Mother cat and her claws

I know, I know… this blog is due for an update.

The thing is, staying home with a pretty mundane schedule day in and out, there’s nothing interesting to write about. Although some friends were telling me to just write the way I normally would on what I go thru daily, I just wonder if you really want to read boring stuff??

I mean, my blogging scene started out with deep personal quandaries-turned- contentment, peace and happiness with perfectly ‘happening’ events in my life. Suddenly, everything turned lovey-dovey and now truly focused on pregnancy and issues on delivery and having a baby ;P

Whatever it is, I guess since it is my personal blog, I can pretty much write about anything I want. Tapi malas. Heh.

Where shall I start? Hmmm….

Well, I guess having little jj now is such perfect timing. I mean, compared to having a baby in my early 20’s, I am now more matured, more calm, more peaceful with myself and am truly dedicated to bringing her up without any qualms and worries. Furthermore, the fact that I don’t have to think about work, my attention is almost 100% on her (well, the rest of the percentage would be spread on the ‘bigger’ baby and the little muchkin hehe…). And since I have been thru 1 pregnancy, I am in a better position to choose what I feel is the best for me and little jj.

I am also less selfish in the ‘feeding’ department where I know that even if I do feel tired from the night-feeds, it is for the best and I should continue breastfeeding her as long as possible although the doctors said that the initial 6 months is good enough.

I manage my time better and have more patience at managing the little one.

I feel so peaceful.

But, with experience, comes such jurisdiction on how I handle my baby, what I use for her care and the likes of it.

I find that it is pretty challenging having this baby when you’re always not doing according to the norm. I, for one, have never followed the norm right from when I was in secondary school. I noticed that I have always been outstanding (and much hated, if not loved) for being different. Even at work, I was always known to be protective of my territory and my staff, and I will say what I think is right, of course with limits la.. I could go down as being popular for getting things done but I wasn’t popular in the fact that I could be brash or even to the point of being bitchy, only when I know I have to because sometimes, people won’t take you seriously until you tell them straight to the face, boldly. To me, there's no point in taking care of people's feelings as it is better to tell them straight in the face to avoid future misunderstandings.

And having little jj seem to be no different. Although we were going to deliver her at a designated private hospital, I still went and registered ourselves to an independent ante-natal class since I know that I want an independent view rather than be forced into the policy of the hospital (or the doctor) without us having a 2nd opinion or alternative options.

I didn’t want to be induced and how hard we both fought for us to have a normal AND natural delivery despite the so many views imposed on us by some contacts and even relatives!

Being independent for 7 years, living as a single mom before, I am proud to say that I have made all the right decisions in life all on my own. Without appearing too arrogant, I can humbly vouch that I have always weighed my options the best I can, not without doing research and all before coming to a conclusion. Hence, I feel that no one should impose on certain decisions on me without finding out why a certain decision was made beforehand.

I guess the bottom-line is, we are responsible enough to make our own decisions and if we need advise, we’ll ask for it. I am not being defensive. I am just fed up with assumptions and people telling me what’s right according to their views.

Everyone’s experience is different. Every baby is different. And I think I’ve proven so many people wrong when they bombarded me with emails and sms to have the delivery induced with the assumptions that I am inexperienced, small-built and yada yada. Alhamdulillah, I got the natural birth I so wanted and it gave me such a great sense of satisfaction that I was able to give the best experience to little jj and my the one, without imposing the same on others. It was my choice and I expect people to respect that.

No, I don’t use Johnson’s baby oil on my baby’s bottom. It’s not about the oil you use… it’s how often you change your baby. I mean, I know someone who uses baby oil at every diaper change but her baby still had diaper rash. Logic sense: even if you use baby oil but change the diaper after 6 hours (or even 10 hours!), do you think the baby oil works? Furthermore, if the baby has an ultra-sensitive skin, a mixture of faeces and petroleum might be harmful.

I think, before you judge me for not using Johnson's baby oil, why don’t you ask me first what product I use and it would help if you’d look at my baby’s bottom as well to see how the product works before recommending something. And for that fact, ask yourself – why is it that Johnson’s do not include their baby oil in the ‘hamper’ you get from your private hospital when you are discharged… it’s because it contains mineral oil (paraffinum liquidium), a substance equivalent to petroleum, which is not recommended by the medical experts. Now why would you use petroleum on baby’s skin? Don’t you think it is harmful? Google it for yourself, if you don't believe me. But do I impose on you to not use it? Please… be my guest… do what you have to do if it works. But don’t ask me to compromise on my belief on what’s best for my baby.

