It has been a good friday...

I had a really good chat with a former classmate today.

We had wanted to meet since before I gave birth to little jj but you know how it is with us busy ladies, things never worked out and we’ve never really set any dates anyways.

The last time we met was in 1992 at a reunion some time after our SPM… at that time, we didn’t chat that much because we seemed to be different people, with moi not quite ‘grown up’ in character and outlook. Well, I had always been overly protected by my parents and though I could communicate okay with people, I didn’t have that much social skills then. The little things we chatted then left me in awe of her as the last time I chatted with her was when we were classmates in Form 3. She then pursued her studies to a prominent all-girls’ residential school and I thought she had somewhat appear more outgoing with such an attractive persona unlike moi who still looked very innocent and gullible at 17.

We kinda lost touch after that and you can trust on social networks like facebook to ‘bump’ into your old friends again.

We got connected, chatted and promised to meet up when the time comes. The best part was seeing something in her profile that touched my heart and I guess we connected at a higher level because of that.

It has been 9 months after I had delivered little jj and today was a day I wasn’t gonna miss… I had a sudden morning agenda that came up at the last minute and thanks to the one, I was able to make it to lunch today, to meet one gutsy lady who has gone thru so much for love.

You’d always think you’re so unfortunate when something happens to you and one day, you will open your eyes wide when you realise that what you went thru was really just less than 50% of what another person goes thru in his/her life.

We managed to only catch up for a good 2 hours and I felt guilty about it since she had taken a day off from work just so she could catch up with me properly… I sincerely thought I was able to hang out for at least 3-4 hours with her and walk around the Curve to do some ‘exercise’ in the mall (hehe…) but little jj has started her weird cries (the one where no one else can make her stop but moi) and all I could do was excuse myself but promised (with hopes) that the next time will be better… it was a case of gambling with situation – either I brought little jj with me and have her cranky after around 1-1 ½ hours or leave her with daddy and she might get cranky after 2 hours or hold on until after 4 hours. The first, could still be managed by feeding her and continuing with whatever I was doing if she decides to sleep; the latter, was tried and tested with her lasting around 4 hours with daddy.

There were so many things to catch up after 17 years! I felt like there were so many things that I discovered of her but once I got into my car, I realised that there were so much more I needed to ask her, so much more I needed to tell her, and so much more I needed to speak about with her… 2 hours was waaay too short.

The best part was finding out so many similarities we have and I felt really good after that meeting with her.

A lot of us has such rosy outlook on life.............. until life disappoints you.

Well, it’s not to say that life is unfair to you… it’s how you view life, that would make all the difference to your day, your weeks, your months, your years, etc.

We grew up with so much expectations in life – where when I look at myself before, I thought I’d grow up with a good career (well, that went through, actually) with a good family and a happy home. But when it didn’t go the way I had hoped in my first marriage, do I give up with life, blame everyone else for my misery or do I pick up the pieces and walk with stride?

I’ve always told the one that in this life we live where things are going at fast speed and all of us having so many things in our heads all the time, I have no time to read minds… if one expects something from another, I expect one to tell me about it straight to the face, with brutal honesty if they may.

Give and you will receive, they say… but do you realise that the ‘receive’ part may not necessarily be in material… it could be just a simple satisfaction in you from doing something totally with a sincere heart, not expecting anything in return.

Don’t ever assume as well… like when I told this friend of mine that I may be in the Curve by 12 noon since I would be doing some shopping for the little munchkin’s birthday this Sunday but had to sms her later last night that some things came up at the last minute and I may only be able to reach the Curve around 2pm instead. I don’t assume her to be a-okay with it since we’ve planned this for awhile and it can be a little of a turn-off for me to suddenly say I’ll be late.

I’m glad, though, that she was so understanding about it. Guess that understanding comes with whatever one goes thru in life as well… if things has always been so easy, rosy and simple, one may not really understand why certain things do not turn out the way one have hoped.

Assumptions is the root of all evil, says the superbitch I was working with a long time ago… a line where none of her ex-staff will ever forget. She taught us how one shouldn’t simply assume things and to always check and re-confirm for affirmation. Yeah… despite her being a superbitch, she did teach us some really good lessons on how not to take things for granted.

Expectations, is also another root of all evil, I must say… This, I am saying with the exclusion of those where we pay money for services like for instance, this Celcom Broadband account that the one had recently registered for… you pay for the registration and all, and will be given those details of what you can expect out of them. So, that is out of the question.

I am talking about giving/doing something sincerely from your heart yet expect something in return, without the other party even knowing about it. Pretty frustrating, don’t you think?

We are all adults and we have brains to think. Life, to me, is pretty simple – do unto others if you want others do unto you.

My principles in life is relatively simple… I want something, I tell the one what I expect for say, my birthday… or our anniversary, whatever. I hate guessing games, and I don’t expect him to read my mind, either. If I had overlooked something, it may have been done unintentionally from issues that arise unexpectedly. If I had done something on purpose, I am not afraid to admit it.

While managing a team in my former employment, I clearly inform the execs what I expect from them throughout the year - the projects and responsibilities they will be undertaking, and I hold their hands until I know I can let go off them and trust them totally. Well, not totally... but you get my drift. Then, the evaluation can be objective, fair and everyone should be happy about it. My former staff are still appreciative of what I had done for them and I am happy at how they have developed throughout the years.

It's the same concept in one's personal life.

Be fair to yourself and considerate of others.

Just because you have a sudden show of inferiority complex and high insecurities in you, do not, at any time, pull others with you.

Be fair to yourself and considerate of others.

I’ve been with someone who was highly insecure of himself. He pulled me down with him and I didn’t even notice it until the day I said goodbye to his mental and emotional torture. In the end, friends told me that they thought it was me who had the negative aura… no one saw it in him until he was on his own.

I know everybody’s got problems in life… it’s not that you can’t dwell on your insecurities and shortcomings… everyone needs that ‘mourning’ time… a time where you’d want to just be sad or lazy… but there will come a time when friends get tired of it and everyone needs to be with people with positive energy… one with a positive outlook in life – that no matter what comes, we’d do it together – with your loved ones holding your hands, and your friends to have your back. At all times.

When you expect something from someone, do tell it straight to their face… don’t expect to forward someone some comment forms at the office, assuming your friends will say only good things about you.

Don’t expect anything in return for that favour your volunteered to contribute because the other party could just be as calculative with whatever they’ve contributed in the past… any small things can seem so big by the individual. Sometimes it is just minute as compared to what the other party has done without asking for anything in return and such negative aura can be felt from miles away.

Be fair to yourself and considerate of others.

Sincerity should be treated with the strictest hint of caution. But as far as I am concerned, I do not have any agenda up my sleeves. And I am glad that the people surrounding me has such positive energy as well, so much so, that it made me feel so much better after everything.

Thanks, Mel, for such a good time. It’s wonderful to be in touch with you again and hoping that there’ll be more sessions…

P/S: I was surprised at winning a contest by MAS, but that will be an entry on its own. Soon, ya.


Ms B said...


wish you happy mother's day! I sincerely feel you are a great mom and I wish for more beautiful days ahead.

toughcookie said...

ms b,
thanks, babe... a belated mummy's day wish to you too and hoping that life brings us even more happiness, cheers and joy.

take care.