Timid Mouse No More...

When Friday comes, I would always get super duper excited about little jj's kiddy-gym session for the next morning... I mean, compared to the super timid, super unacceptance of unfamiliar people (including atuk & nenek!), uber princess-ey to the point of being too cautious to even step down a 1" split level that she was before, the classes at Kizsports and the wonderful teachers there helped transformed her into a more boisterous toddler who's so open to try out new things. Yes, she's still not very friendly to people she doesn't see every day but at least she's more daring. I especially love the new things and new habits that she's developed that makes everyday such a sweet sweet day that comes and goes waaay too fast.

And although she is super unfriendly to her nenek and atuk, their undying love and unwavering efforts to win her heart have seen positive results... well, at least when mama is not around ;P

Those cute cute gestures in the way she warms our heart and her cheekiness in making sure we'll melt upon seeing her laugh and talk nonsense, had thwarted the one in his steps earlier this morning. He was almost ready for work when little jj got out of bed, stretched her hands up to reach out for daddy, so that daddy would pick her up and hold her for as long as possible. And for that, little jj made daddy stay home today to spend as much quality time with her because she is so irresistible in our eyes and to appreciate all the little gestures that she's displaying.

Anyways, things have been going on pretty swell for us so far. For me, work has been continuous. It was a mad mad dash for tight multiple deadlines especially when I missed 2 days when we got the baby that we were supposed to adopt. I had spent a little too much time with the preparations for the arrival of the baby, like making up the new room and picking up those involved that I actually risked my work reputation. But I guess as they say, with faith, good things'll happen and I thank god for protecting me... it was a strange coincidence that the client fell sick and later on was too busy to check the documents that were given to me that they actually gave me a one week extension for that particular project.

But... when one project gets delayed, all the other stuff gets affected by the domino effect.

Still, all are manageable and eventually, things are getting back to normal. In fact, in between getting things done this week, I had managed to slot in two needle work for 2 separate attires that I am wearing to 2 different events... I managed to spruce up a dress I got for the one's salsa-themed dinner by adding bits of sequins and beads just to make the dress a little more elegant under ballroom lights and I am still not done with the beadwork for a kebaya that I'll be wearing as emcee for an event early April.

With all these juggling things around, I received a call from a headhunter on Wednesday who asked me whether I'd like to return to the corporate world. Now this is a question that I've always dread to answer, simply because I have never really been that firm in my future plans. All I know is that my earlier intention when little jj was born, was for me to take a 6 months break. However, the 6 months have stretched to almost 2 years now and I am not sure why I should be looking back.

With whatever that I have been doing, I am happy to note that I have been re-acquainted with a treasured friend, whom I thought I have lost contact so long ago, due to some stuff that were happening in her life. Although I never really know the truth of the situation, I know she always have this special spot in my heart and I am glad that business has re-connected us. The fact that I'm on my own allows me to think out of the box, without much constraints and I am free to explore opportunities and get in touch with many wonderful people.

I am happy where I am now. I have the flexibility to work at my own pace while at the same time able to look after my children on my own... I know where the eldest is, I could send him to school and pick him up from school... I know what my kids are eating and I could add in activities with them in between. But... there's this space inside of me that's still opening that gate of possibilities to be attached back to the corporate world although ironically, when given that opportunity a few months ago, I backed out at the last minute as I was sure that I was shown 'signs' against it. Now, why am I still having that gate open?

I guess when I think long and hard about this, I am probably leaving my options open only because we humans are never really satisfied with our achievements... "the grass is greener on the other side", they say and it probably looks so glamourous to be known in the industry. But the truth is, I believe I really already have a firm answer, although I am finding it hard to tell people that I do not wish to go back to the jungle. Never say never, they say.

So, yeah. That's it.

And in all good things that's happening within the week, it is quite a relief to finally get news of payment for services rendered more than 6 months ago. In this business, you would come across parties like this but for this job, the depth of work involved and the fact that the business relationship was built on a long-term friendship, it was pretty disappointing to note that the other party was manipulating my considerate nature.

In this case, I think I don't agree with the saying that goes something like you need to see good things in people for people to see goodness in you because life doesn't always work that way. Firstly, the other party may not use their 'coconut' like you do and secondly, you would easily get taken advantage of. Yes, it is nice to only see the positive side of things but to what extent?

I find that many people (or at least, a handful of people around me) are prone to amnesia. Within the last few weeks, I was unfortunate to come across these people who easily forget what they promised earlier and how they beg in order to get help in the first place. I mean, when one is desperate, it is so easy to promise things and it is so easy for people to say things according to what they think you want to hear. It is such a surprise that these people do not have conscience nor guilt only to cover up their arse.

To me, I say, be frank in the first place so that things can be ironed out the simplest way possible for the best outcome. But I guess in business, you'd have to be shrewd to be successful. Whatever. My motto is - simple, honest and straightforward. I may not get super duper rich in a short amount of time because of this motto but hey... I am an easy to please person.

It is alarming to note that I have to beg for money owed to me although everything was already agreed in the first place and the payment has been long overdue. But, since I pride myself to be able to detect liars, I sensed some irregularities in the correspondences for the last 3-4 months and am truly grateful to the Almighty for leading me to another party for a quick clarification. I would like to close this particular chapter by this Monday when the payment is ready and I would so like to discard all these negative energy around me and bury them deep under the blue ocean.

I guess with all these, I come out wiser although I am a little worried as I become more cautious of people and have so much distrust in people. That is a negative trait that shouldn't consume me. But, I believe that this is a natural phase that one goes through when something like this occur and this barrier of trust is pulled up for protection. Trust is such a big word... it is so precious and priceless because it takes years to build yet could collapse in an instant. When that happens, you have the choice to build it up again or you could simply ignore the party totally because they become insignificant to you.

So, I shall continue to focus on what's significant in my life and work things out in the best possible way. The week has not ended yet and I am wishing for a continuous positive stride.


CikLilyPutih said...

nak keje balik ke? ermm kene fikir2 baik2 tau.

toughcookie said...

cik lily,
entahlah... i always tell myself that i will go back to working for people when the time is right. right now, i don't really have that desire...

geram tengok you asyik post gambar2 food in your blog sekarang ni hehe... well, hope to see you again soon ya :)

sitisabri said...

Good that Jada is more adventurous now. ;) Happy kan kalau anak dah ada progress.

On another note, I agree with you on being positive and giving trust to others. I used to be very trusting but now I have some kind of shield in front of me.. I learn from past experience and like you said, I will ignore ppl I don't trust.

Fabulous Mummy said...

Hey I'm glad you didn't follow my footstep to join Gymboree....Kidz Sports is so much better!! Now I have to figure out how to utilize all the sessions in one year coz it's so repeatitive and Izzie sometimes also doesn't feel very excited when going there....I tried Kidz Sports "drop & shop" few weeks ago and thought they are attentive yet leaving enough room for the children to explore and play and i love it.....may be because it also gives me time to shop...heheh ;-)

Anyway, I've always enjoy reading your blog...it never fails to give me insights into life and they way you tackle each challenge that comes along the way is so inspirational to others....love your blog....love you!