Don't get me wrong.

A friend asked me a few weeks ago if I’ve been dodging phone calls.

See, I dunno how many times I’ve written that answering phone calls have not really been my priority since the birth of little jj.

Sure, I’ll answer the phone… but only if they’re calls from the one or my parents… or clients I’m doing work for. Still, there are times when their calls are unanswered especially when one – I’m nursing little jj; or two – I’m doing house chores such as cooking or doing the laundry, etc; or three – I didn’t hear the phone ring since it is always on a volume so low so that little jj won’t be accidentally awaken from her slumber.

I just cannot chat on the phone during office hours (when the one’s not at home) because there are just tonnes of things to be done (when you're at work and I'm at home) and I simply cannot afford to wake little jj if she hears me talking on the phone. Even if she’s awake and I chat on the phone, I can’t focus on the chat since her voice will drown whomever’s voice on the other line… hey, she’s just too cute and adorable okay… you can’t blame me for not being able to resist her charms and give her all the attention ;P

"Mommy... Mr Giraffe couldn't say anything as his mouth is stitched...
come talk to me, mommy..."

Sure I’ll return your call but only when I am able to… and I’d definitely reply your sms. If it’s really important, I will return call as soon as I can.

The thing about phone calls or smses, and as I always tell the one, that nothing could be THAT urgent and important. I mean, can’t one just wait until one is done with parking the car or having dinner with the family before one answers a call or replies to text messages? I know I know… I used to reply to smses while driving but after awhile (could also be the age factor), I realised that nothing is that important (well, except if your CEO or President give you a call la when you’re working).

Hmmm… I’m sorry if I sound a little arrogant but you just have to know how not easy it is to tend to a baby without any help at home, alone.

You have the baby as your priority as she’s not able to understand anything. And since she’s now able to rollover on her own, it is even more critical for you to not lose sight of her not even for 2 seconds. I’m not complaining, just merely trying to make those who do not understand, understand.

Nursing the baby is another thing as those relaxing hormone start to consume me that all I want to do is relax… but I can’t cos I got tonnes of things to do like preparing my lunch, doing dishes, laundry, folding clothes and all those booooring sorts that no one else would want to do. And since I'm at home, I'd like to now iron the one's shirts since he usually do them when I was working.

Then, you’d want to sleep when the baby’s asleep because that’s what they usually advise mommies with babies but I can count how many times since the last 4 months that I could do that because when she’s awake, I can’t do many things that I’d like to do – like trimming my eye-brows or waxing my legs (no, I don't do them everyday!) or simply be lazy on the couch watching TV non-stop. I'd like to read and do my sewing and all but I feel that 24 hours is just no enough. Hey… I got to have me-time too you know… when at most times, my antenna would be running active listening to the baby move or the baby waking up or the baby starting to cry, etc.

Yeah, it is easy for some to tell me not to spoil the baby. But helloo… she is after all, a baby. What does she know? As long as she does not yet understand the word, 'No', or 'Stop', she has the right as a baby to get as much assurance, security and attention she needs. And I, as a mommy, who chose too have a baby should take that responsibility the best I can. No one said having a baby is easy peasy and they’re not kidding. We have been practising restraints on her but nothing really firm… not until she’s at least 6 months, as advised by many pros on handling babies.

Juggling time is no mean feat. I don’t have deadlines that run for weeks. My deadlines are all immediately or 4 hours, at the max (that will be diaper changing!). If I want a happy baby, which automatically translates to a happy me, this is how I am managing my daily chores. Itu pun, nak makan pun kadang-kadang not easy okay. I need to have a fulfilling meal every time as I transfer those vitamins, minerals and fat to my baby. But as it is, I would usually be able to cook up a good meal but eating time has always been a rush since little jj always seem to know when to wake up from her morning nap – when mommy is having lunch. And, as we all in the family know, she’d wake up when she’s hungry. So… milk, milk, milk urgently.

Sometimes, I’d feel really low as tiredness gets to me and I feel unappreciated. It’s not that I am not appreciated… it’s just one of those days when the feeling just suddenly appears. I think many SAHMs can relate to this – when you feel that you’re always taking care of everyone but no one’s really taking care of you… that you need that nice spa treatment but you can’t because you just can’t get off… or that you need that trip to the hair salon but you’re putting it off since the baby’s needs need to be met. And you could never really rest until probably an hour before midnight because that is when everything is really done at home and you just want to go to bed.