Ya, so I tak bedung my baby top to toe… we did swaddle her since her birth. But she struggles hard. I mean, REAL hard, with sounds coming out from her that shows how uncomfortable she is. It’s heart-breaking, ok. I swaddled my first til he was probably about 8 months since he liked it so much and I do know that this one may be as different as her mommy as she doesn’t like it one bit. So, we swaddle her from her chest down, letting her hands free. Is that a sin? Were you here to really see and hear her struggle before coming to such a conclusion that she is uncomfortable not being swaddled top to bottom?

Yes, we bathe her either around 6am-ish if not around 7am-ish. What’s wrong with that? We use warm water… we let her wake from her usual schedule… we got to do what we got to do since the one has to go to work and we have our schedules arranged nicely. I still can’t lift heavy stuff and it is only safer for the one to bathe little jj early in the morning. Do you know how peaceful she is after her bath? Plus, do you know how proud the new daddy feels that he is able to bathe his own child before he goes to work?

No, I don’t give her both breasts at each feed because I have learnt both from the ante-natal class and the hospital that it is ok to just feed her on one breast and alternate it at every feed. No, I don’t think my tetek senget sebelah because of that and no, she doesn’t have any preference on just one breast. She is happy with the current arrangement and I don’t see why I must conform to what others think is right when I’ve already gotten the advise from the experts - that it is alright and she's getting all the nutrition she needs. I don’t believe in breaking the suction and creating unnecessary distress on her emotions. Unless you have proof to say it is risky to the baby I don’t give a damn if tetek senget sebelah (errr... not really, hehe) because as mother nature puts it, all our body parts are not equally sized – not even the scrotum of a man. So, nothing wrong, then, right?

Yes, I am probably a little emotional now. My hormones are still imbalanced and I guess that is a perfect excuse to have all these written ;P

Don’t tell me I shouldn’t shave her head bald because there’s no such thing as rambut kotor in the womb. You don’t shave your baby’s head but let me shave mine. Nothing wrong with that as the hair will grow. What’s the big deal? I shaved my first, I shaved my 2 nieces… heck, I was even shaved when I was a baby!

The one tells me that people only have the best interest at heart. Well, to me, there are ways to put things thru. You can advise but not assume and impose. I mean, I have friends who advised me on baby products and what to do to ease breastfeeding and I don’t feel offended at all. It is how you put it, without making yourself sound highly superior and that you know what is right for my baby.

Hmmm… I may be behaving like a mother cat (have you ever seen a mother cat after giving birth?... she’ll scratch you if you touch her kittens even if she's so familiar with you as her owner). I am being protective of my territory and I am being protective of my baby. Just because what you did was right for yours, doesn’t mean it works the same for mine. Just because what you did was right for yours, doesn’t mean that there are no other ways that would give the same outcome. But, the bottom line would be – never assume. Just because things seem this way at one glance, it doesn’t necessarily give the same conclusion. As long as things are okay, why do you even bother to bud in and change things?

But like I said, there are ways to put things into perspective. Be reasonable and I shall consider. But impose on me, I shall do exactly the opposite.

I guess this post is timely since I’ve been keeping it bottled-up. I have my own success stories with my first born. Do you know he loves vegetables? It was a weird scene among my friends when they see him eat veges since he was very little. But do I impose my ways on others? No. I definitely do not. In fact, I’d share the tips if you want but I never said you must follow it and that it is the only right way. It may have worked on him but not necessarily suitable for other babies.

Why do we need to accept the norm if every baby grows up differently? Everyone of us have our own style and beliefs and there’s no right or wrong about it. Let people learn from their experience and let them grow from it. How would people learn if they’re not allowed to experience it themselves?

And if you think since you have many kids, your ways are right, just remember that I have 2 kids myself. One of them I even raised on my own while I was doing my degree in uni. Mind you, he even had a bad case of eczema and the monthly bout of flu from the nursery. Alhamdulillah, he turned out fine. Don’t you think that experience count?

