Mid-fb-life Crisis, he tells me.

"Hi... I just got a 'friend request' from you... were you in Desasiswa C****a (back in uni)? You were from the East Coast and part of those who used to talk bad about me, right?"

That was a short message I just sent out in facebook awhile ago.

The one said that I have a mid-facebook-life crisis, in that, I am acting as if someone who has a mid-life crisis... someone who's suddenly considering and thinking so much about something she has been doing all these while and questioning the reasons for it, even to the point of re-considering newer habits as I've lost faith in certain things due to stuff I've been receiving, reading or/and seeing.

All of a sudden, I feel that facebook is filled with pretentious people (moi included). You have friends whom you label as 'friends' yet some of them are privileged to view everything you put up about yourself while some of them are unable to view your wall, your full profile or your entire photo album. Heck, I am not just talking about others but I, too, have people whom I segregate to Family, Friends, Best Buddies, Blogger Friends and one particular group I named 'Questionable' who are unable to view my wall and can only read my notes without being able to comment on them because I don't fancy their views and not bothered about letting them know how I feel, yet I am unable to delete them off my Friends list because they are either family members, relatives or a friend whom I do not want to burn the bridges with.

So, that makes me pretentious too?

Heck, I am not a pretentious person because that is so not me. But circumstances in life sometimes forces you to be that way because you need to consider someone else's feelings... and while you do that, I feel some sort of insincerity... and being insincere tires me to the bones, being someone who thrives on principles.

Then, there are those whom I 'hide' on my Recent News wall. They are my friends, but I dislike reading their status because they would either create awkwardness to people reading their status or that they make my blood boil with never-ending stupid/rude comments on politics and personal stuff regarding their partners or their ex, giving out pathetic excuses to obtain constant attention and grabbing people to join them in easy money-making quests.

I know everyone's into facebook and I have to admit that it is a very good social and networking tool. In fact, I have been using facebook so actively because it is the only window to my networking and keeping-in-touch-with-friends ability. I stay at home all day. I work from home. I see no one at times. I go out only with my little jj and I only meet my family day in day out. Therefore, facebook is my only window to the outside world... I keep in touch very well on facebook... I get involved in many of what's happening to my friends through their status updates while I totally ignore other's updates whom I do not hide which I don't quite bother because I don't pretty much care about them but have nothing against them.

Previously, I would just delete people off my list especially those who dare request me to add them into my list of friends but never bothered to even write me a message and put in any efforts to keep in touch with a simple hi or how have you been or what have you been doing questions. But, I realised that many people get easily offended by that gesture of deletion and got me into thinking and re-considering my bold actions because there is nothing wrong about adding them and keeping them in my list as I could just easily segregate them into groups. Thus, allowing more control of what they can view and what they can't, until later on when we have more time to chat and they earn my trust.

Now, with 444 friends in my list and further editing controls to my privacy, I suddenly felt sick. Because I don't need over 400 friends and always worried who would misuse their access to my hoards of photographs. I mean, I never thought I even have 400 friends whom I can call, friends. So, yes, all of a sudden, I do feel sick with it. The pretentiousness.

I have been feeling this way since over a week ago when a sudden bout of low hit me. Could it be due to the age factor, coming to a certain phase in my life? I dunno...

I am lucky enough to just name a handful of friends whom I can depend on but 400?

I have a long lost friend who was so happy to see me again in facebook and we reminisced on old times and the things that I saw her went through... but when the time came to meet up, there were an endless bout of excuses of why she can't see me and that got to me... I mean, why bother.

Then, there were some people who were never even fond of me in Uni and were very clear with me on that then and all of a sudden expects me to add them into my circle of friends. Like, what the...

Do I really have 400 friends? And if you add someone, does that necessarily earn a friendship badge? And if you strike a friend off your list, does that make you both non-friends? Does it make you less of a friend or is that just plain normal and acceptable because in real life, we also unconsciously categorise our friends - with whom we trust more compared to the rest?

It's just that categorising subconsciously compared to putting it clearly online for the user makes it seem more pretentious. For me, at least.

So, like this is just a phase for me? Questioning all these. Does this mean I am going to move away slowly from my online presence there or will this be applied to everything else?

Why am I feeling this all of a sudden? Why am I suddenly affected by this?


Amy said...

Ohhhh. I feel you. I pun ada category, I pun hide some people sbb nak remove terus tak bleh. And recently I was being bashed by my cousins, with no mercy on words used and my whole circle of relatives were able to read that. Upon analyzing the situation and getting opinions from uncles/aunty, I decided to remove this ungrateful cousin, and apparently, her crude remarks about my family masih belum stop. So full of drama this FB, but I still want to keep it as I get to communicate with friends, rebonding with relatives. So satu 'nyamuk' tu I tolak tepi jek :)

toughcookie said...

guess i am not alone in this then, huh? pasal relative yang bagi komen ngarut tu, had a few of those too. disebabkan i ni can be sharp at times, diorang terpaksa mengalah. ada yang siap delete i terus heheh... but i tak kisah la because saves my time to categorise them. dah tua2 ni, malas nak create unnecessary friction but these things do happen because not everybody thinks the way we do.

i can't delete my fb account sebab i don't want people posing as me plus, i so value friendship with existing true friends (and old friends) and fb is a wonderful place to keep in touch. cuma dah malas nak update apa2 until i figure out the list of friends. nak buat spring cleaning.

diamond baby said...

Yes, i do the categorizing of friends too in fb but i don't delete 'friends' as I don’t know when I just may need these 'friends' help in the future. So its my choice to keep them around but I still limit their views on certain stuffs. I guess, in that sense, I am pretentious too ;-)

However, I do find that as I get older, I no longer feel the need to be on guard always and minced words to 'jaga hati org'. I don't need other people to validate how I should act, say or do. I think Im at that stage of my life where Im at peace with everything around me and am content with my life. Maybe that’s what you are facing too kot….

The Momster said...

I feel you too! At the mo, I hardly update my status or photos or what-not. I only stay on facebook just in case some friends are trying to get in touch with me. :D

I feel my privacy is invaded on facebook, which is not good at all!

Sarclover said...

well Juan, you know my opinion on this.

After a recent fall-out with a friend who is still on my FB list now, I kind of see friendship in a different way.

see, I can't even act pretentious. I can't seem to lie 'effectively' and I don't ever even TRY to gain other people's sympathy.

when I screwed up, I fix it. thats it... I dont cry about it, I dont dwell on it. I fix it.

I only have 100+ people on my FB, some I might even consider deleting. I don't have many friends, but I do have those I can rely on. I have learnt my lesson, the hard way.

sitisabri said...

I understand why you feel overwhelmed by all of this. To have 400 over friends is a bit too much to handle.

I don't see anything wrong with keeping your very personal information just for friends you really know and trust.

It is okay to share things in FB, but I have my limit too. I don't go to a point of reporting every single activity and places I went. I don't share all my family issues online. For me, FB is a perfect place for networking, to get in touch with old friends, and make new friends too. :) It is nice really nice knowing you.

Cosmic_GurL said...

Hmmm..maybe i should do some spring cleaning on my fb too. Susah la nak remove/delete ppl esp if theyre family members like aunts, uncles and cousins..balik raya jer sure they will ask "pesal tak add me?" or "u so sombong!"...urgh...so what i do is, i just put them in the restricted view list..nak sgt aku add, ha amik ko!