You can have the best hubby around but you’d still be plagued with that feeling. It’s not that time of the month but a common thing I guess when you’re always at home not thinking much about yourself.

So naturally, I’d want me-time. And I don’t want to be asked what’s up cos I could only tell you that hey, I’m watching TV and will be nursing the baby soon and I can’t talk… or that hey, I just finished nursing the baby and she’s now asleep so I gotta start preparing my lunch or that hey, I’m doing good, everything’s fine, nothing new.

I’ve never been a chatter anyway… so no, I’m not dodging calls. If you want to chat, call me after 9pm because the one will be available to help with the little one and we’d be done with dinner. But you never would call at night, right… because it is your time with your family – your dinner and quality time. So, you get where I’m coming from, right?

When you’re working, it’s nice to take a break, putting off paperwork for 10 minutes or so chatting with friends. For me, my ‘taking a break’ would be, quiet time. Ultimate silence and peace.

So if I don’t answer, I’ll call you back… just not immediately. And I'm not being difficult... just a little understanding would help.

"Can you all help mommy with her house chores?"


Chech said...

Hi toughcookie,

I'm a (new) mommy to a 4-month-old baby. Before the baby arrived, my husband and I decided that it was best for me to take unpaid leave in order to take care of our son until he turns 6-month-old and starts taking solid food. After all, we waited for two and a half years for his arrival.

Staying alone at home with a baby who requires my attention most of the time as well, I empathise with an SAHM's needs for a me-time. It is like a reward to ourselves after fulfilling others' needs. Selecting which number to answer therefore is a necessity for an SAHM in order to create her personal space.

Yelah, kadang-kadang (contohnya, masa growth spurt period yang mana baby amat clingy), untuk mandi pun terpaksa tunggu suami balik daripada kerja. So, a spare time is precious for an SAHM and yes, it shall be respected :)

Anis Zainal-Pacleb said...

i sincerely feel you babe.... it's amazing huh when some people think that we, the SAHM lead such a luxurious lifestyle at home and is able to pick up their calls anytime, anywhere and anyday.... what they failed to realise is that we've got tonnes of those boring things to do at home, especially A SAHM like us who doesn't have any helper at home....

and yup! i'd rather do the peg puzzles or some readings with areya than those irrelevant natters with some inconsiderate people.... if they're our friends, they'd understand our situation and no justification is needed, kan?

toughcookie said...

hi chech,
my baby just fell asleep after her feed and here i am!! hehe...

first of all, congratulations on your new arrival. the wait was all worth it, eh?

omg yes... ada sekali tu i had to wait for the one to come home before i could bathe. at most times little jj is ok when i bathe except for this one time.

gosh. it feels so good to hear that you went thru similar experiences. i just can't believe how some people with kids could be so oblivious on this matter...

dear anis,
you are spot on regarding them friends... yup, those close to me understands really well. i mean, even those non-SAHM pun kadang2 would do this too when they're really busy... sms pun balas after 2-3 days kan. apa pulak kita yang kerja like 15-17 hours everyday.

thanks, babe!

Ydiana said...

Hi Cookie Sweetie

Hope its not too late to congratulate your new baby! She's sooooo cute!!

Hey, don't worry about these phone calls. You do what you need to do, priority first. Enjoy your little baby, hugs from me, and sleep with her when you can!:)

Inn said...

just wanna give u a *hug*

Ms B said...


At this point, you deserve to be selfish. Some of my close friends are SAHM and whenever I call, I'd make sure it is convenient for them (and vice versa).

I suppose if we have an honest relationship with our friends, it should not be a problem. Well, thats how me and my friends do anyway.

Oh, as for spa is concerned, I do at home anyway. Mana ada masa, esp single parent like me. BUt it does wonders.

U keep well TC.

toughcookie said...

Hi Ydiana,
yeah.. we think she's sooo adorable. but then again, who doesn't think that of their babies, right? *wink*

thanks for the wish.

oh... that really felt good. thanks!

dear ms b,
so far i haven't even put on my face mask in months! the best i could do is just scrub my face and eye mask since the eye mask can be worn while showering. but, i am hoping that i would have more time in the future once she starts weaning and sleep longer.

thanks for the tip!:D

emly2175 said...

My dear, i'll leave my comments via email la k... so busybee for teh past couples of week..
tolong cubit sikit pipi Lil pumpkin J for me pls!!!