. Unfortunately, these things are scarce these days with people all wanting shortcuts and many prefer being non-confrontational, which sometimes lead to lack of communications and eventually scores of misunderstanding.

First of all, I would say, marry because of the love you have for each other - not because he could buy you a Beemer (although that would be a bonus, yes) or because he has a body like abang Vin Diesel, etc. When you love each other that much, you would do anything for one another.... you would work hard to create wealth to grow your family together, you would want to cook for the family even when you're dead tired after a long day at work and you would always want to do things together. That would create a happier environment and there isn't anything you can't face since both of you would support each other in times of need and be your pillar of strength when you need a shoulder to cry on.

With love, both of you will get far because you would always remember why and how you both got there in the first place and even when there are fights or misunderstanding at home (yes, there will always be these moments, definitely), the love you have for one another will bring you back to each other's arms.

If you marry because of money, you must know that wealth can just be taken away if one is not careful. I've seen how someone got married hastily for money but as soon as there was a financial crisis at home, she packed her bags and left the husband.

With love, you would take each other as is, accept their flaws no matter how much you complain about them and keep supporting each other for a better future together. Surely, love is just a feeling that can dissipate with time, if one is not careful. So, I guess, this is not an independent point and must work with other factors in a marriage.

Secondly, I strongly believe that the couple must both know and be fully aware of their responsibilities. The husband must be aware of his role as the leader of his family and the wife must realise that she is a wife no matter how much you want to fight for gender equality. When you have a sense of responsibility towards your family, I think most affairs and betrayal would be non-existent. That's why, I feel that women especially, must always get their husbands involved in raising their kids, not just by giving pocket money. There needs to be proper bonding activities like bathing the kids, tucking them to bed at night, reading them stories, going swimming, etc. If you don't have kids, get your husband involved in some decision-making process relating to the house or the vacation and stuff like that which involves the two of you. I know some men dislike these things but that's probably because they've never tried it or prefer the easy way out since women can be quite manipulative sometimes as they'd want their other half to agree to everything they've decided.

With the sense of responsibility, both parties will have a sense of belonging at home and towards each other and it makes things more convenient for the couple. When you know what you're supposed to do at home or for your partner, you will realise that they are always on your mind - like what they would like to have for lunch/dinner, that you would think hard before you decide anything so that you will consider your partner's likes and dislikes. I think so la...

With sense of responsibility, you can prevent one from taking their partner for granted and simply think that everything will fall in place eventually, without even putting any efforts in the relationship. That's the mistake many couples make - to think that a marriage is like the end destination after the courtship and years of dating. The thing is, it isn't the end... in fact, it is just the beginning of life-changing moments.

To me, the fact that you've decided to get married in the first place, you are ready to take on a bigger responsibility. It isn't like fashion where it's something you have to get and wear. It is a huge task of two people working their way up and looking forward to what's in store for the future without being held up by what they missed from those days of singledom.

You have to take actions in your life and being responsible will ensure that your family is well cared for.

Then, the next point would be to hone your listening skills and be patient. Accept the fact that no one is perfect, not even you. Staying with each other for the rest of your lives would be a perfect formula to boredom if you don't listen to the needs of your partner. There will always be new things for you to discover about your partner because humans evolve through time... I used to like blue back then but I no longer favour the colour. Things change and both of you must learn to listen and adapt. You can't assume that things will be the same for the next 30 years and you'd need to be patient if you expect some things to change for the better. This, is also a reminder for myself, actually... because patience has never been my strongest virtue.

I also think that family should always come first. You'd need to learn to prioritise. Just because you're busy at work, that doesn't mean that your family must always understand you and your busy-ness. You'd be surprised at how many of your colleagues who would secretly admire that family-man or family-woman trait in you if you'd always put family before work. I am not saying that you don't need to work. I am just saying that you must prioritise... time/manage your work properly so that you'd be able to return home by dinner or stuff like that. Because like it or not, an employer will not be with you in times of need but your family will. Don't put off that vacation with your other half because you feel that no one else in this world can do that project except you... and you don't have to feel the need to be popular with the entire world when you sacrifice being popular with your own family.

