She's mine...

When I was unhappy with the nonsensical office politics that arose after a change in management almost a year ago, I started to subscribe to Jobstreet again and see what’s in store for me. However, when I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wouldn’t have a good chance in securing a new job… but the emails on job vacancies kept coming in, allowing me to keep abreast of what’s happening in the employment market of the communications/PR industry.

Over the months, nothing really caught my attention. Well, until today, that is… the package sounds too good to be true that I am surprised they advertised it instead of head-hunting the right candidate professionally.

As attractive as it is, my heart is still more inclined to being at home, looking after my baby whilst working from home. Yes, I’d be able to continue buying good clothings, expensive skincare and makeup; shoes, shoes, shoes; plan for luxurious trips; those monthly facials and frequent trips to my hairstylist; heavenly visits to Khareyana Spa as often as I'd like, bla bla bla - if I could land myself another job similar to what I was earning in my last employment but I have been home for the past 6 months and have been there thru every second of little jj’s developments… and that has kinda eliminate any urges of joining the corporate scene again. Especially not after I was eaves-dropping on some people chatting about their frustrations of certain departments ‘tai-chi-ing’ their way to avoid responsibilities, bla bla bla… that is very normal la in corporations. Plus, I think I should have enough from the countless shopping spree and I have at least reached that level in my career where I don't think I'd miss anything much.

Furthermore, I get tired from having to be bitchy in order to get things done especially when I do not kiss ass in order to be ‘safe’ as I deem performance as straight-forward, no hanky-panky.

Seriously, I don’t miss it one bit. Nope… I don’t miss having to wake up so early to get ready, I don’t miss the worries and headaches I get from deadlines and multi-tasking while work at home also needs to get done, and I don’t miss the traffic jams and numerous toll plazas that I’d have to pass by in order to get home quickly. Best of all, I couldn’t imagine going thru all that and having to put little jj thru all the hecticness of having to wake her up earlier than her usual time, sleeping thru noises from other babies or toddlers and getting cranky for attention when she finally get to see her parents so late after work. Nope. I think we made a good choice for me to stay home albeit all the sacrifices, financially, especially, for a better life emotionally. I guess when you’re happy emotionally, all else will come to you almost effortlessly.

Little jj has started to make so much noise, trying to talk. I just love looking at her intense expression – with eyes open wide, eyebrows arched at times and her cheeks lifted when she tries to talk… her voice coming out from her tummy, not her throat and her voice sounds so melodious.

She’d wake up quietly in the morning and her face lit up immediately when she sees me, and will give me the most generous smile when I say to her, “Good morning… good morning sayang….”, she would smile so wide and recently added vocal sounds to that smile, as if telling me what she was dreaming, that she loves me too and is happy to see me when she’s awake.

What I love most when she’s awake is that distinctive smell… that sorta mild yet pungent baby odour emitting from her neck. It smells almost delicious! I know I will miss that smell once it starts to disappear as she grows.

She’ll show me her 10 fingers as if trying to touch my face if she’s not wearing her mittens, or if she had her mittens on, she would touch me with those wet hands, soggy from her new habit of sucking her hands.

As she’s never been fond of being fed with the bottle, I don’t believe she has ever wailed due to colic. The only time she’d cry is when she’s hungry or if she’s extremely tired and would want to be held until she sleeps… especially when daddy’s home and she’d only want daddy’s warm, strong shoulders for her face to sink into.

I love the fact that I can now just leave her by her own in the cot and she could sleep on her own with soothing classical music in the background, after her morning bath. And I am intrigued by how much focused she can be when her eyes are glued to the tv.

I love to see her ‘swimming’ gestures in her tub, smiling up to me as if telling me how much she loves taking her bath with me…she’d open her mouth so wide as if trying to laugh with no sounds coming out from her, so happy to be immersed in warm soapy water.

Today, she had put her wet hands into her mouth and showed me how yucky the water tastes like… and she smiled so wide, it made her look very cheeky.

She’d lift her shoulders up, concealing her neck when I try to clean that area as she probably feels tickly there.

Her eyes would open up wider when I lift her up from her tub over to the changing mat and she’d continue that swimming gesture, moving actively but going no where :D. Now that she's started to learn to roll-over, putting clothes on her is a little challenging as she moves but she'd keep so still when I put on lotion on her.

After putting all those lotions to her entire body and the liquid powder to her neck, she’d give me that look – so relaxed and ready to be put to bed as she feels all clean and sweet-scented.

I love it when she talks to the Lamaze tortoise in her cot just before she dozes off and I love it when she surrenders to the world, breathing heavily, her two hands straight up above her head, her mouth sometimes smiling as if she’s had a good dream and her blanket raising up slowly to her waist as time goes by, as her legs can’t stand being covered.