In this sense, despite whatever differences I have with my mom, I am so glad that she never imposed anything on me since the pregnancy. She knows I have been thru one and that I should know what’s best for me and the baby. The only advise she gave was to hold the baby tight at sunset around Maghrib prayers due to the old wives’ tale of bad spirits lurking at every corner. But, I’ve seen how babies could wail out loud at no rhyme nor reasons and hence, the advise is acceptable. Still, I never imposed this on others.

Even when I was leaking, she assured me I could still wait despite the many ‘forces’ telling me to get induced, have my waterbag broken by the doctors, etc.

Relax la.. it’s my baby. You do what’s best for yours, and I’ll do what’s best for mine.


looking at my cheeks, you can tell how much i love mommy's boobies... hehe... i love milk. i love milk.


Anis Zainal-Pacleb said...

sabar babe sabar...... it seems somehow or rather we tend to be advised by people who thought they are mighty superior in this raising-a-baby department.... i pun bengang ok...i tak bagi chance to people who try to impose such advise on me..tak kira la in-laws or my own siblings, however since my sisters and mom tau pe'el i, they just kept quiet and very tactful wen giving advise..... the bedung part tu pun i only asked my mom to swaddle areya from chest down since areya didn't look comfortable in the traditional type of bedung.....

just do what you think n believe is good for jada.....some people ni mmg menyakitkan hati and i feel you ok....

hugs and kises for jada......she's so adorable la babe macam nak gigit her cheek tu......

Inn said...

wahhh. she's so big already.

i'm with ur hubby on this. i'm getting engage and gosh i cant stand all the shoulds and should nots about how a ceremony shud be, how hantaran is suppose to be etc. but i know they mean well :) So mana2 i tak nak dengar i buat lawak aje la. Plus i am kindda inexperience in the matter. But I can only imagine it'll get worse close to the big day. As it is i am so "tak appropriate" coz my bridesmaid is my best buddy - khairul. tsk.

can i come and visit? i promise i wont impose any baby-knowledge.

toughcookie said...

hi anis,
hehe... we are so alike in this eh.

you of all people, is so welcomed to our home lah. kalau you impose apa2 pun, kita bedebik you sebijik hehe... tah2, you'll be taking lessons from us ;P

dalam hal engagement, wedding tu suma, do what you think is right for you, of course within reasons la kan. sebab in the end, you yang nak kawen bukan diorang. ikutkan i, i'll tell these people korang punya wedding/engagement korang buat la camtu... mine i buat camni. ok?

Melati said...

Hi Juan. Aiseh, bduhh betol la I. I just wrote u a loooooooooooong comment and it got killed 'cos i forgot my password. Dang..

Nway, take it easy dear. Meddling ppl are so annoying kan? Lets just tell ourselves they just want the best for lil jj tapi tak reti frame it nicely so as not to offend. Tsk.. shame.

'Lil jj is so cute and tembab. You heard it all many times surely, but I still want to say it. Jeles tau! My bubs are both cekeding-keng-keng.. My 13 month old pun susu cap gantung until now (alhamdulillah) tapi no where near ckeeks like 'lil jj's..

Private hosps tak leh caya la. They're concerned about their margins je, not patients' well-being. Had a similar experience when about to deliver my second. Left my Obs-Gyn of 6 years kat this one such hospital n went with my parents' neighbour of 25 years. More empathetic and tak gila duitan. Got the normal delivery i wanted, puas hati. Bravo to u for asserting yourself!!

I apologise for not visiting. Been through an endless musical chair from hell of flu. Four times it did its round in my household. Best to stay away from u. Right now dah ok tapi tak tau la...

I live very near OU if ur up to meeting up any time. Take care babes.

toughcookie said...

dearest mel,
hehe... your comment is soooo kelakar. kesian you... i guess genetics pun play a role kan since both you and hubby are really thin souls. for some of us, jeles je nengok orang stick-thin ni. both my hubby and moi are tembam souls ;P therefore, cannot help it la that little jj has our cheeks.

gosh... you're the 1st person i know (besides myself) with that attitude. most of the time, everyone tells me to just listen to the doctor as they know best. no offense to doctors, but i feel that many of them are unethical especially when they put high profits above what can work. i left my previous doctor for this one as well. but still, she turns out to be like most of them. alhamdulillah, everything turned out the way we wanted. bravo to you too for knowing what you want and what's best for you and your girl.

don't worry, mel. i'm sure we'll meet up real soon. i have lotsa time on my hands. but i guess after fasting month la kan if we were to meet... at least can chat over coffee.