Most importantly, I think, we'd need to throw away our egos when dealing with our most beloved soulmate. Egos always get in the way of everything. Yes, I agree that at times, it does help to display some egoistic tendency simply because we deal with another human. And being human, we always tend to forget things. Things are easily forgotten. Though that hardly applies to me (because I remember everything... haha!) I find that people consciously practice being amnesiac. It's the best defense system if they suddenly realised they've lost a little bit of the 'being responsible' factor or other factors for that matter.

As much as I think there are many other factors to what can make a marriage work til the end, I just feel that these are the most important ones that you simply have to get it tattooed on your heart. Only then, and constantly reminding yourself of who you are and what you'r supposed to do, can possibly make a marriage work for the longest time. I think....

All the best in your next adventure and don't easily give up.

"Would like to ask your opinion on this matter. These 2 friends I have (married couple) are in the middle of a divorce. The husband is asking us friends to take sides while the wife is always calling us up to cry her heart out. I am sandwiched in the middle because I am close to both of them and I hate to see them do this to each other. What I hate even more is that I have to choose to be friends with only one of them when we have been close friends for more than 10 years. Can you tell me what I should do? I love them both but I don't agree with what they are doing. I would like to remain by their side through this rough time but I feel like I would be betraying one friendship if I am helping the other one. Is this normal?"

Toughcookie says:

First of all, I don't think I should be telling you what you should do because for one, I hardly know you or your friends, and I do not know the depth of the situation. But, I recall of a similar instance which I had faced before and I shall share with you what I did, although it may not be the best answer to your qualms.

Friendship is very important to me especially when friends were always there for me. However, when it comes to a marriage, no one really knows what truly happened in a crisis. Most of the time, I feel that it is always a "He says vs. She says" situation. You hear one side and you gather this information and then you hear the other side and you gather another information. Both stories can be so out of this world but they stick to their story. They may be true, they may be not... they may even be an exaggeration of what actually happened because seriously, I think that when one is so adamant about leaving their partner, they would say whatever it takes to convince themselves that they are right. Note that I said - to convince themselves.

The friends that I was close to before were the perfect couple everyone wanted to emulate. They're both gorgeous, have strong careers and handsome children. It was a shock to everyone in the circle when we were told of their impending divorce and that they were already separated. What shocked me more was the way everything was handled.

I was closer to the guy before but I dunno, being a woman myself, I somehow have more empathy towards the woman. This is because in many many (note that I said many, not all) instances, men, no matter how nice of a person they are, always suck when it comes to dealing with a divorce. We'll see the worst of them and how magnified their egos can be. Heck, even if they have never played an active role in raising their little kids, they would nevertheless fight for the custody of the children because of spite. I've seen how the dad would just leave his kids in the care of his mom and not really bothered about the kids, and he did it because he knew the ex would be crushed without the kids. And I asked, what happened to all the love they had for each other...

The thing is, in matters like this, friends hardly question what goes on behind everything. We'd be more inclined to listen to one side and believe whatever we've seen or heard. In gatherings among friends, everyone would just talk bad about the former partner and only one or two of us would question things that do not tally.

To me, when it comes to a troubled marriage, both are at fault. There must be something that triggered such a massive decision. It may just be a small matter like the wife has been fat after giving birth or bigger problems like betrayal of trust. Everyone is just selfish these days and that they want a quick solution. The thing is, issues take time to resolve and if both are committed to the vows they've made to each other, they would have helped each other through thick and thin. And I am talking about normal issues here... not those where the spouse has been physically abused or stuff like that, ya.

I felt that the wisest thing to do was to leave them alone. Let them settle their dispute on their own because for one thing - they are adults with brains that are 100% functional. Yes, they may feel down and all but the problem lies with the both of them. It is unfair to make friends take sides especially since you've been friends with both of them. Let them think on their own. Sometimes, friends do not help calm the situation... when some start to take sides, the situation can get even worse because everyone starts adding more information and what was a small issue that can be ironed out, become bad because egos flare and everyone wants to win.

