Whatever the choices we make in life, we have to live with the consequences.
One can choose to remain busy with family life and be ignorant of their friends or still remain busy with life yet make the effort to send the occasional sms, at least, to their treasured friends just to say a simple hi.
One can choose to be an asshole and be disgusting or try to be honest and truthful to avoid any self-confrontation in the future. Who'd know... you'd still be searching for that person you've wronged after 13 years, only to be forgiven. By then, do you regret being that disgusting devious human being you once were or you simply want to apologise because it is fashionable. It's your choice.
Then, you on the other side either choose to forgive the person as it has been more than a decade or you ask yourself whether you have forgiven the person if you had never been able to forget the experience? What's more, what could be the best years of your college life turned a little dingy when people see you not as who you really are, but who you were perceived as. based on malicious lies.. and from then on, you are that lone alien... but your future somewhat scarred because you were not able to go thru normalcy and your heart thickening, unable to trust, making you go thru choices unaided.
Yesterday, I chose to take part with the other 3 Flying Monkees on our probably final treasure hunt together... well, maybe until another couple of years, at least. I've enjoyed our excursions together winning many prizes along the way. Yesterday was pretty tough. It was made tougher when the three of them won the corporate hunt last year, elevating them to the Masters category whilst I, on the other hand, is forced to enter the competition as a Master with only a mediocre skill in deciphering them codes. I had fun, nevertheless while feeling rather sad to be losing the-best-couple-anyone-would-want-as-friends as they choose to move to the UK next month.
The hunt was one very good example of making choices... and the choices we made gave us only 14 correct answers out of the 35 questions and only 2 correct treasures out of 4. It was a consolation, though, that no Masters got the final treasure and only 2 Masters (us, Flying Monkees included) got the second treasure right.
I'm happy to say that little jj has been a really good girl, trying to grab (with her eye-sight) everything within sight, protested recklessly when fed as it wasn't just a cold environment but also uncomfortable, and still managed to fall asleep despite the noisy music, announcements and laughter from the audience. Still, I regretted that choice we made to take her with us as we came home with a frustrated baby, warning us to leave her in peace in the future.
So, to calm her, I told her repeatedly that I choose to stay home with her, no matter what, in the future, until she is ready to face the world. I don't care what people might say - that I am spoiling the baby or that I shouldn't so much fall for her crankiness... I choose to have a happy baby (within means) and until she learns to understand what's happening around her, I choose to sacrifice my needs to go out and enjoy because that is what having a baby is all about - the small sacrifices.
Having a baby is not something fashionable... that you want a baby because everyone else already has one... or that you are no longer young. The fact that I had one when I was much younger and one now, I learnt that the choice to have a baby when you are ready is probably the best decision for a parent. You'll be able to think better, you are ready to undertake the responsibilities that come with the bundle of joy and you are accountable to the choices you make and not point fingers blaming others for any carelessness or ignorance.
Now, coming back to the point of apologising for something you have done more than 10 years ago, I choose to not trust the request for trust has been broken. Who knows... people may have their own agenda to keep in touch, hoping to be able to spread more lies as they're unhappy to see the happiness of others.
If only I choose to be this firm 13 years ago and not fall for that pressure to please everyone's feelings, I would be this happy and not be bothered about what people say. I would say point blank to the face that hey - you are not my type and get outta my face. I wouldn't be pressured to life's cultures because someone thinks I don't fall under the 'acceptable' category. I failed to realise that what ever you do, there is the 50-50 risk of being scrutinised. Friends may not be as real as they portray themselves to be and foes may be the best friends you'd have in the future as they're the most honest and unpretentious.
Yup, that I learnt.
But I must agree though, that what happened in the past makes you what you are today. Being outstanding and different from others can help you a lot in life as you start attracting true friends. Still, even then, you'd bound to meet people who are not what they seem... but they cannot hurt you in that same way they can 13 years ago as you are no longer that naive trusting person and that your exterior's as tough as a brick. You can face them and tell them to their faces what you feel, without guilt. You choose to be that way because you want to free your heart from unnecessary worries and questions that only wastes so much of your time.
I have chosen, a long time ago, to rid myself of the memories that could prevent me from moving on... what's more, they don't matter much in life the way they did before. But to have one to haunt you into recalling the past is one I do not welcome.
So today, I choose to ignore those I deem unacceptable. It is no longer about you. It is now about me. And I choose to care only those who care about me. And I choose to live in the now.
Life presents you with so many options with so little time. You just have to live by the choices you made because that is what life is all about.
We love you guys and will miss you... takde farewell makan2 ke??