So… the new year is coming near. Rather than post on resolutions for 2009, I’d rather reflect on the highlights and observations in 2008.

The highlight of my life in 2008 must definitely be the birth of little jj and especially grateful that I’ve managed to go thru childbirth all natural, without drugs and a supportive husband next to me thru it all, witnessing the arrival of a healthy baby girl.

As a wife, I believe I’ve evolved much but hope I’d not lose my old self. You know how it is when a woman evolves too much into ‘motherhood’ and all, leaving the husband missing that old part of her which he fell for in the first place. I have to admit there’s not much of me old self left… I’ve not regained my pre-pregnancy figure… and my face is not as smooth as before since I’ve missed about a year of facials… I can’t fit into those tight-fitting clothes I used to put on me before and I don’t dress up the way I did – high heels and all… my hair’s all plain black as opposed to those reddish brown hues and neatly-trimmed locks…

What’s still not changed is the love I have for my husband and family. In fact, it has gotten stronger… I still have the same drive to survive in life and earning my way, not just 100% dependant on my other half… I still have that sense of humour and I guess I’ve been picking up more responsibilities and handling them as a grown woman would.

I've improved in the cooking department and taking care of a little baby without help can be pretty challenging. So I guess, I lost some part of my old self and replace it with something crucially necessary in this phase I'm in.

I hope I have fulfilled much of what my husband expects out of me. I know I am no perfect woman but I try to be the best I could. And hoping that this wonderful bond that we have will last a lifetime, with many many more sweet memories to be etched together.

As a daughter, being away from my parents meant appreciating them more. I think I treat my mom better now and vice versa. Not that our relationship was so bad before but you know how it is when we have differing views made of the fact that we’re a generation apart. Of course, also because a mother loves her children so much that they'd want things to be done their way since that showed success...

Having a son-in-law my parents approve makes it even better. Sometimes, the one’s words bring more value when they come from him instead of me.

As a mom, I’ve grown so much. It helps much more that life is so much stable now, and the little munchkin having a father figure. Things are falling into place although there is still plenty that can be done with the little munchkin’s dyslexia. But, at least we’re doing all we can as a family.

Little jj has developed so well now that she’s into her 5th month. That also meant a full 5 months of exclusive breastfeeding and waking up constantly for her night feeds. Today, we realised that she has recognised her name when we called her. Before, when we thought she did already recognise her name, we were proven wrong when she also looked at us when we called other names. But today, even when we called other names, she only responded to Jada Kyra. It was such a beautiful sight.

As a daughter-in-law, I hope I’ve done alright. It is never easy pleasing your in-laws but to be honest, the one’s parents may be godsend. I have seen other friends with equally supportive and caring in-laws and I am glad that I have one too. There’s nothing much that I need to worry besides taking care of their son and their grandchild, and be a good wife.

As a friend, I’ve managed to make some ties stronger while I grow far apart from others. Still, my friends always know that they can talk to me and that I’d always make an effort to keep in touch where it matters most, if not at least thru ‘poking’ each other in facebook.

I am not sure if I’ve been a good friend this year since I don’t think I’ve done anything much for my friends except be a good listener to those truly close to me. When you think of it, everyone is getting busier and some would forget to keep in touch. As a friend, you’d only want to be understanding and know that the friendship is always there… you’d always pick up where you left off and at least have each other read each other’s blogs to stay in touch with what’s happening. The, when you contact each other, you know how much your friends actually care for you as they know what you’ve been up to and know that you’re alright.

I’ve read many blogs reflect on their friendship this year and surprised to note of the many bad experiences with friendship in 2008. That reminds me of someone close to me and the friendship lost just recently.

Sometimes, when you keep telling yourself you’ve done this and that for a friend, you forget to see what your friend has done in return. It might not be similar but for a calculative friend, nothing would come close to the comparison one makes about one’s contributions and efforts. When you cry as a victim, sometimes, people see the other side of you – all whiney and expectations that a friend will have your back at all times. Little did one realise how selfish he sounds and in return destroys a good friendship by completely failing to see and understand of a friend’s commitment to his family.