I believe that EVERY problem has a solution and it takes a calm and mature person to think rationally without anyone budding in. Like I said, no one really knows what went on in their marriage and it is totally unfair for us to just take in one side of the story.

You can be sympathetic to what they're going through and still remain by their 'side'. If any of them need help say in looking for a new place to stay or financial support, it is up to you to assist them in this time of need. You don't have to participate in bashing sessions and just be frank about not wanting to get involved in their marriage woes.

In any matters, I just do not believe that it is worth getting myself involved in others' marriage crisis. More often than not, the matters will eventually be resolved with or without you. You can be a good listener if you want, but if that makes you feel like you're betraying the other person, you can either make them understand your firm view on this matter or you could let them face this on their own until they're much calmer and more rational.

One day, they will have to understand that you are a person with principles, you're actually being a good friend by not making things worse and that they were stupid enough to not be able to deal with their own issues without getting others involved. I did just that and although the friendship was never the same again, I never regretted my decision.

There will always be repercussions in everything you do. It depends on you and what's more important to you.

As I've mentioned in my brief post yesterday, I shall be wearing a fake "Chef" hat for the enquiry that I am featuring in this week's Toughcookie Thursdays. I am not very sure if the question is a test to what I can feature in this column or that this person sincerely thought I could help her. So here goes...

"Dear TC,
Every morning I kena bangun awal to prepare bekal for my husband to bring to office. He's always busy working and asked that I prepare something simple for him. I suka he likes me to prepare home cooked meal but I am starting to feel that I should prepare something healthy for him. You rasa boleh tolong suggest something good and tak susah nak prepare tak?"

I like this question because I always love a healthy meal, simply because I hardly exercise and that as a wife and mom, it is my duty to encourage a healthy diet in the family. Plus, since being at home forces me to be creative with the food that I prepare, I have come up with something simple, healthy, yet tasty and very quick to prepare. As you didn't specify what your husband likes to eat, I am going to answer your question based on my understanding on what you're looking for - a healthy fix that's easy to make.

Firstly, the ingredients... it is good to have these items in check as they totally would make preparing easier and the end product, tasty too...

clockwise from most left: triple washed salad, loaf of bread, sweet relish, mayonnaise, aluminium foil, turkey/chicken toast and cheese :)

I would suggest using the triple washed salad (there is a 7-leaf type and a 12-leaf type) because you do not need to wash them. Just cut off the packet, pull out them leaves and they're ready to eat. And if you're an environmental-friendly person, you may want to just use a food container instead of the aluminium foil. I like aluminium foil as it makes things easier for your husband so that he does not need to clean up the food container and then forget to bring it home...

As for the chicken/turkey toast, you can find them around the meat/chicken section of the supermarket. They come sliced in a frozen pack and they are ready to eat cold.

Spread the aluminium foil and place bread at the center.

Take out some leaves from the packet of salad and squeeze out some mayo. If you want a healthier choice, you may want to get the light version of mayo or you can even skip this step entirely because I can assure you, it tastes just as good without mayo.

Place chicken toast (or you can choose turkey for a healthier choice) and put some sweet relish on top of it for a sweet mild sour-y taste. I love how it complements the salty taste of mayo and cheese. Just a little will do.

I would skip this too if you think cheese is fattening. But then again, you can choose a low-fat version because I still think the calcium content outweighs everything else.

Andd... you're done! Wrap it up nicely...

Now, for some useful tips to keep it quick and easy, and also paying attention to details to keep the romance going ;P

What I'd do with the chicken/turkey toast after bringing them home from my grocery shopping is to layer them one-by-one with baking paper (you can get them in rolls packed just like the aluminium foil and microwave plastic sheets). Baking paper will prevent the slices from sticking to each other. Therefore, just in case you had forgotten to take them out from the freezer the night before and don't have time to defrost them, you can just separate them nicely from each other, hassle-free! Furthermore, the frozen slice would help maintain a low temperature for the salad and by lunch time, the sandwich would be just perfect...

