i haven't stopped writing although i may have kinda stopped touching personal issues in here. but i promise to keep updating in a more professional level HERE.
Posted by toughcookie | Sunday, April 18, 2010
It’s no joke. Some would complain after they complete their confinement period for the lack of privacy and inability to go on romantic dates alone with their husbands. For me and the one, it is probably 2 years since our last alone time together.
I guess it all lies in the fact that I was misinformed about some of the facts on the benefits of breastfeeding. And since I have been working from home, I have been always available and present at little jj's beck and call. That contributed to her totally rejecting milk in bottles and it caused her to be totally dependent and overly clingy on me.
It all got to quite a critical stage where I couldn’t have my proper rest and the one couldn’t even touch her, let alone contribute to any fatherly efforts like tucking her to bed. It would have been a very stressful situation if not for a very supportive husband and I guess he also appreciated the fact that he didn’t have to wake up for the night feeds at all (eheh!).
We had our ‘trial’ date during the one’s annual dinner when little jj was around 8 months old. I did an ‘induction course’ for her to get more familiar with atuk and nenek and in turn, like them. But you know, the fact that she didn’t even want anyone else to hold her then except for when daddy bathed her, I kind of expected that my dinner with him would be a short one.
We had the whole troop in our apartment (I was supposed to send her to atuk’s house but she cried non-stop there!) – atuk, nenek, abang, even her favourite cousins, Qilah and Nina, to play with her, entertain her and keep her occupied, while I quietly left the apartment and headed towards KL. The one was already waiting for me at the hotel and we had such a wonderful time chatting over cocktail. It felt like we were dating those years before being married. We talked the way we haven’t been able to since the arrival of little jj and we laughed the way we haven’t laughed, since little jj came into the world (I mean, laughing freely without having to control our volume...) ;)
As you can read here, I got a call around 9.30pm or so, just after we had dinner and I could clearly hear little jj’s loud cry in the background. Yes, she would do that even to daddy, then. My mom was terribly worried because it has been an hour since she didn’t stop crying and especially because little jj broke in heavy sweats that she wanted to take little jj to the clinic (hiks)! I told her that there’s nothing to worry about because yes, she sweats when she cries her lungs out and I got ready to leave the hotel. The one continued to stay on and told me to drive safely.
When I arrived half an hour later speeding my way through KL traffic, she was still crying out loud. I expected her to fall asleep while crying but apparently, she had waited for me to come home. Imagine to our amusement, she stopped immediately when she saw me home and she was laughing and playing about, all looking okay like nothing was wrong hehe…
So, yeah, that trial date totally didn’t work out the way we had hoped. And from then on, we never tried until end of last month when the one’s annual dinner made its way again. This time, little jj was around 20 months old and she has made plenty of positive progress because firstly, she has learnt to socialise from those weekly classes at Kizsports and secondly, she had just started to openly accept milk in the bottle. And that second point helped immensely when I was at my busiest that month, and having to attend meetings at night as frequent as three times a week. In those busy-ness, I was impressed at her confidence that she didn’t even seem to miss my absence when I once arrived home after 11pm.
I guess all that, plus the almost daily trips to nenek and atuk’s house after picking abang up from school, made her feel right at home there. Although she still needs time to warm up before atuk and nenek could even hug or kiss her, she no longer cried there and that gave me a chance to leave her with nenek when those rare need arise for me to attend serious meetings during the day.
But but but… the test would be the 2nd annual dinner that I would be attending with the one and we were both worried. She has never been without her mommy and daddy at night and I cringed to think what other tricks she has up her sleeves. I treat everything as sensitive so that the night could be a perfect one for us… and we were so happy to note that she totally passed the acid test! We arrived to pick her up around 11pm and she didn’t even cry. The entire house was dark because nenek wanted her to sleep but she went to doing her own stuff there and hugged me tight in joy when she saw me. Of course with mommy at her side, she didn’t feel that she needed to be friendly with atuk and nenek anymore ;P
Now, my mom had always made it clear to us (her children) that she never had any desires to take care of her grandchildren (especially babies) and that we were all responsible for our own children. But I guess, since she saw how much effort I put in raising little jj all on my own, and the fact that this little one is hard to please, it was probably a great sense of achievement for her when little jj accepts her and allows nenek to feed her/play with her. Of course, as always, I wouldn’t want to take advantage of my mom's willingness to babysit and that 2nd dinner we attended was cut short in order for us to next time ask for this kind of favour from her when we feel the need to have ‘alone’ time together.
As little jj has always been pretty unpredictable, I am again, keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow… as we both will embark on our FIRST date after around 2 YEARS! Unfortunately, since it is a school day for our little munchkin, we may not be able to stretch tomorrow’s date for too many activities… so, we’re only making time for a romantic night at the movies where I am sure, dinner is included in the pitch darkness of the cinema. But that is romantic too, right? Hehe…
We used to catch a movie every other week those days but I am glad that we’re both not too demanding with the expectations that everything should be the same as it was before. Raising a family needs some sacrifices and what do you know… the time has finally came for us to finally go out again together.
Life always works its way to your advantage but you just wouldn’t know when that will happen. So, despite everything, I am glad that we're both extremely patient with little jj's quirks for us to appreciate what we could do again, tomorrow. So here’s hoping for more positive developments from now on, eh ☺
Do wish us luck, and for little jj to behave well with atuk & nenek, ya.