She’d wake up quietly unless she’s hungry and she’d look at me when she’s fed. If I do look back at her straight to her eyes, she’d utter this sweet sound and flash me this wide, naked smile while her mouth’s still full. She’d keep on smiling every once in a while and her face lights up everytime she does that.

She has learnt to clasp her hands on things and she’s started to grab me at every chance she gets. Her beautiful chubby and fair fingers would play on my skin, trying to figure out how those 10 little dingly figure work.

Best of all, I am able to see the little little things in her which I may not be able to experience if I leave her early in the morning before she wakes up and only coming home late when she’s already fast asleep.

As of now, I am enjoying all the noises that she’s making because time flies way too fast and I’d like to remember how cute she is in this stage of her development. After all, these moments only come at a limited time and I just can't get enough of them...

don't mind the 'sexy' background ;P

i love this for her gestures towards the end of the video... oh, don't mind those additional noises made by orang-orang yang tak sepatutnya :D

I've posted a lengthier one (3 minutes!) of her moment with me, talking almost non-stop, here.


Zaza said...


she's super precious!!!

Emily said...

I still say that she looks like her daddy!

BTW, I am still looking for a job that pays me well but on my terms and working schedule! I am entering a second month of 'still looking' ~ so gonna go the 'free lance route!'

Chen Chow said...

Great to hear that the job matching by LiNa is useful!

All the best to you!

Best wishes from a staff of

Anis Zainal-Pacleb said...

Eeeeeee....... geramnye at jada..... u know babe, i totally forgot what u wrote earlier in this post after watching your super gorjes jada in the act...... cuteee banget...... at the spur of the moment, i feel like having another one.... you see! How captivated I am with your daughter...

Whoaaaa.... had enuf of those corporate scenes especially when one have no choice but to work with silly and bodoh sombong kinda bosses.... how attractive the offer was, I believe Areya needs me more than those jokers kan?

Although, we do have to excessively cut down on trips to our hairstylist, spa and even coffee breaks wif close frens ;)

I love the way u describe jada’s developments and antics especially the ‘swimming’ part tu, teringat I when areya was at that age.......

Z.Y. said...

i know i'm guilty of not reading u that often and might've missed some posts, but i have a question: have u become a full time housewife?

i want to be one too! uhukkk.

Ms B said...


The simplest things are always the best.

ps: she is so adorable. *winks*

pss: I've linked u. Hope its ok.

emly2175 said...

u make me envy la for not being a SAHM !!! I traded this part of not being able to see all my daughter's 1st steps/developments with my work.. But I compensate it back with coming back home early, prepared all her food, bath her morning & night & giving her my breastmilk for 2 years of her life.. How not easy to be a parent either working or not!

toughcookie said...

dearest zaza,
she is... :D

okaylah emily,
i agree wif you :(

good luck with your search for a better quality of life... i tell you, once you've found it, you'd feel so contented that you wished you'd done it sooner!

chen chow,
thanks for your note but i don't think that was my message in this post. if i were to elaborate more about LiNa's service in jobstreet, there is much more that can be improved. but then again, being a free service provider, i guess there is no obligation to please everyone...

toughcookie said...

anis dear,
hehe... so funny... ya la kan.

i pun rasa geram sangat nengok dia. altho it ain't easy having another one, i do wish you all the best. it'll be quite a challenge to have to push our attention away from our little one for another baby. it takes a lot of time and attention that a mom might be filled with guilt for her older child.

omg.. talking about cutting trips, i never thot i'd turn into this la. but then again, i can't believe how much i've wasted on vanity! hehe... still, i do believe us women must invest a little on ourselves because no one else would.

take care, babe.

yup! am working from home, dear, and truly loving every minute of it!! :D

dear ms b,
i am trully honoured to be part of your listing... thanks!

and yes, you are so right la. the simplest things can be the most fulfilling, i realised that recently.

oh, don't feel that way... for some of us i guess there isn't much choice... we either have to work for financial reasons, or simply because we are career-minded. just because we work doesn't mean we think of our children less, right? for us, it was just a much simpler solution as we couldn't find a good baby-sitter and those nurseries that were recommended to us weren't something that we could consider. in the end, we just have to list down what's important and how we could achieve that which can give a much better result, and all of us happier. SAHM is not for everyone...

hmmm... i still think it is more challenging for a mom when she's working because when i'm home, work at home is always never-ending! so, i believe if i continued working, work is always never-ending + household work that's ALSO never-ending = die lor... hehe...

i guess, whatever we do, we do it for our family depending on how the individual looks at it. there's no right or wrong, really, and it benefits you one way or the other.