This is something I'd like to do for my loved ones... you can pack the sandwich inside these cute plastic bags and seal them with lovely stickers. It may look childish to you but you would be surprised how your hubby would secretly appreciate this cute gesture.... oh, don't forget some paper napkins for him too.

Here, is a sticker that says, "Made with love". You could even get your hands on some white rectangular sticker for labels that you can just imprint your lips with your sexiest lipstick colour and walah... your husband shall smile and think of you while he has this healthy and tasty meal made especially for him.

If you have more time to prepare, you could even add onions and slices of tomatoes into the sandwich but it could be a little messy for him to eat when he wants a quick bite.

So, there you go... simple, quick, healthy and easy. Some may say it's a lazy way of doing things but hey... if there's a simpler way to create something healthy and tasty, and your loved ones are not picky about what they want to eat, I say, this is a meal made with love...

P/S: The 'recipe' and tips are as original as can be, as they are concocted from simple common sense on love, family, health, etc. If you've seen someone else do exactly like the methods above, it may either be a strange coincidence or the person is as smart, loving and considerate like Madame Toughcookie ;P

Need more energy for tonight.

Due to Toughcookie Thursdays, I have received much more enquiries than I had ever gotten... no longer are people sharing their views on matters of the heart or those pertaining to breastfeeding but I have also started to wear hats that say, "Information Counter", "Shopping Consultant" and recently, "Technical Consultant", among others hehe...

I had a long long day yesterday and was terribly lethargic in the evening. I think I may have over exert myself since I swam so diligently the night before but slept only after midnight as I was trying to finish up work and that swimming always gave me a boost of energy after a nice warm shower. Therefore, I guess I may have used up too much energy when I should have taken it slow and easy.

Woke up early yesterday to attend a cooking class I so wanted to go and I came home slumped. I'll write more of it later. Suffice to say that a rigorous swim after not exercising for 2 years plus being on my toes for 4-5 hours cooking, totally drained me, but in a good way.

So, for tomorrow, I shall be wearing a fake "Chef" hat for Toughcookie Thursdays which doesn't involve anything I learnt yesterday ;P

And tonight, I shall embark on my new fitness regime for the second time and I am so hoping that it'll stop raining (if it does) before 9pm *oh please please pretty please*

"...so many things have been happening at work and the urge to quit working to be a SAHM is getting stronger. The only thing is I am afraid I will not be able to sustain my lifestyle if I just stay home and take care of the kids. How do I start a business? I need to work something out, so that I can generate some income while staying home with the kids. I get so jealous reading about your experience working at home and seeing your children grow up in front of you."

Toughcookie says:

First of all, the grass always look greener on the other side. Before you make such a decision, why don't you try it for at least a month or two. This is because, many SAHM have told me that they hate looking at themselves at home as they no longer have 'ME' time. A handful of working moms who've tried being a SAHM had also admitted to me that getting out of the house to work is like an escapism for them... they can be more relaxed outside of the house rather than screaming at the top of their lungs day in day out dealing with their kids and they are also able to go for coffee breaks and long lunches while gossiping or shopping without the kids clinging to their pair of legs.

As for me, I had always thought of myself a successful career woman. But I guess, I do feel burnt out after working hard every single day since the day after my final exams in Uni. Lucky me, I have a husband who works in an organisation with sufficient medical coverage for our family and I guess that was part of the encouraging factor for me to pursue taking a break for at least 6 months after the baby was born, or so I thought.

Well, frankly, I love being at home because my work required me to work long hours... and I had to travel at least a week of every month. I couldn't see myself separating from the family and truthfully, I became lazy ever since I found a man who pampered me the way no other man did. So, making that decision was not very difficult.