Finger pointing and the blame game are always the easiest way to want out and one fails to see how stupid one is to throw away such strong friendship all because one is selfish and blind, exhuming himself with points only about him. The thing is, the world doesn’t only revolve around one person and if one is not happy about his friend, he should talk about it to that friend – not whine over and over again about the same thing to his former girlfriend, his other friends, and even that friend’s sister. You just can’t expect your friend’s time all the time because people have lives to live. Live with it and understand that you don’t own your friends.

Some people, ‘K’, for example, could go thru life being oblivious about a lot of things but that does not make him a bad person and that doesn’t make him care less about the people he appreciates, ‘A’, included. Sometimes though, when this happens to K and him regretting not caring more for A or meeting A’s expectations, things suddenly turn around with people actually supporting K more than A, who suddenly seems all whiney. As it turned out, A wasn’t looking for a girlfriend or a close friend – he was in fact, searching for a replacement for that void he himself created for K, who wasn’t aware of this strong possessive need and addiction of a friend.

A friend shouldn’t expect one to put their needs above others because not only is that selfish, it is unfair if that friend is not aware of the expectations. A friendship is also nothing like a marriage… when one gets married, it’s only natural that their partner falls much further up in his priority list… and if one is not married, one cannot ever comprehend what it is like to be married and the commitment that comes with it. Whatever it is, no one has ever said the friend is never welcomed into his home. So, what’s the point of blaming? Just because K could do so much things with A when they were much younger, life evolves so much and brings different values and beliefs in those different facets of his life. One cannot expect a friend to not evolve into a better man.

Especially when you’re a grown man, others would expect you to act as one. Playing the blame game is so not mature and whining things about your best friend to others – some who may have not even met that friend of yours does not reflect you, in particular, YOU, as a good friend. Good friends do not draw up stories and tell everyone else but the person in subject, and good friends do not try to screw up the relationship by trying to have a relationship with his best friend’s sisters when he knows well that that is not acceptable, as already made clear very much earlier. A good friend would surely understand respect.

Friendship can be a mean thing actually, as you can choose whom you want as friends. Therefore, if things do not work, we can all move on without regrets. So when one reflects so much about what one didn’t do for the other, one should look into the mirror ask himself if that is true. As for the friend who’s been blabbed so much about, I believe that sincerity goes a long way because people could see that and not much explanation is needed to see the truth. It’s too bad that things turned out that way but nothing is loss and more room now to gain.

Well, that was just my take on the entire drama. I, for one, am glad that 2008 came and (almost) went with such beauty. Maybe, 2009 will be just as eventful and colourful.

I haven’t thought of any resolutions cos I don’t think I have any bad habits that I’d want to lay off. I’ll just probably continue to support my husband and family in any way I can and continue to be a good wife and mother. I may want to get more jobs to supplement our income but I wouldn’t want anything that would get in the way with my responsibilities as a housewife.

Oh, I probably would want to lose weight but since I’ve never really worked hard to earn the figure I previously had, I don’t know how I’d do it now to get that figure back. I hope the one would be patient with that and continue to cherish the love we have.

Here’s to a more colourful 2009, filled with love, good health and happiness…


Chech said...

Beautifully written.

Once, I pledged to myself to be a mother who is all prim and proper (physically, like Bree of Desperate Housewives!) once I have my own child.

While I am not as butterfingered as Susan (:D), I am finding myself being rather 'plain'. Yeup, plain black hair (that could be fashionable if not for the postpartum hair loss I'm experiencing ~heh), plain clothes (which are more practical for breastfeeding) and plain fingers (as mani and pedi requires going out for a longer time yet my baby needs his rest, too).

Those details complete a woman, yes, but they seem minute as compared to being able to take care of a baby without domestic help/maid, and not to mention exclusive breastfeeding, eh. (Or, in my case, 99% exclusive, as there was a time when my ebm couldn't meet Khalish's demand while I was away).

So, congratulations to us and may 2009 bring more positive values for all parents.

emly2175 said...

how we changed from the elegant lady to plain jane after one child! Aiyoh!! I'm also like u la dear.. But we have to strive harder & remind ourselves deligently on these matter la dear..Even a lipstick will do ..! hehehe..

p/s: like your new blog's skin

n.i. said...

Happy New Year to you!

toughcookie said...

hi chech,

ahh... lipstick it is. happy new year, babe.

Happy New Year to you too! thanks for dropping by.