During the initial stage, though, you'd somehow feel a little inferior about yourself especially if you have friends who've kinda made it in their career. I found that I had to explain to people that I used to head a department in a public listed company (and made sure I emphasised that the department held responsibilities at 'group' level) just so that I would be taken more seriously and not be perceived negatively as a tai tai. Of course, I realised I am out of this inferiority stage as I no longer felt the need to tell an old friend whom I recently bumped into of this fact when she raved about how a former classmate is now a manager of a private limited company. So, I guess one would need to go through this initial stage until it wears off.

Initially too, as much as I liked how we were leading our life, there were many decisions that we needed to make especially in terms of our financials in order for us to lead an 'easy life'... what I meant by 'easy life' is a life that's not filled with so much debt just because we want to 'look good' all the time. Therefore, we needed to make some sacrifices so that I could still do some bits of shopping for the kids every now and then, that we could still enjoy eating out at the places we love to hang out and we made sure there's some emergency stash for well... emergencies.

As for you sustaining your current lifestyle, I can vouch that your expenses on yourself will slow down immensely when you've stopped working. I am not sure about the majority of SAHM's out there but I have spoken to some friends of mine who shared the same view - that they didn't need to shop that much anymore since they're always in their t-shirts and sweatpants. For me, I didn't feel that I needed to look smashing all the time, I hardly wear make up unless I'm out with the one and I've been wearing my very comfy pregnancy shoes almost everywhere I went. Of course, nowadays I do make it a point to look good because one year of staying chubby and plain became a little boring to me :) but I am still wearing them shoes from Scholl because they are so comfortable! So, when I think of this, yes, you'd be making some sacrifices in the beginning but things will turn out well in time... I believe so :)

I think when you've decided such a thing - to stop working, you must talk this over with your other half on what he expects out of you and what you both are willing to compromise. It can be a little depressing at times when you feel like there's no other way to cut yourself into 10 parts and still be useful to your family but all that can go away when you have a supportive and understanding partner. A lot of people think this SAHM is an easy peasy role (some even think it's a no brainer!) and it can get a little challenging having to explain how tiring it can be (and sometimes even worthless to get into this argument with people) so, it helps if your other half does not think of it that way and thinks of you as a strong contributor to the family.

As for doing business, what is it that you like to do? It's no point getting into a business for the sake of doing business. Doing something you like can ensure its sustainability and viability. It won't be a smooth start but your passion will keep it going, while you maintain your priorities to your family. All I can say is that the possibilities are endless. Once you're out of the rat race, your mind will think of stuff you'd never think of. Some people say my optimism is due to my business-minded nature. Truthfully, I was never business-minded but the fact that I would like to have my own pocket money to spend as I like, the mind starts to get very creative all the time and you'll see plenty of things as an opportunity to make money. Well... you'll think of something....

Sometimes, things will not turn out the way you planned and I don't think one should be very rigid. At first, I bought a sewing machine and an edging machine to start a sewing project but the projects never got through and I found myself doing writing and translation jobs for old contacts. I even took some part time sewing lessons just so that I keep myself abreast with the latest technology, techniques and tools to start up a tailoring business but as it turned out, the person who impart her sewing knowledge to me became one of my clients ;)

Therefore, one will never know what one's potential is in business until one starts doing something. Just do something and open your eyes and mind to any possibilities.

I hope my explanation is satisfactory to you and I wish you all the best of luck. It all boils down to how determined you are and you can start finding out if you are going to be happy staying home by taking small steps at a time. One shouldn't be hasty about taking this big step especially if you're so used to working. However, I do think that as much as being a SAHM can be pretty tiring, frustrating at times and not a glorified job, the non-monetary benefits do make me feel extremely happy and highly rewarded. Don't give up that easily when times are hard and it always helps to keep a positive mind.

There are 2 questions that I shall answer today at one go as they're similar in nature.

Question from Mel: Care to share ur action plan (on weaning baby off bm)? Start from 'A' please... Am up to my eyeballs with it oredi and trying to wean b4 Shifa turns 3 in another 3 mths.

Question from Natni: I'm slowly weaning him off... so far mcm ok, but he refuses formula... and bottle... nak minum pakai straw or the tumbler with straw tu. Dunno why he doesn't like bottle and formula. Now i'm giving him the flavoured dutch lady (the grape one)... and we call it "cow" since ada gambar cow on the bottle... hahaha! What formula are you giving her? Maybe I can try and see if Danial suka ke tak. At the moment, Danial kinda like the grape flavoured drink (but tak suka the rest like the strawberry/orange/tutti frutti) only at the moment.

Toughcookie says...

First of all, I would like to say, kudos to moms who breastfeed. It can be difficult enough for moms at home let alone those who have to work in an office and find time to express milk.

I think many of us moms have always been informed on the benefits of breastfeeding. There are so many sites that promote breastfeeding but there are only a handful who would give you a proper guidance on weaning off babies from breastfeeding.

I dislike general statements like, "Oh, they'll wean off when you start having your menses" or "They'll wean off eventually" and stuff like that. I've tried many tricks from the numerous advise I got but none worked on little jj. And looking at the many emails I received over the last 12 months from breastfeeding moms (the majority of them who are working), they cite that weaning off is harder than they thought. I am grateful, though, that little jj is weaning off on her own but not without any efforts put in by the one and I.

I really believe that breastfeeding moms need a very supportive husband. This is so important because the baby would cling on only mommy and not daddy. Your husband must not give up on the baby and you as a mom, must also play your part in allowing trust (and space!) for your husband to deal with the baby. I find that many of us women would prefer the easy way out and deal with the baby alone without considering what our other half feels and what they can contribute in this relationship if only they are given a chance. Well, I can only say this on dads who prefer to participate actively in bringing up their kids, though...

So, what we did was to persuade little jj to drink formula almost every night after she turned one. The one would prepare it in all sorts of containers and mugs, using bottle and straw - we've tried it all. It is well known that breastfed babies prefer the straw rather than drink from the bottle (just as Natni cited her Danial's preference) and I think Natni should continue feeding him his favourite flavoured milk since Danial is ok with that. Hopefully, he'll graduate to those milk more suitable for his age group sooner or later, slowly but surely.

After little jj turned 1, the one consistently gave her the formula and let her drink it. Of course, she would reject every single bottle/mugs/etc. every night but we persevered. Yes, we would waste plenty of milk because she would probably only take one or two gulps and she'd push away the bottle/containers. But, through that pattern, we identified the types of formula that she'd drink more and the types that she'd totally reject.

Through this step, we discovered that she wouldn't immediately reject Pediasure Chocolate flavour. So, we bought the smallest size and as every other night, the one would make one small bottle using just one scoop and we'd let her hold the bottle.

One fine day probably almost 2 months ago, upon waking up from sleep, she played with the bottle from the night before (I fell asleep and forgot to wash the bottle) and somehow the motherly instincts in me told me that I should do up a fresh bottle for her. I made 2 scoops of milk, and let her hold it. She played with the bottle, swayed it around and before we knew it, she took out the cap and drank it all in while standing up, watching Playhouse Disney! Oh my, I was damn proud of her...

So, I guess in this case, the trick would be:

1. To not force your baby if she doesn't want formula. By forcing the bottle on her, she would totally reject it as she associates drinking formula a negative experience.

2. To be persistent in our efforts. One shouldn't give up too easily.

3. Hubby must assist wife in this because when the baby is near mommy, she would smell mommy's milk and immediately storm for delicious boobies.

4. It probably helps that the formula is delicious, with chocolate flavour. Who knows in time, your baby would develop preference to other types of milk. For now, we're sticking to this brand.

Now, little jj only drank 2 bottles a day, day and night with 2 scoops of Pediasure while the rest of the time, she was breastfed. After 2 weeks, she drank 3 scoops, 3 times a day and still breastfed before bedtime. After a month, we could already feed her formula when we're out shopping or even after her classes at Kizsports. So, no more breastfeeding in public. By now, she no longer clings on to me or hung on to me when she's bored or tired. I think this is such a healthy development as her self-confidence increased and she would explore everything else at her gym class without constantly looking over her shoulders and storms at me for comfort.

By one month of this development, I took another step by trying out an advise I got from an acquaintance who's daughter is little jj's classmate at Kizsports. Now this may sound too radical but I did it for little jj's benefit.

Apparently, this is a sure win as the mom is separated from her baby at every bedtime. Only bedtime. Now this is when your very supportive husband plays his role to the max as the baby would at first cry for mommy. The thing is with babies, they're smart fellas. They know when you'll melt and how they can win everyone's attention with their cuteness and blaring volume. But one just have to persevere. After all, she's well fed at dinner and she's drank a bottle of milk after dinner... after a month of only breastfeeding once a day I could see that she only needed comfort sucking in order to sleep, and not really a drink.

Therefore, the one would get ready a large bottle of plain water for her to drink when she needs that comfort sucking and I will not sleep with her in the same room so that she will not smell the scent of milk on me. Daddy would just let her cry, soothe her and give her the confidence that daddy is there with her even if mommy is not and she would eventually fall asleep. This needs to be done repeatedly.

So far, it has been working well for us all and the one is tremendously happy too because little jj now clings on him even more. For me, I am very happy because she sleeps through the night! :D

I am not sure if this will work on Mel's Shifa who's reaching 3 years soon because she is considered a big girl already and probably could tell the difference between formula and mommy's milk but I know this may benefit Danial. Still, it wouldn't hurt to try. Even if your husband cannot help you in this department, you could always rely on a trusted family member to sleep with Shifa just to separate her from you at bedtime.

As for Natni, little jj's paed also told us to try that - giving milk from milk cartons but we weren't successful. As long as Danial's ok with that, I think you could give him that comfort in knowing that he's doing alright. After awhile, you probably would want to try taking out the contents out of the milk carton into his favourite tumbler or even the milk bottle if you like. I guess once he's able to understand his environment, he may be more accepting to your ideas instead of you having to adhere to his. But I guess that's the beauty about having a baby... it's for us parents to realise how difficult it is for our parents to take care of us when we were younger, for us to be more humble in discovering that there are so many other things in life that brings us joy (other than material stuff) and the ability to be patient and deal with our situation accordingly.

I hope you find this very helpful especially to those of you who have exhausted everything else in the process of weaning their babies off breastmilk.

Come share your views.

Tanya beskotkeras/Ask toughcookie,

I received plenty of inquiries on matters pertaining to breastfeeding/managing self and family/matters of the heart/etc. which got me to thinking that I really should put up those questions I got and make it a regular column. What do you think?

The first question to be answered will be posted on Thursday and I think I would like to make it a regular Thursday column.

I may not be a specialist on the issues at hand but since many have asked for my views and thoughts about the situations you are facing or even current issues that you'd like to discuss, I thought it may be a good way to share it with everyone here so that everyone else can also give their input for us to see things in a bigger picture.

Rules:

All issues/concerns to be emailed to me at toughcookee@gmail.com;
All issues highlighted in here shall be edited accordingly to protect the identity of the sender and issues at hand, whenever necessary;
Issues will be picked according to my discretion as not all emails will get published;
Sensitive matters shall be treated with great care and as much as I try to be fair in my views, I shall not be held responsible for any consequences or results from the choices you make after my views/comments have been posted;
You must understand that this is just an avenue as a form of discussion and not a place to seek for the right answer. There are no right or wrong answers in here and those seeking for advise should use their own discretion/judgement for the choices or/and decisions that will be taken;
Readers commenting on the issues are advised to be tactful when giving their views. I will delete any rude comments/comments with vulgarities or inappropriate usage of words;
My views may not necessarily reflect on my beliefs in life but more on what I feel at that point in time regarding the issues highlighted to me;
My views are given to you because you seek my opinion. I shall be frank and straightforward in my views;
Inquiries can be in BM or English;
More rules shall be posted as and when necessary, according to the varying needs as this column moves along with time.

Hmmm... all thanks to Ros, for giving me this idea ;)

i shall not stop writing.

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Tanya beskotkeras/Ask toughcookie,

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